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DUmmie FUnnies 12-02-08 ("Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | December 2, 2008 | DUmmie graywarrior, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

Posted on 12/02/2008 8:43:52 PM PST by Charles Henrickson

Now that the Young Prince has been elected, I thought everybody's problems would be magically solved?? Then how come DUmmie graywarrior has posted this THREAD, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!"? Well, maybe the magic will have to wait until January 20, 2009. DA*N THAT BUSH! Why can't he get out NOW and let Obambi take over?! So let us grab a hankie and watch the DUmmies commiserate with DUmmie graywarrior, in Red Ink Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the Old Philosopher Charlie Henrickson, thinking maybe PJ-Comix can give graywarrior advice on cutting her grocery bills, is in the [brackets]:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!

[Weeeeeee--WHOOOAAA! Wha' hoppen? I thought Obambi was going to FIX everything??]

The economy is working just great for us! AND and and, we make too much money to qualify for heat assistance! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Thank Gaia for global warming!]

AND and and, we gave our notice to move because we can't afford the rent and our landlady is starting eviction proceedings because we broke the lease (because there is STILL raw sewage leaking in the walls from the two condos above us which she refuses to get on the condo associations ass about)...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Call Joe the Plumber.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! AND and and, our car broke down on Thanksgiving Day so we had to put $400 on our credit card to get it fixed so we could drive 120 miles back home after visiting relatives we have not seen in years.

[This was Gaia's way of telling you to reduce your carbon footprint.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! AND AND AND Mr Gray has to have a non-melanoma tumor removed from his arm in two weeks after already waiting three weeks because we have no health insurance!!!!!

[So you don't have health insurance! At least you've got high-speed internet!]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!]

I am so excited to be alive right now I can't tell you! Life is just so great, yessiree. Good thing I am whacky and insane otherwise I'd be sucking on the tailpipe of my Toyota.

[Only non-wacky, sane people suck on tailpipes of Toyotas.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Hiya, cousin. . . . You say you tried to sign up for food stamps and unemployment but they fired the people at the food stamp office so you couldn't? You say you make too much money for heat assistance so you threw your money in the fireplace so you'd qualify? And you think you've got raw sewage leaking down the walls, only you're not sure because it kind of blends in with the wallpaper? And you spent your last dollar getting your car fixed so you could visit relatives you don't even like? Is that what's bothering you, bunkie? . . .
WELL, LIFT YOUR HEAD UP HIGH AND TAKE A WALK IN THE SUN WITH THAT DIGNITY AND STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS THAT YOU'LL SHOW THE WORLD, YOU'LL SHOW THEM WHERE TO GET OFF, YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP . . . THE SHIP!
Now this is the Old Philosopher saying . . . Let's hear from the DUmmies . . .]

Stay the f*ck away from the tailpipe of your Toyota, do you hear me???

[Support public transportation! Use the tailpipe of a city bus!]

There's one cold comfort in all this. It can't get a whole lot worse.

[Thank you, Mr. Sunshine.]

At least we will soon have a President who will actually do something to correct all this sh*t.

[Yes! Yes! Hope! Change! If only we can hold on a while longer!]

This is my usual food pantry day but I didn't feel like standing outside in 17 degree weather in line for an hour.

[You might get your tongue stuck on a pole.]

And walk through the supermarket and look at the price of bread and milk.

[You need to take PJ-Comix to the store with you, to give you advice. In fact, PJ, you should have your own cable show: "The Grocery Whisperer."]

Things will get better. 1 20 09.

[I have a feeling that, like the Millerites of old, you will experience "The Great Disappointment."]

Once the focus is on us the citizens of America all that ails us will be getting better.

[Come quickly, Obamassiah!]

no health insurance but we do alternative medicine anyway.

[A good joint helps make your troubles disappear.]

Hoping things get better come Feb., March after Obama and Co. can get some programs for the jobless going.

[Obambi to the rescue!]

Come on universal health care and stimulus package..I think about 10,000 each for people in your situation would be great.

[Piker! Go for a HUNDRED thou!]

It is times like these we need to look out for each other. How can we start a secret santa/giving tree type thing on DU?

[DUmmie graywarrior is only $10 away from having $10.]

My only good reliable coping mechanism, when life is the sh*ts, is to take pleasure in small things: a new magazine and a cup of cocoa, a day off when it's snowy outside, a movie or board-game night with family or friends . . .

[. . . making artistic designs out of the raw sewage on the walls. . . . You know, the little things. . . .]

We can all blame bush but sorry to say
It started before his election day
Republicans were in power even then
Although Clinton was the president.

[And come the end of January
When the President is our friend Barry
And Dems in Congress run both houses
We'll still find a way to blame those louses--
THE RETHUGLICANS!]

Screw the wealthy for begrudging us the right to live.

[When all else fails and your life stinks, BLAME THE RICH!]

this gives me another excuse to scream, "F*ck you, Bush!"

[Well, at least SOMETHING good comes out of all this!]

crappety crap. sending you some mental hope, gw. Hope it helps.

[Look, the walls are getting cleaner!]

I'm sure you'll dig your way out of it but right now, just ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

[Unnngh..]

I am hoping that all this crap is behind you.

[It sounds like it's staring her in the face!]

No insurance here, either, but at least I don't have sh*t in the walls. . . .

[Life is good.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dufu; dummie; dummiefunnies; dummies
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To: hinckley buzzard
how many people said "wish there was something I could do for you."

Prayer doesn't cost a dime.

That being said, it doesn't always pay the bills, either. :-) But, if this DUmmie was active in church they'd always have a support net. Bunch of anonymous people on a bulletin board (sorry FReepers) are no subsititute.

Also, if they made better choices (sure, I'd love to see relatives, but if I don't have the cash, there's such a thing as a telephone....) then they'd be in a better situation. Withholding rent from a landlord is about the dumbest thing you can do as a tenant.

61 posted on 12/03/2008 7:30:54 AM PST by wbill
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To: wbill

“But, if this DUmmie was active in church they’d always have a support net.”

Definitely. That was a major role of the local church in the past. Now people have turned from God and church and the nanny state has taken over that role. I’m impressed always by the way the Mormon community supports each other.


62 posted on 12/03/2008 7:33:40 AM PST by MayflowerMadam
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To: PJ-Comix

And how would one go about becoming a ‘select’ private party?


63 posted on 12/03/2008 7:37:14 AM PST by kimmie7 (***sigh***)
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To: Charles Henrickson
[Support public transportation! Use the tailpipe of a city bus!]

<

ROTFLMAO!

64 posted on 12/03/2008 7:40:17 AM PST by NeoCaveman (posting from the office of the bitter clingers)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Things will get better. 1 20 09.

The Beginning of an Error.

65 posted on 12/03/2008 7:40:55 AM PST by NeoCaveman (posting from the office of the bitter clingers)
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To: PJ-Comix
Hopefully ox tails are in today’s deal. I really love those.

My mom made ox-tail soup. It was DEE-LISH!

That was a long time ago.

66 posted on 12/03/2008 7:54:02 AM PST by Charles Henrickson (Is that what's bothering you, bunkie?)
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To: MayflowerMadam
Yep, and I'm not talking financially, either.

Car breaks down? Well, so-and-so knows a mechanic that is willing to work on T-day. Instead of $400, It'll be parts, minimal labor, and two large slices of homemade Pumpkin Pie.

And so on. Geez, I made it through college on contacts like that. And now, it's (usually....) nice to be one of the guys that gets called.

67 posted on 12/03/2008 7:56:13 AM PST by wbill
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To: mikrofon
But, but, but -- if the car crapped out by the relatives' place, couldn't THEY help you out with the finances to get you home?

mikrofon, you are just too old-fashioned! That's the OLD way of helping people: family, friends, relatives, church, neighborhood, private charity. . . . You don't need the government for ANY of that!

68 posted on 12/03/2008 8:00:05 AM PST by Charles Henrickson (Is that what's bothering you, bunkie?)
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To: wbill; mikrofon
if this DUmmie was active in church they'd always have a support net.

You too! What is WITH you people?? Expecting people to help EACH OTHER, WITHOUT the government being involved????

69 posted on 12/03/2008 8:02:39 AM PST by Charles Henrickson (Is that what's bothering you, bunkie?)
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To: Charles Henrickson
You're missing a /sarc tag. :-)

God help us, because the Government surely won't. In fact, I'd argue that the three certainties in life are death, taxes, and the ability of a government agency to thoroughly screw up whatever it gets involved with.

70 posted on 12/03/2008 8:08:34 AM PST by wbill
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To: Charles Henrickson

Forgodsakes lady, whatever you do, don’t cancel the high speed internet connection!


71 posted on 12/03/2008 8:13:03 AM PST by jennyjenny
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To: Charles Henrickson
I know a fellow who is going to get a wake-up call when he has to find out that his bad life has nothing to do with who is president.

Ironically, I have used food stamps before. When everyone was talking about how great the economy was.

72 posted on 12/03/2008 8:16:38 AM PST by HungarianGypsy
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To: Charles Henrickson
Once the focus is on us the citizens of America all that ails us will be getting better.

[Come quickly, Obamassiah!]

The DUmmie version of "Maranatha!" So I guess DUmmie Advent runs through the 20th of January?

73 posted on 12/03/2008 8:20:03 AM PST by COBOL2Java (Obamanation: an imploding administration headed by a clueless schmuck)
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To: Charles Henrickson
[I have a feeling that, like the Millerites of old, you will experience "The Great Disappointment."]

I was SOOO impressed the PJ knew about the Millerites, then I realized it was you :-)

Reading through this thread its obvious others on this board have had real educations. I thought the Millerites episode was pretty much an unknown in the modern world.

74 posted on 12/03/2008 8:38:10 AM PST by Roses0508
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To: epow
Canadians can come to the US and pay for the operation they need in order to keep from dying while they wait in line for their turn to be treated by socialized health care, but where are Americans going to go for quick service when ObamaCare is producing the same results as Canada's and the UK's versions?

Mexico?

75 posted on 12/03/2008 8:41:33 AM PST by COBOL2Java (Obamanation: an imploding administration headed by a clueless schmuck)
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To: COBOL2Java; Roses0508; bcsco; Cletus.D.Yokel; Xenalyte; PJ-Comix; Paul Heinzman
Where else can you get Advent, Millerite, and Eddie "The Old Philosopher" Lawrence references, all in the same thread?

Of course, being a Lutheran theologian, I'm going to have some liturgical and church-historical references. And being raised on Jewish comedians of the '50s and '60s, I'm gonna have some of that stuff too!

76 posted on 12/03/2008 9:09:36 AM PST by Charles Henrickson (Is that what's bothering you, bunkie?)
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To: I still care
You know, I’ll bet you anything my income is less than hers right now, but you won’t find me complaining on my computer while taking free food from food banks with that “I’m entitled” mentality.

Oh, but she's NOT taking free food - it was too cold to stand in line.

77 posted on 12/03/2008 10:06:07 AM PST by nina0113 (Hugh Akston is my hero.)
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To: COBOL2Java
Mexico?

Not for me. Some folks may be willing to trust their bodies and lives to Mexican medical care facilities, but I'm not.

78 posted on 12/03/2008 10:52:10 AM PST by epow (I'll keep my God, my freedom, my guns, and my money. You can keep THE CHANGE)
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To: PJ-Comix

“My Thanksgiving turkey was just 79 cents a pound there.”

I went to Publix at 9:30 the night before Thanksgiving (1/2 hour before they close) and got mine for .29/lb. You should learn to be more careful with your money.


79 posted on 12/03/2008 11:22:13 AM PST by jswill
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To: Edizzl79
Holy cow, maybe I could get ammo stamps too, that would be totally awesome!!!!

Add Firearm Stamps to the mix...
80 posted on 12/03/2008 11:22:53 AM PST by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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