Free Republic

Thou shalt not mock the left, certainly not with an election looming. In Saturday’s New York Times, tech reporter Kevin Roose talked with Times reporter Emma Goldberg about her previous humor-impaired article regarding The Babylon Bee’s brand of satire, which is controversial among the left and the media because unlike The Onion it mocks political figures and ideas other than Donald Trump and the GOP. Roose’s piece appeared under the hostile but representative headline “How The Babylon Bee, a Right-Wing Satire Site, Capitalizes on Confusion." The paper blurbed Roose's story on Saturday’s front page under the heading “Distortions.” The print...

In a move to implement what he characterized as "a more efficient form of government," Gov. Tom Wolf (D-Penn) has signed on to a multi-state Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative (RGGI) agreement that will result in higher taxes on the state's inhabitants. This bypasses the state constitution's delegation of the taxing power to the legislature. Wolf explained that "we are in a climate crisis. Waiting for the legislature to act wastes precious time. Rather than let the people of Pennsylvania, the United States, and the world suffer while legislators dither is unacceptable." For its part, a bipartisan majority of the legislature...

Jealous of all the attention Joe Biden is getting for being the most mentally unfit presidential candidate ever, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) went on a tirade while being interviewed by CNN's Wolf Blitzer, accusing him and his network colleagues of "always being an apologists for the Republican position." The blow-up occurred after Blitzer asked her "to look Americans in the eye and explain why you don't want to accept the president's latest stimulus offer. Other Democrats like Rep. Ro Khanna (Calif) and former presidential candidate Anrew Yang, are saying that given the harm inflicted by the shutdowns many of...

In an overheard private chat after the conclusion of ABC's town hall with Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, George Stephanopoulos wondered if "there's anything to the whole Hunter email thing? I've seen lot's of commentary, some of it severely critical. What's your take on it—off-the-record of course." "It's already been debunked," Biden replied. "Twitter and Facebook have stricken it from the record. Nobody believes a word of it. Period." "Well, what about the $10 million a year for 'introductions' deal?" Stephanopoulos asked. "That seems a lot of money. Who was Hunter introducing to who?" "What a lot of people don't...

There's a disgusting, absolutely 100% false story about Joe Biden's son going around. It's so bad that it has been condemned by the wise, moral, upstanding people who run Twitter and Facebook. Even mentioning the story can get you banned from these platforms. That's how bad and false the story is. It claims that Biden's son did a lot of really bad stuff, allegedly, stuff that he CERTAINLY did not do. It says that there was clear alleged corruption in the Obama-Biden administration, with Biden allegedly pulling strings for his allegedly wayward son. The story also had a bunch of...

BURLINGTON, NJ—Local man Bradley Waters was reading an interesting story he'd seen on Facebook while on the toilet this morning. He wasn't sure if everything in the story was true, but he thought it was a significant story anyway. He was about to share it on Facebook with some thoughtful comments encouraging his friends to check it out and use their own judgment to figure out if it's true. But just as his finger hovered over the share button, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg jumped out from behind his shower curtain to warn him the story might be fake news. "Greetings,...

U.S.—Big tech companies like Facebook and Twitter have successfully prevented other parties from interfering in the United States' upcoming presidential election by interfering in the election themselves. From nagging people to vote and curating their own election information as the only source of legitimate voting information for their users to squashing stories that would hurt the candidates they like and locking out conservatives from their social media accounts, big tech companies are working hard to ensure that they're the only ones who are allowed to influence the election results this year. "In order to make sure no one interferes in...

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a last-ditch effort to stop negative stories about Joe Biden and his family from spreading, Twitter shut down its entire social network Thursday. After seeing account after account tweet out one particularly bad story, CEO Jack Dorsey realized he had to take action. Dorsey smashed a glass box in his office reading "Break In Case Of Bad Publicity For Democrats." Inside the case was a sledgehammer for smashing Twitter's servers. "Red alert -- shut the servers down! Shut them all down!"

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After two days of Amy Coney Barrett gracefully and stoically answering questions with perfect recall and no notes, suspicions grew on Capitol Hill that she might be a practitioner of the dark arts. "Oh, she's a witch alright, just look at her!" said Senator Hirono. "Just look at the way she's dressed and how she's so much prettier and smarter than us! She's in league with Beelzebub himself, I just know it! We must burn her!" Senator Hirono then pulled a live duck out of a massive burlap sack next to her and announced: "In addition to being a...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have blasted Amy Coney Barrett for showing up to a Senate hearing concerning her nomination to the Supreme Court and constantly responding to their questions instead of letting them give their campaign speeches for political clout. "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm trying to grandstand for my political base!" shouted Cory Booker, pointing at her as though he were Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney. "How dare you, ma'am!" Judge Barrett looked at him in surprise. "I thought this was about my nomination."

COLUMBUS, OH—In response to growing concerns over celebrity election meddling, several states have introduced voting machines with new technology that will immediately discard your ballot if it determines you are voting because a celebrity told you to. "We are extremely concerned about celebrity influence in this election," said Ohio Secretary of State Frank LaRose. "According to several authoritative studies, celebrities are literally the worst. We can't allow our future to be determined by celebrities or anyone insane enough to listen to them." Polls have shown that there are actually a few people out there who rely on celebrities like Mark...

GREENVILLE, SC—As Halloween approaches, haunted house attractions and extreme horror experiences are competing for the crown of "most horrifying haunted house in the country." According to horror enthusiasts, a new attraction called Maskless Murder Mansion has left the competition in the dust with a twisted new vision of horror: an old mansion filled with regular people who happen to not be wearing masks. "Yeah we know this is really messed up stuff," said Zach McDongle, owner and mastermind behind the attraction. "So far, no one has had the courage to make it all the way through." For anyone brave enough...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was quite a spectacle at the Senate hearing for Amy Coney Barrett's nomination to the Supreme Court this morning, as Judge Barrett calmly answered the committee's questions while cooking dinner for her family of nine with her right hand and typing up an appellate court decision with her left hand. "That's a great question, Senator, thank you for asking," she responded to one line of questioning as she chopped up onions to put them in her stew. "Sorry if I'm crying during my response -- it's just the onions." She eloquently answered the inquiry while moving on to...

WILMINGTON, DE—Presidential candidate Joe Biden has tried to distinguish himself from President Donald Trump in how he proposes to handle the pandemic. While Trump has refused to enact any sort of national mask mandate, Biden has repeatedly called for it. Now he’s gone one step farther and asked for a giant mask to be placed over the entire continental U.S. “Masks work,” Biden told reporters, “and it’s time to stop giving people an option on masks. So we’re just going to put a mask on everything. Everything!” Some scientists have spoken out against his plan, saying, “Masks don’t work that...

LOS ANGELES, CA—Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti, having opposed large religious gatherings in his city for the past 7 months, has suddenly reversed course, allowing a large worship service to take place in the streets of the city last night. Despite the ban on religious gatherings, the worshipers came together to honor their god, LeBron James, in a spontaneous outpouring of love and praise. Worshipers in this religion, rather than singing songs or saying prayers, topple cars and throw things at the police.

After its "Kickstarter" campaign surged past its target to raise $15,000 and reached a surprising total of $200,000, FCTRY, a Brooklyn-based product design company, now has the funds to produce and market two new unorthodox "action" figures that it hopes will thrill children everywhere. The two figures are House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and NIAID Director at the National Institutes of Health Dr. Anthony Fauci. The Pelosi figure comes in either a pink or blue dress with a removable face mask. The Fauci figure has a white coat and a removable mask. The inspiration for the Pelosi figure was "her untiring...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amy Coney Barrett has eloquently defended herself through the Senate confirmation hearings this morning. But as Dems grew increasingly vicious, she was forced to turn to desperate measures. After several hours of hearings, Barrett pulled out a large crucifix and held it aloft. A light shone from the heavens, and the Democrats knew they were defeated. They shrunk back and began to hiss. "Noooo!" cried Senator Richard Blumenthal. "It burns us! Take it away!" He dove under his desk to hide from its light.

Stung by a lower court ruling that refused to disallow a citizens' recall petition from being circulated to gather signatures, far left Seattle Councilmember Kshama Sawant has appealed that ruling to the Washington State Supreme Court. "What the lower court failed to establish was whether the citizens have sufficient reason to demand my removal from office," Sawant argued. "Judge Rogers basically said that citizens can start a recall effort without first having to prove I have committed some crime or abused my office. His decision tramples my right to continue my role in ruling the City. It is manifestly unfair...

In a batch of documents declassified by Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe was a memo to President Obama from his CIA Director John Brennan. In this memo Brennan briefed Obama on the details of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton's scheme to falsely link Trump to Russia. "The plan was to vilify Trump as a tool of the Russian government in order to distract attention from Clinton's misdeeds when she was Secretary of State," Brennan wrote. "The Steele dossier was paid-for propaganda that had no basis in fact." The memo noted that in addition to Obama, then FBI Director James...

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) threatened to close down Jewish synagogues "if they do not obey the directives we've given them restricting unacceptable gatherings." Using a photo from 2006 as "evidence that Jews are flouting COVID rules limiting participants in funerals to a maximum of 50 people," Cuomo said "I've reached the end of my patience." The ratcheting up of anti-Jewish rhetoric from both Cuomo and Mayor Bill de Blasio is disturbingly reminiscent of that used by the Nazis in 1930s Germany. The scapegoating of Jews for the failures of the City's and State's COVID policies is unsupported by...