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Washington—Rather than hunt down the suspected terrorists and reopen the U.S. Embassy in Yemen, President Barack Obama has decided to surrender and withdraw all American interests. The surrender came at the end of unilateral talks with Al Qaeda and the Yemeni government. All agreed that “it would in the best interest for the United States to surrender and withdraw from Yemen entirely.” The surrender also included giving Florida to Yemen, and four locations of their choosing to set up Al Qaeda terrorist training camps, noting “that it will be easier to spot terrorists at home than sending the Central Intelligence...

Wanda Sykes- liberal lesbian black woman comedian, called Barack Obama a fancy christmas package you are all excited to get, but then you open it up and it turns out to be a 3 pack of underwear Then she went on a 5 minute monologue about "Is this it?" and "We had high hopes" and even "if this is the best he can do he is REALLY going to screw up for the next black president.. It was actually funny

STOP THE PRESSES! After doing a search on a number of links to the controversial emails which have been leaked or hacked from the Hadley Climate Research Center, it has been discovered that they are most likely FAKE. An examination of the emails in detail shows that they used proportional fonts, which were not available at the time of George Bush's stint in the Texas Air National Guard. "He played on our FEARS!" thundered a visibly upset Al Gore, screaming from a prepared statement. "He BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!" Mary Mapes was unavailable for comment.

Breaking News (News/Activism) FLASH: Barack Obama wins Top Chef Las Vegas, awarded FOUR Michelin Stars (out of 3) BREAKING:Obama wins the Cy Young Award Breaking: NHL cancels season, awards Stanley Cup to Barack Obama (And other news) BREAKING: Obama wins "Survivor" reality show! BREAKING! obama wins "American Idol" BREAKING: Obama Wins All Events at 2012 Olympics! Obama Named Miss Hooters 2010 Barack Obama inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!!! Barack Obama becomes New Santa Clause BREAKING: OBAMA WINS THE AMAZING RACE!!! Barack Obama Wins Indianapolis 500! BREAKING: Obama Wins Dancing with the Stars Trophy - Rest of Season...

Hi, kids. My name is Barack Obama and I'm the President of the United States. I'm sure you all know what that means. It means you have to do whatever I tell you because if you don't, I can take away your mommy and daddy and you'll never see them again. So listen real carefully, OK? I know a lot of you haven't been paying much attention to the argument we grown-ups are having about health-care reform. That's all right. It's really complicated stuff. Most of your parents have no idea what it's all about either. All you really need...

FReep this poll: what kind of senator will Al Franken be?

***NEWS FLASH ***Washington (AP) In a surprise move today, the Obama Administration announced newly proposed rules that prohibit food from being grown in dirt because of the danger of salmonella contamination.Although alternative technologies don’t yet exist to replace dirt, and hundreds of millions people in the United States are likely to perish from starvation in the next few years, the Obama Administration said that a few people died last year from food contaminated with salmonella and that drastic action was therefore necessary to protect the American public from unsafe food. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs added that the...

One week after President Barack Obama's top law enforcement official seemed to indicate the feds would no longer raid pot clubs, DEA agents busted a medical marijuana facility in San Francisco Wednesday night. As agents carried large plastic containers of marijuana plants out of Emmalyn's California Cannabis Clinic at 1597 Howard Street, a small crowd of protesters formed a gauntlet outside the door, booing the agents and chanting, "our medicine is marijuana … listen to Obama!" DEA spokeswoman Casey McEnry told CBS 5 the documents regarding the raid are sealed, so the DEA was not able to give any details....

Last year during the presidential campaign, some comedians explained the reason there were so many more jokes being made on television about John McCain than Barack Obama was because nothing about Obama was funny.  The One was a bit too perfect and free of flaws to provide much fodder for joke writers.  Never mind that he had said there were 57 states.  Or that he frequently stammered through sections of speeches when his teleprompter malfunctioned.  Or any of the other mistakes he made.  Most of them received little media coverage and even less ridicule from comics.The New York Times even...

In a desperate behind the scenes closed door session the United States has granted China 4 Senate Seats and 8 Congressional Seats in return for China's buying yet another substantial amount of U.S. Debt. China, at this point, technically owns the deed to the United States and felt that it should have some say in what it's rentors are doing with it's property. More as information is reported. (Humor folks - as in Ha Ha, that was funny)

In an amazing act of unconscionable hubris, in the midst of an economic crisis, President George W. Bush has decided to appear on the Tonight Show. That's right, the Tonight Show. Does he think he's Justin Timberlake? This is a callous waste of resources during a tough economic time. Millions of dollars will need to be spent to transport motorcades across the country, and establish security and accommodations for his entourage in this self indulgent display. Furthermore, our emperor has decided to declare himself tout in chief by blessing his unworthy subjects to his March Madness picks. As if we...

Breaking News! (Wasilla, Alaska) Republican Gov. Sarah Palin is being named as a possible conspirator in a weapons theft case reportedly occurring several years ago....

Let me place today needful comment upon the pitiful, washed-up members of the hateful Republican Party. Surrender. You have no hope. You are destined to become a mere useless fixture in history who’s time has come and has gone – much as the Whig Party or underarm deodorant.

I am appalled by some of the vitriol posted here. President-Elect B. Hussein Obama deserves the same respect that Democrats have given President Bush for the last eight years. I for one will try to re-double that amount of respect. I hope you will all join me...

Hayden Panettiere encourages Americans to vote for John McCain in a new Funnyordie.com spoof. Hayden Panettiere encourages Americans to vote for John McCain in a new Funnyordie.com spoof. Hayden Panettiere encourages Americans to vote for John McCain in a new faux PSA. Well ... kinda. "There are three things I think all citizens should do: Smoke cigarettes, vote for John McCain and don't wear a seatbelt," the "Heroes" star says in the 30-second spot. RELATED STORY: PARIS HILTON CALLS MCCAIN 'THE OLDEST CELEBRITY IN THE WORLD' "He's just like George Bush, except older and with a worse temper," the 19-year-old...

I am sick of David Letterman and his little comments regarding John McCain. Doesn't the ignorant knat know that he's a war hero and deserves the upmost respect. Barrrack has celebrities that are backing him, have you seen them? They have no respect for themselves or this country. (P-Diddy for example), Barrrack need to back under a rock, then he can tell Bin Laden that John McCain isn't finished trying to find him. We're coming to getcha! After 9/11, if Bush didn't do what needed to be done, he would have gone down in history as a chicken President who...

NYT above the fold!!!!!

The Spanish national basketball team, gold medal contenders at the Olympics in Beijing, was featured in a full page ad that shows the team pulling back at their eyes in a slanty-eyed gesture. According to the Guardian, the ad (which is for a freight company) ran in a Spanish newspaper.

In a dramatic report, the New York Times has uncovered a conspiracy by the United States military to conscript children. Posing as male nannies, bow-tie wearing Republicans wisk away infants as their single mothers fulfill their dreams in exciting careers away from the drudgery of traditional home-based chores. They then force these babies into combat zones and cover up their misdeeds with the complicity of the right-wing hate media. This conspiracy came to light in today's Times. Buried deep inside a front page story detailing how George W. Bush has personally foreclosed on millions of American homeowners in order to...

Mayor - introducing Bill Clinton as William Jefferson Lincoln

MONROVIA, Liberia - One of Liberia's most notorious rebel commanders, known as Gen. Butt Naked for charging into battle wearing only boots, has returned to confess his role in terrorizing the nation, saying he is responsible for 20,000 deaths. Joshua Milton Blahyi, who now lives in Ghana, returned last week to face his homeland's truth and reconciliation commission, this time wearing a suit and tie. His nom de guerre is derived from his platoon's practice of charging naked into battle, a technique meant to terrify the enemy. Other former warlords, though, have refused to ask forgiveness, dismissing a commission many...

It was learned today that Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), and John Murtha (D-PA), will hold a joint news conference on Friday condemning President Bush and pushing for his impeachment due to the success of the Surge and an outbreak of cooperation between American troops and Iraqi citizens. Said a spokesperson, “The Democrat Party of the United States has been pushing for increased military involvement in Iraq for years; now that we have the majority, we must take credit for the success being enjoyed in Iraq and in the overall War on Terror. We firmly believe that had this administration taken our...

Nearly everyone with a television can make jokes about TV awards shows, especially the speech-making. How many times have people made the hoariest jokes about thanking the "little people," or mimicking Sally Field's Oscar speech: "You like me! You really like me!" But Kathy Griffin, the comedienne with the self-satirizing "My Life on the D-List" show on that D-list network Bravo, took the ritual to a new low when she won an Emmy for Outstanding Reality Program. She mocked Jesus Christ. "A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award," she declared. "I want you to...

Good evening, gentlemen and ladies of America. I speak to you tonight as a patriot, and believe me, I do love our country and honor the servicemen fighting in foreign theatres of war. The plan we are currently pursuing in the theatres of Europe and the Pacific are clearly not working. The President, the generals and soldiers serving in the field may believe the mission is being accomplished, but the results show otherwise.Our President's foolish behavior in provoking our European enemies started by his signing of the "Lend Lease" bill back in 1941. Instead of trying to negotiate with...

PRESIDENTIAL NEWS OF THE DAY: President and Mrs. Bush spent the weekend in Washington where they attended the annual White House Correspondents' Association dinner last night. The Washington Post described the President's appearance this way: The evening took a turn toward the somber when the President took the stage. After a videotaped message from David Letterman ("Top 10 George W. Bush Moments"), he said, "In light of this week's tragedy at Virginia Tech I've decided not to be funny." And with that he handed the lectern over to Rich Little. "I'm not here to make any political points," the veteran...

<p>NEW YORK — A judge has sentenced a black man to 240 years in prison for taking white hostages in a bar in Manhattan’s East Village and telling them that "white people are going to burn tonight."</p> <p>The man had been convicted of attempted murder and assault after he shot and wounded three people, including a police officer, and sprayed kerosene on several people and threatened to set them on fire. Two women caught the man off guard and tackled him, and a policeman shot him. The man had been carrying three pistols, a samurai sword and a container of kerosene, and he told police he had gone looking for happy white people to kill to avenge the mistreatment of blacks.</p>

Is it supposed to be part of the fun that the author of the text below is named "Rosenberg"? Anyhow, the article: "Germans learn to laugh at Hitler By Steve Rosenberg BBC Berlin correspondent Weekday evenings in Berlin are normally pretty calm affairs. But not this one. He has put one finger under his nose like a fascist moustache, and has one leg raised in the air as if he is about to goose-step down the street. This is not some kind of illegal neo-Nazi demonstration - it's the red carpet at a film premiere. In the cinema behind, they...

The joke's on us Barbara Kay, National Post Published: Thursday, January 11, 2007 I caught the opening episode of CBC's Little Mosque on the Prairie Tuesday night. It wasn't quite as bad as I'd anticipated. That is to say, it's awful, but at least my worst fears were not realized: Thanks be to Allah, there are no Jews in this sitcom. So I was spared my fantasized plot thread of a young Muslim boy and a young Jewish boy -- the son of the local rabbi, of course -- who find some quarrel in a straw, but then, through...

I'm with a group of surprised camels, a 300lb chicken shwarma and a bemused comedy writer in a wintry, wet Toronto square. We're here for the launch of CBC's new sitcom Little Mosque on the Prairie, which depicts a Muslim community trying to assimilate in a small prairie town. It has little in common with the sugary, 1970s American pioneer family drama Little House On The Prairie, jokingly appropriated in the show's title. By contrast, Little Mosque addresses head-on post- 9/11 fears and prejudices. It's generating lots of publicity in Canada, with or without the camels, largely for breaking new...

TORONTO — The bearded imam in traditional robe is railing against pop-culture idols, warning Muslims to protect themselves from the evil influences of prime time. “‘American Idol,’ ‘Canadian Idol,’ I say all idols should be smashed,” Baber tells a small congregation sitting on the floor of a makeshift mosque. “‘Desperate Housewives’? Why should they be desperate when they’re only performing their natural womanly duties?” Rayyan, a gorgeous young woman in a headscarf, looks bemused then whispers to her mother “Hey, did you tape last night’s episode?” The scene is from the first episode of the CBC comedy “Little Mosque on...

Cincinnati (FR) - The completely unknown and cordially disliked Free Republic poster "You Dirty Rats" announced today from his PC that he is not a candidate for the Republican nomination for President for 2008. "After carefully consideration of the chances of victory, I have decided against a run for 2008," he said. YDR noted that his negatives were much less than over half of the Representatives and Senators who have either announced a run, considered running or have issued statements that they aren't running. "Lots of people have seen Jimmy Cagney movies, and they might vote for me on that...

MIAMI, Okla. ? In the midst of a "Holy Spirit" revival meeting at Full Gospel Temple Saturday night, Barry Munrow, 58, suffered a heart attack and went unnoticed for three hours because dozens of people were "slain in the Spirit" around him. "I thought he was overcome by the power of God," says associate pastor Kevin Toomey, 35, who saw Munrow fall into the aisle during the visiting evangelist's sixth impassioned altar call. An usher laid a modesty cloth over Munrow and various people prayed for him throughout the evening. The evangelist came by at one point and touched Munrow's...

It looks like fans of Aaron McGruder's sometimes controversial "The Boondocks" comic strip will have to rely on the television version to satisfy their appetites. Universal Press Syndicate, which distributes the strip, announced today that McGruder has decided not to resume the newspaper adventures of Huey and Riley after a six-month hiatus. "We haven't decided on a permanent replacement for 'The Boondocks' yet," Brown said. "Several strips are under consideration."

The following cartoon appeared in the Lexington Herald-Leader on September 6. Joel Pett is a left-wing cartoonist whose cartoons frequently skirt the edge of offensive. Now, Joel has chosen to capitalize on the death of Steve Irwin to make yet another attack on Bush. If this makes you angry and you would like to contact the editorial board or Mr. Pett himself, here's some contact information. I do not advocate profanity, abuse, or anything that is or may be perceived as illegal. But Mr. Pett and the Herald-Leader deserve to hear from the numbers of us who are outraged about...

Ten Things That Would Be Different If The 12 Apostles Had Been Gay 10. The Last Supper would have been brunch. 09. The Beatitudes would start, "Fabulous are they....." 08. Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem screams for a production number with lots of ostrich feather palm fronds and a large oyster shell, instead of just a donkey and some palm leaves. 07. The water at the wedding feast of Canaan would not have been changed to wine, but to extra dry Bombay Sapphire martinis with a touch of Curacao for color. 06. The temple would not only have been cleansed...

Crack Found In Space Shuttle Fuel Line Assembly By BRIAN BERGER Space News Staff Writer posted: 05:13 pm ET 11 December 2002 WASHINGTON NASA is forming a team to analyze a crack found in part of the Space Shuttle Discoverys propulsion system during a routine maintenance inspection at Kennedy Space Center, Fla.

Hosts of a chat show on a Hong Kong radio station apologized Tuesday for an Internet survey asking its listeners to vote which actress they would most like to sexually assault. The Commercial Radio poll drew widespread criticism last week, with teachers, legislators and ordinary citizens slamming it for advocating violence against women and for corrupting youth. "The program hosts and co-workers publicly apologize for any offence that the Internet poll 'Which female artiste would you most like to sexually assault' caused to female artistes and everyone in Hong Kong," a message posted on the radio Web site said. The...

See for example this thread first. The latest gaffe from Howard Dean about gays puts him squarely between the Christians, who say "You can't marry, you're gay!" and the folks who say "God save the QUEEN!"

<p>Thanks to John McCain, Free Republic will shut down tomorrow at high noon for 30 days. No non government approved electioneering messages may be transmitted over the internet for the 30 days immediately preceding a primary election.</p> <p>That is all.</p>

<p>LONDON — Six men who became ill during a drug trial remained in serious condition in a London hospital Thursday.</p> <p>Two of the men were listed in critical condition, Northwick Park Hospital said in a statement.</p> <p>Raste Khan — one of two men given a placebo in the trial — said the six had been stricken within a few minutes of receiving the drug.</p>

If Republicans Ran Hollywood, Recent Movies would look like this ...... by - Alpha_Kenny_Woun 17 minutes ago (Tue Feb 28 2006 09:35:13 ) Ignore this User | Report Abuse -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brokeback Mountain: A cowboy and cowgirl fall in love in the west while defending the borders from illegal Mexican immigrants, most of whom happen to be homosexuals for some reason. Jarhead: A soldier goes into the Marine Corpse, during which he learns the meaning of the words, honor, courage, and integrity. He goes to Iraq and is assigned to defend an outpost with a squad of 8 battle hardened vets....

.....Eyewitnesses: Man Ran Into Cheney's Knife..... Vice President Cheney accidentally killed a man during a previous hunting trip, the White House reluctantly confirmed today after denying the incident several times. During a deer hunting expedition on a friend's eight billion dollar ranch, a man "ran into Cheney's knife" several times while Cheney was gutting and dressing a deer, wealthy Republican Party donors and eyewitnesses said. The man who died was Willford Buchs, a Bush family accountant who "took care of the books" for the Bushes and several Bush companies, and was later appointed Director of the Texas Accounting Commission after...

The West — specifically, the European West — stands aghast at Islam’s violent reaction to its comedic caricature of the Prophet and ponders: Shall we who enshrine our sacred rights to human expression suffer these cultural indignities and blatant intimidations designed to ultimately extinguish “our rights?” This is outrageous and morally repugnant to cower before a medieval culture that treats women, religious minorities and all things “civilized” with intolerance. Alas! Let us speak out in vehement solidarity against this “Scourge of Green” which seeks to smother some 500-years of Enlightenment! Reaction to the West’s Renaissance, Reformation, Enlightenment, and social revolutions...

BY ED ANGER Dear Pope Benedict XVI, Right off the bat, let me congratulate you on getting yourself elected pope and tell you how glad I am you won. Mainly 'cause I had 50 bucks riding on you! My good buddy George Sanford, one of our finest African-American reporters, somehow got it in his head that the cardinals were fixing to elect that Nigerian fella. To which I said: "Yeah, right." Turns out yours truly was right once again. I know a lot of liberals have been chewing your ear off with cockamamie suggestions, like giving the green light to...

I love Dave Letterman. He's my idea of the funniest man in America. I appreciate his intellect, his quirky, irritated ideas about what's funny, and certainly respect his right to whatever opinions he has about anything. I confess he irks me with his nightly ridicule and denigration of our president. He's really got it in for George Bush, and he and the staff select little snippets of speeches, or a stumble, or a door that doesn't open, or even just a little aside and shoulder-shaking chuckle – anything that makes the president appear foolish – and revel in derisive laughter....

MIDI - ANNIE'S SONG She fills up the airwaves...with her sage right wing comments She has driven the leftists out of their foolish minds If she's not dodging pies thrown...she's enduring her critics Perky Katie Couric, she kicked your behind They match three liberals...in a battle with Annie Some say that is unfair...well, I guess I would agree At the end of the segment, they are bloodied and crying Hey, liberal airheads, you need more than three The favorite of FReepers...well aware of the warning If they don't post her picture, angry comments they'll hear For your voice we...

MIDI - WHITE CHRISTMAS They're dreaming of a white Christmas The white is their flag in the air We can hear Howard blabbing...with big time back stabbing For our troop morale he doesn't care They're dreaming of a white Christmas John Kerry's nice white French beret We cannot ever trust them, you see Not with our national security (musical break - some nice Barney Frank twinkle toe music) They're dreaming of a white Christmas Some nice white wine while they retreat While our men are out fighting...at home they're inciting Pelosi is hoping for defeat They're dreaming of a...

MIDI - I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS I saw Jesse Jackson, camera whore...just outside the walls of Tookie's house He showed his pearly whites...it was really quite a sight For lowlife Tookie Williams he was putting up a fight Oh, I saw Jesse Jackson, camera whore...that race-baiter is a piece of work We wondered, was his mistress there...do you really think he'd dare Jesse Jackson's such a phony jerk I saw Jesse Jackson, camera whore...he was asked to give the victims' names He's taken by surprise...he could not believe his eyes The only answer heard was that he...