Posted on 07/08/2021 2:44:36 PM PDT by DFG
The vaccine door-to-door evangelists are coming for you! Luckily, we at The Babylon Bee are extremely anti-social, so we've got some great ways to scare off the vaccine missionaries trying to get you to accept Dr. Fauci as your lord and savior.
Try one of these and let us know how it goes!*
1. Answer the door while casually cleaning your AR-15. - "Greetings, agent of the government! What can I do for you today?"
2. Wear a MAGA hat. - Works every time.
3. Sneeze violently and say you're starting to lose your sense of taste. - "Does this apple taste like anything to you? Everything is starting to taste bland to me..."
4. Smear sacrificial ice cream on your doorposts to appease Biden. - It worked for the Israelites.
5. Show them your fully assembled LEGO Capitol Building set. - A true sign that you're a deranged terrorist -- they'll run away screaming.
6. Smile and offer to shake their hand. - Nothing scares the pro-SCIENCE crowd like interacting like a normal human being.
7. If all else fails, release the hounds. - Hopefully you've had your "Release the Hounds" button installed already.
*The Babylon Bee is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, or imprisonment in a reeducation camp resulting from these techniques.
Offer them a wire brush and say, “Go **** yourself with this.” Would that work?
Sneeze into your right palm and then offer your hand for a handshake.
....bet that sends the rascals scampering....
offer to exchange a watchtower magazine
the Bee strikes again!
-PJ
Answer the door naked. For most of us that will be a scary and terrifying sight. Just make sure it is not the local church lady’s auxiliary.
Sic the dogs on them.
I’m ny case, I’ll sic the cat on them. She’s feisty as they come, all claws and teeth.
If you live in the South, tell them an alligator or a coral snake was spotted in your yard an hour ago and that you cannot guarantee their safety.
If you live somewhere else, tell them there is a rabid skunk that has taken up residence in your bushes and you actually thought they (the vax people) were Animal Control.
OK, I get the satirical intent, but this is actually pretty valid.
I like greeting them at the door with a war weapon in your hands.
Straight to #7.
Let the Dobes do the talking.
I got nothing to say to those people.
Hang a sign on the door: “Knock if you know Trump won!”
Ask them if they “know Fauci as their lord and savior”
“CHA-CHUNK”
I just told my doctor’s office “ no thanks” and they never mentioned it again. Every year I’m asked if I’ve gotten my flu shot and I just them there’s not one with my name on it. If they come knocking on my door I’ll tell them I’ve already taken care of it and shut the door.
Back in the day, my stepfather would do just that if he saw the (insert religious sect here) coming his way from down the block.
I plan to slam the door in their faces.
I am pre-staging a MAGA hat at the doorway. That is a winning move.
Should anyone plan on greeting with any kind of a weapon, you better have the entire situation video recorded for the potential lawsuit.
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