Free Republic

SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Illinois is turning it’s Obamacare sales pitch into a joke. To get more people to sign up for health care, the state is bragging it will spend $150,000 on ads for the satirical news site The Onion. “We know that to effectively reach Young Invincibles – who are 53 percent of our uninsured residents in Illinois – we have to work with non-traditional, and especially digital, sources for news and entertainment. That’s where The Onion fits right into our outreach strategy,” Jennifer Koehler, executive director of Get Covered Illinois said in a news release. Neither Koehler nor...

Bill Clinton jogs daily near his home in Chappaqua , NY... BUT -as trouble seems to always find him- on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow: "Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb. "No, five dollars!" fired back Clinton . This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!" One day however, Hillary...

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the the nice lady above... She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said:  "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"  "I smoke ten cigars a day, she said. Then, before I go to bed, I smoke a big, fat joint! Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I do other drugs, have sex and, most importantly-- I don't exercise at all."  "That is...

**SNIP** “I used to have a haircut like that,” Mr. Obama said to laughter. “And maybe, after I’m done with the presidency, I’m going back to that.” **SNIP** “If you want to know why I care about this stuff so much, it’s because I’m not that different from Roger,” the president said. “There was a period of time in my life where I was goofing off. I was raised by a single mom. I didn’t know my dad. The only difference between me and Roger was my environment was more forgiving than his. That’s the only difference. If I screwed...

You’ve all heard about Bitcoin. No one knows who created it, although some writers have made very educated guesses about the identity of the pseudonymous creator. I have sometimes wondered whether Bitcoin is the product of some transnational criminal organization or rogue state that wants to undermine developed economies by casting their payment systems into doubt. I am less concerned with Bitcoin’s origin than with its flaws. I shall enumerate those flaws forthwith. Bitcoin enables fraud and other criminal activities. This is absolutely the single most salient feature of Bitcoin’s anonymity. Conventional currencies are indeed subject to laundering and counterfeit....

Baxter, Tennessee— After a long battle of back and forth name calling, sits-ins, and a news media frenzy the American Civil Liberties Union Foundation on Friday dropped a lawsuit against the small town of Baxter, the county seat of Smith County, Tennessee. Complaints were first reported to the ACLU-TN on August 24th after Baxter County Courthouse employees erected a nativity and decorated a Christmas tree on the front lawn of the courthouse to begin Christmas celebrations. “Religious displays in front of homes and churches are protected by the first amendment,” Harry Reasoning, ACLU-TN spokesman, was quoted in local papers in...

Mexican Grey Wolves. . The plan calls for 10 breeding pairs in Hawaii (Big Island) or 100 to 150 wolves. Conservationists are concerned that too few wolves are involved in the plan. Hawaii (the island) is 4,028 sq. miles, so big in fact, the other Hawaiian Islands could fit on it nearly twice. The wolves are expected to find and establish their own habitat(s), from the dry Kohala Coast on the west side, up and over Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa, to the lush and rainy eastern coast. Predictably, cattle and sheep ranchers are opposed, particularly the Parker Ranch which...

PASADENA — Four years ago, match site eHarmony quietly launched a new initiative, eHarmony4Kids, to help parents find mates for their children. The new program, whose tagline is “Play Dates, Life Mates. eHarmony for Kids,” has worked so well that the company is rolling it out nationally this year. “People want to steer their kids toward compatible potential life partners at an early age,” says an eHarmony spokesman. “Core beliefs are in place at a young age so we can help them do that.” Parents in Nashville, Seattle, Sacramento and Boston were secretly invited to participate in the field testing....

MADISON, Wisc. — Last year, First Christian Church brought in live donkeys to wow the audience at its annual Christmas drama. This year, they’re adding “scented sensations which bring the Holy Land to life.” In short, their presentation is going to stink. With a slew of Christmas presentations vying for local audiences this year, churches are embracing far-out measures to enliven December dramas. This season’s fad is Smells of Palestine, a “sensory kit” sold by The Ol’ Factory Worship Experience, a Dallas company. The kit pumps “authentic smells” into the sanctuary during re-enactments of the Christmas story. “It works like...

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the...

Full Title: Analysts Predict Biggest Christmas Church Shopping Season Ever; Churches sharpen seasonal services to nab annual worshipers ANNAPOLIS, MD – Christine Eagen sits at the table in her neatly decorated suburban dining room with an open phone book, a wall calendar, a notepad and a laptop. She circles church listings in the phone book with a red sharpie, visits their Web sites on her laptop and pencils in their names on her calendar between November 25th and December 24th, all the while taking copious notes. “There are so many churches in the area, and we have such a limited...

VATICAN CITY — In a surprise move, the Vatican announced late Thursday that while priests cannot marry, they can date. “We invite priests to test the singles market, as long as they keep it above the neck and don’t make long-term commitments,” says a spokesman. A dozen priest-dating sites with names like EverDating.com sprung up immediately, with tens of thousands of priests offering photos and descriptions of their likes and dislikes to potential paramours. Most offered a disclaimer that said they could develop a significant platonic relationship, but marriage was off limits. “It’s completely natural for men and women to...

Bob: "Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal...? Jim: "You mean the Mexican gun running?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean SEAL Team 6?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi ?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean voter fraud?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean that 3 or 4 of Obama's GAY friends were mysteriously MURDERED when they came forward with claims he was gay too?" Bob: "No, the other...

New Jersey governor Chris Christie, a Republican, is on his way to winning big in his bid for reelection Tuesday, and there's already talk he may be on his way to running for president in three years. Speaking to CNN's Jake Tapper, Christie argued he's not a moderate as he's sometimes portrayed. "I'm a conservative," Christie told Tapper. "I've governed as a conservative in this state, and I think that's led to some people disagreeing with me in our state, because it's generally a left-of-center, blue state."

Former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist will launch his gubernatorial campaign this morning at a public rally to be held at Albert Whitted Park near his St. Petersburg home. "I'm looking forward to Monday and making it official in every way," Crist said on Friday. "I just hope that the message that we deliver will lift Florida's spirits and let her know that there's a brighter future tomorrow. And it's coming."

The joke in question came from the Bluff the Listener segment of the show Saturday, in which an audience member was asked to identify which of three stories about an old joke coming true had been taken from that week's headlines. Peter Grosz, an actor and TV writer who has appeared as a panelist and guest host on "Wait Wait," offered a supposed news item referencing a joke asking how many Poles it takes to screw in a light bulb.

Norwegian store forced to apologise for stocking realistic human limbs in its frozen meat section as part of a Halloween joke A Norwegian shop has been forced to apologise to children and their families after it packed realistic looking severed plastic hands and feet in butchers' plastic trays and sold them as part of its Halloween collection.Furious parents were horrified when they discovered the severed limbs in the meat freezers which terrified children looking for Halloween costumes and decorations.Europris, which has stores across Norway, has now been forced to withdraw the range of fake, shrink-wrapped body parts.

Published on Aug 7, 2013 Mattress Firm Commercial

The U.S. and Iran held their highest-level talks in 36 years on Thursday, in what some officials present described as a substantial meeting over Tehran's disputed nuclear program that could begin to counter decades of enmity. In the session, diplomats began the process of trying to establish programs to inspect, verify and curtail Iran's expanding nuclear complex, a process diplomats on both sides warned was arduous and uncertain.

If you've ever wanted to spice up your PTA meetings or work retreats with some clean jokes, a recently published collection of quips by Lakewood Church pastor Joel Osteen should help you out. According to Andrea Davis, a spokeswoman for Lakewood, the church did not sign off on "Joel Osteen Jokes" or publish the book. Davis said the church is reviewing the book to see if it is infringing on any of Lakewood's copyrights.