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The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried.... over time: weight lifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd like to try the bet."...

FARMVILLE, Va. (WTVR)—The drive-thru itself was an innovative concept, but at this one, it’s unlikely you can order any fries or a shake. Carl Eggleston of Farmville believes in innovation when it comes to his funeral business. After 30 years in the business, he’s seen some changes and he’s tried to be one who keeps up with the times and needs of families. Next month he’ll have cameras installed in the chapel, so services can be viewed online for family out-of-state.

The Kremlin Friday dismissed as unconvincing evidence that U.S. officials provided of Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad's alleged use of chemical weapons and criticized Washington's decision to arm Syrian opposition fighters, but stopped short of threatening to deliver air-defense missiles to the Assad government in response. A senior Kremlin official said Moscow is "not yet" discussing the delivery of the advanced air-defense system in the wake of the U.S. decision. Last month, Russian officials threatened to fulfill the 2010 contract for the S-300 missiles as a way to deter potential outside military intervention in the two-year-old Syrian civil war. Western powers...

It’s the only title better than President of the United States. Bill Clinton was named “Father of the Year” by the National Father’s Day Committee on Tuesday as the former leader was celebrated by family and friends for his accomplishments as a dad. “I [RECEIVED]a text message from Hillary saying, ‘Congratulations. I think you deserve this,” a smiling Bill Clinton told an audience at a Save the Children benefit, where he was presented the award. “In our family, that’s a very big deal,” he said, according to PARADE. The former President’s daughter, Chelsea Clinton, made a surprise appearance to honor...

You knew it would only be a matter of time before someone released a side-by-side comparison video of Jesus Christ and the prophet Mohammed. Fox News contributor and funny man Steven “I am Canadian, Ay” Crowder, has put out a hilarious video where he effectively contrasts the teachings of Christ with those of Mohammed...

Sergio Garcia's spat with Tiger Woods went to another level Tuesday. Asked in jest at the European Tour awards dinner in London whether he'd invite Woods over for dinner during next month's U.S. Open, Garcia replied, according to The Guardian: "We will have him round every night. We will serve fried chicken." Garcia later apologized, issuing this statement: “I apologize for any offense that may have been caused by my comment on stage during the European Tour Players' Awards dinner. I answered a question that was clearly made towards me as a joke with a silly remark, but in no...

May 7, 2013 Susan Rice to be honored with “Great American Award” for “strengthening the world’s common security” Kelsey Osterman U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice will be honored Tuesday night with the 2013 Louis E. Martin Great American Award.The annual award, presented by The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies, is given to “an exemplar of change, progress and coalition-building across racial lines,” according to a press release.Specifically, the organization is honoring Rice for ”her work in advancing U.S. interests, strengthening the world’s common security and prosperity, and promoting respect for human rights,” another press release states.The...

The horrific crash of a 747-400 at Bagram (here) has yet to be fully investigated and claims are already being made that it was a stall caused by a loose cargo that caused tail of the aircraft to drop and the nose to rise depriving the wings of lift. Maybe. The Bagram 747 crash has many similarities to the even more horrific crash of AWACS flight Yukla-27, (here) which was caused by the aircraft striking at least two Canada Geese in the Runway Kill Zone (RKZ) as discussed on an earlier post on this blog (here). Terrorists familiar with the...

A guy is out walking in a field and spots a large hole in the ground. He walks over to it and peers over the edge. He can't see the bottom, so he looks around and spots a pebble. He tosses the pebble in the hole, cocks his head, and listens. Nothing. He looks around again, sees a large boulder, hefts it up and waddles over to the edge of the hole and heaves it it and cocks his head. Nothing. He looks around once more and spots a large railroad tie. With considerable effort, he drags it to the...

BEST BAR JOKE EVER! A lawyer, an Illegal alien, a pathological liar, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar. Bartender asks... "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

Last month, Ford made headlines for an allegedly unapproved ad featuring Silvio Berlusconi with a trunk full of gagged, hog tied, and crying women. And now McDonald's is fielding a PR failure for an unapproved ad that went public. The ad, found as a poster on the Boston metro, parodied mental health and depression PSAs: "You're not alone. Million of people love the Big Mac," the ad reads, next to the photo of a crying woman and an 800-number that connects to McDonald's corporate office.

Steve Irwin jokes will still get you in trouble. Rick Mayer of The Tampa Tribune reports the Rays have made an official statement in regard to the polarizing picture of Raymond holding up a sign referencing a "Rays To Do List." Under the header, Steve Irwin—a popular wildlife expert who was killed by a stingray in 2006—has his name crossed out with "World Series" next on the to-do list agenda...

The United States has made it clear that it will not accept North Korea as a "nuclear state." This was stated by Secretary of State John Kerry during a joint press conference with his visiting South Korean counterpart Yun Byung-se in Washington on Tuesday. "What Kim Jong-un has been choosing to do is provocative, it is dangerous, reckless, and the United States will not accept the DPRK as a nuclearstate,"hesaid in referenceto theyoung North Korean leader's ambitious nuclear policy. Kerry reiterated that "the United States will do what isnecessary to defend ourselvesand defend our allies, Korea and Japan. We are...

An anonymous White House aide says that the president reaching out to Republicans is a "joke," a waste of time, and stunt for the media. As Ron Fournier of National Journal reports: Obama’s sudden burst of public outreach coincides with a drop in his approval ratings, noted first by Democratic pollsters advising the White House last week and now surfacing in a spate of public polls. This raises the uncomfortable question: Is this schmooze-a-thon a legitimate act of humility and leadership or a cynical public display? I can’t answer that question because I don’t pretend to know Obama’s state of...

During his trip to Israel this month, U.S. President Barack Obama is expected to pay a visit to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, members of his delegation told Israeli government ministry representatives on Monday... According to the itinerary that was presented on Monday morning, Obama will land in Israel at around noon on Wednesday, March 20 and be welcomed in an official ceremony at Ben-Gurion Airport. Immediately afterward, Obama will be shown an Iron Dome battery. Due to lack of time, the battery will be set up at Ben-Gurion Airport, and at the conclusion of his welcome ceremony,...

As budget battles resume, Republicans hope Obama 'sincere' in compromise efforts After a week of President Obama extending lunch and dinner invites to congressional Republicans, ahead of the next budget battle, party leaders are expressing cautious optimism about the president being sincere – not just leading a so-called charm offensive. The invitations appear to be a change in political tactics for Obama, who since elected in 2008 has largely avoided courting Congress, preferring as of late to instead make his case to the public with campaign-style events. He also plans to keep up the effort this week with three scheduled...

Sports Illustrated has put together a list of the 50 most powerful people in sports and President Obama comes in at -- No. 44: 44 BARACK OBAMA U.S. President [TASTEMAKER ] [WORLD POWER ] [HAS NUCLEAR CODES ] [SOCIAL SAVVY ] POTUS might be the ultimate global power player, but he also wields significant influence in the Republic of Sports. One relevant riff-on his NCAA tourney picks, on his desire for

A guy goes into a bar in Cleveland where there's a robot bartender... The robot says, "What will you have"? The guy replies, " I'll have a whisky".  The robot brings back his whisky and says to the man, " what is your IQ"? The guy.says, "168". The robot proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.  The guy leaves but he is curious- so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender asks," what will you have"? The man says "I will have a whisky".  The robot returns with the drink and asks , "what is...

WASHINGTON -- I am indebted to Amity Shlaes for gently correcting a joke of mine that dates back to July 8, 1972. On that date in the New York Times, I joshed that President Calvin Coolidge "probably spent more time napping than any president in the nation's history" and therefore was a successful president. My joke was a play on an earlier joke by H. L. Mencken, and now Shlaes has corrected both of us. She has written a very impressive biography titled simply "Coolidge," wherein she never mentions Cal's naps but rather what made him the most successful president...

Canada will never be a safe haven for zombies.” In other news, the Canadian government is much for fun than the American government. The Canadian government has gone on the record about the zombie apocalypse. In an amazing exchange on the floor of the House of Commons today, Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird was asked if he was working to "develop an international zombie strategy so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse." New Democratic Party Parliament Member Pat Martin applauded the United States Center for Disease Control's emergency preparedness measures premised on a zombie outbreak...