Posted on 07/11/2013 6:54:45 AM PDT by US Navy Vet
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried.... over time: weight lifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK"; grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence.... as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for the IRS."
Good one!
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes his son has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking and, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting nearby reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the table; gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the room.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy squirming from the violent pain- coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the I.R.S..."
I think I heard that one with the woman being a divorce lawyer.
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