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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Sanders Calls for Nationalized Health Care [semi-satire]

    01/26/2016 10:14:56 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 Jan 2016 | John Semmens
    Riding on the crest of poll numbers showing a surge for his presidential bid, Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) upped the ante vs. rival former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton by calling for a nationalization of health care. "Obamacare is a confusing mess of broken promises," Sanders asserted. "We need to replace it with a fully socialized system where all medical payments and decisions are made by the federal government." Under Sanders' proposal everyone would be covered with a zero deductible and zero co-pay plan. "No one should have to skimp on medical treatment merely because they'd have to pay out...
  • [SATIRE] DOJ to Investigate Oscars

    01/29/2016 7:52:59 PM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Jan 2016 | John Semmens
    The absence of blacks, gays, and transgenders from the ranks of those nominated for this year's Academy Awards has spurred outrage among cultural elites. Hollywood power couple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith announced they will boycott the awards ceremony. Homosexual actor Ian McKellen groused that "we mustn't let the attention given to racism completely overshadow the homophobia plaguing the film industry." US Attorney General Loretta Lynch labeled "the lack of nominations for legally protected groups is disturbing. The claim that nominees are democratically determined by secret ballot does not exempt the Academy from affirmative action laws. Racially disparate outcomes...
  • Swedish Authorities Unsure of How to Deal with Refugee Violence [semi-satire]

    01/30/2016 1:19:07 PM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 Jan 2016 | John Semmens
    After a contingent of ten police officers were scared off from rescuing a ten-year-old rape victim from a refugee center, authorities professed themselves to be at a loss for what to do next. "The ardor with which the Muslim mob attacked the police seeking to remove the boy from the center has caused us to reexamine our premises," National Police Commissioner Dan Eliasson admitted. "To us, the idea of grown men sexually abusing this young boy is repugnant. But are we guilty of projecting our own values onto another culture?" "I am told that keeping such boys on hand for...
  • Trump Snags First Congressional Endorsement [semi-satire]

    01/31/2016 8:52:18 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 Jan 2016 | John Semmens
    While a slew of GOP presidential contenders ranging from Sen. Ted Cruz (Tex) to former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush have gotten endorsements from sitting members of Congress, Donald Trump had come up empty until this week when Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) gave him the nod. "When you look over who the Republicans are considering as their nominee its a sorry bunch," Reid observed. "None of them possess the visionary leadership exhibited over the last seven years by President Obama. However, one of them stands out as a man of perspicacity and guile. That man is Donald Trump. Not...
  • Welcome To New York, The New Turd World

    01/31/2016 7:05:16 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 6 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 1-31-2016 | MOTUS
    I understand that Bernie is surging in the polls. I would like to take this opportunity to present what the country is likely to look like after 4 years under his Democratic Socialism. You can already see it taking shape in some of America’s largest cities. Let’s look at New York since they elected their Democratic Socialist Mayor. (trigger warning: culturally appropriated behavior on display) Mark-Viverito in April announced plans to decriminalize public urination along with five other low-level offenses: biking on the sidewalk, public consumption of alcohol, being in a park after dark, failure to obey a park sign...
  • Reaganite's SUNDAY FUNNIES

    01/31/2016 3:09:51 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 24 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 31 January 2016 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • Sanders' Tax Hike to Cost 6 Million Jobs [semi-satire]

    01/30/2016 9:13:32 AM PST · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 Jan 2016 | John Semmens
    An analysis undertaken by the Tax Foundation estimates that the tax increases promised by Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) will cut economic growth by more than 9% and result in 6 million fewer full-time jobs. "Sanders' plan would significantly increase marginal tax rates on capital and labor income, which would result in a substantial reduction of the size of the U.S. economy in the long run," authors Alan Cole and Scott Greenberg asserted. Sanders' campaign manager Jeff Weaver pooh-poohed the report quoting economist John Maynard Keynes' observation that "in the long run we are all dead. At 74...
  • DUmmie FUnnies 01-30-16 (DUmmies Suddenly NOT Sick & Tired of Hearing About Hillary's Damn Emails)

    01/30/2016 9:05:17 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 36 replies
    DUmmie FUnnies ^ | January 30, 2015 | Dummies & PJ-Comix
    During the first Democrat Presidential Candidate Debate last year, Bernie Sanders told Hillary Clinton that "the American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails." That was the attitude of the DUmmies as well and for months afterwards not much was said about the topic in DUmmieland...until now. Suddenly, with the Iowa caucuses looming this Monday, her "damn emails" have become a hot topic in DUmmieland especially since some of her "damn emails" are rated top secret at the highest level and could be easily hacked from her private server. You can see the sudden DUmmie...
  • Even Famous Blondes Can’t Lie to the FBI

    01/30/2016 6:32:19 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 19 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 1-30-2016 | MOTUS
    Bernie Sanders may be tired of hearing about Hillary’s email scandal butt after yesterday’s revelation that "22 documents covering 37 pages" from seven email chains were Top Secret and will not be released, he may be the only one who is.Despite Hilz insistence that this is all part of the vast right-wing conspiracy it should be noted that the FBI falls under the juristiction of the Obama Department of Justice. If I were advising Hillary I might suggest she pack away some of the smugness and attempt faking a little more remorsefulness for a change.“OK, I’m sorry you found them.”...
  • Donald Trump has flip-flopped so much that Stephen Colbert hosted a Trump vs. Trump debate

    01/30/2016 4:10:34 AM PST · by Berlin_Freeper · 45 replies
    vox.com ^ | January 29, 2016 | German Lopez
    The final Republican presidential debate before the Iowa caucuses was missing the field's loudest mouth, Donald Trump. But not to worry: Stephen Colbert on Thursday hosted an all-Trump debate — in which Trump debated himself.
  • The Republican Debate: A Swell Job Was Done By All

    01/29/2016 8:53:44 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 9 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 1-29-2016 | MOTUS
    Did you watch the Republican debate last night? Neither did I. I did tune in to their after-show selfie analysis long enough to note that Fox thinks they did a very fine job, indeed. With The Donald off the set the show really was all about the moderators, the way it’s supposed to be.And I must say in the clips I saw Ms. Megyn looked fabulous. Although those furry eyelashes were a bit distracting in the same way Lady M’s are from time to timeAnyway, they think they did such a swell job that they even managed to breathe a...
  • TGIF 'toons

    01/29/2016 4:17:39 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 4 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 29 January 2016 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • Jesse Watters for Trumps White house spokesperson

    01/29/2016 1:19:58 AM PST · by Fhios · 12 replies
    1/29/16 | Totally vane
    Anybody concur? The guy loves to goof on people and it seems to me he likes the Don. Let him goof on the media for a few years.
  • Submission Thy Name is Islam

    01/28/2016 5:38:57 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 1 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 1-28-2016 | MOTUS
    What happens when America stops expecting its immigrants to assimilate to our culture and instead assimilates to theirs? Well, you begin by installing footbaths at universities so Muslims will stop washing their feet in the bathroom sinks and you take it from there. Eventually the rights and rituals of the minority Muslims take presedence over the rights and rituals of the country’s majority Christians.For a closer look at how the world’s most advanced civilization submits to the will of the world’s most retrograde civilization we need only look to Europe. In the past week two stories exemplify the death spiral the...
  • You’ve Been Trumped

    01/27/2016 7:40:48 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 17 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 1-27-2016 | MOTUS
     Fox News, you’ve just been TrumpedLove him or hate him you’ve got to admire The Donald’s style. It’s not like he hasn’t made it perfectly clear: if you eff with him he will eff with you. So when Fox put out a pre-debate snarky comment about Trump yesterday: "We learned from a secret back channel that the Ayatollah and Putin both intend to treat Donald Trump unfairly when they meet with him if he becomes president. A nefarious source tells us that Trump has his own secret plan to replace the Cabinet with his Twitter followers to see if he should...
  • Hump Day Humor

    01/27/2016 2:51:14 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 8 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 27 January 2016 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • 60 Reasons Why Oil Investors Should Hang On

    01/26/2016 3:50:48 PM PST · by bananaman22 · 9 replies
    Oilprice.com ^ | 26-01-2016 | doyle
    Inventories will continue to rise, but the momentum is slowing. The following are some observations as to how we got here and how we’re gonna get out. 9 reasons why oil has taken so long to bottom: 1. OPEC increased production in 2015 to multiyear highs, principally in Saudi Arabia and Iraq where production between the two added 1.5 million barrels per day (mb/d) to inventories after the no cut stance was adopted. 2. Russian production increased in 2015 to post Soviet highs. 3. Long planned Gulf of Mexico production began coming on in late 2015. 4. An overhang of...
  • Moose Jumps over a Car

    01/26/2016 10:18:28 AM PST · by w1n1 · 22 replies
    Cal Sportsman ^ | 1/26/2016 | C Buckner
    We've all seen the videos of people trying to jump over cars. It's the one really stupid way to prove that you are the most athletic person in your group. No matter what the results, it's something that should be videoed. Check out what happens when this acrobatic moose gives it a go, see it here.
  • Range 15 trailer! (A comedy that features combat vets!) VIDEO

    01/26/2016 9:42:11 AM PST · by Marie · 7 replies
    YouTube ^ | Jan 26, 2016 | MaxBest
    Fantastic trailer! (Warning - harsh language. This is a movie made by real combat vets, featuring real combat vets) Featuring marcus luttrell!! VIDEO AT THE LINK
  • Bad Water and Wedgies

    01/26/2016 5:15:21 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 5 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 1-26-2016 | MOTUS
    It’s hard to get the truth on anything from anybody anymore. Take the Flint, Michigan water crisis: now we know the rest of the story.Here is the Cliff notes version:  The Flint water crisis is the result of a Keynesian stimulus project gone wrong. Who could have figured that switching to a parallel water pipeline being built by a private company might actually cost more than staying with the Detroit water system? Documents that have just resurfaced show that the then DWSD Director Susan McCormick presented two alternatives to Emergency Manager Ed Kurtz that slashed rates for Flint by nearly...