Posted on 08/08/2023 2:37:48 PM PDT by servo1969
CORUSCANT — Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly recruited the recently retired athlete to train its stormtroopers to shoot.
"She's the perfect fit for the job," said General Cassio Tagge of the move. "The Empire has carried on a long tradition of poor marksmanship. It is one of the bedrocks of everything we have built in the galaxy. Bringing Megan Rapinoe on staff to train new troops will ensure that tradition continues. If anyone knows about missing important shots, it's this dude with the funny-colored hair."
Imperial leadership had grown concerned in recent months after new classes of stormtroopers were reportedly hitting their targets with an increased rate of accuracy. "Word came down directly from Emperor Palpatine himself," Tagge continued. "He will not tolerate stormtroopers being able to consistently hit what they're aiming at. He was the one who suggested hiring Megan Rapinoe in the first place. We'll have our infantry back to being totally inept and incapable of hitting any of their shots in no time."
Though Rapinoe was unavailable for comment, reports from sources say working for the Empire is a dream come true for the soccer star. "She's fully on board with everything the Empire stands for," said the unnamed source. "Spreading evil throughout the galaxy is what she's all about."
At publishing time, Rapinoe was already in hot water with imperial leadership as she demanded to be paid as much as Darth Vader.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I never could figure out why Stormtroopers wore those stupid white outfits when one blaster shot goes right through it.
Because they look tacti-cool!
I’m surprised Jerry Jones hasn’t yet extended her an offer to tryout to be the Cowboys placekicker.
Megan was trained by the opponents of the A-Team.
She will be awesome at this!
Starship troopers against star trek red shirts.
What happens?
I thought she would get a position training black yutes on how to kick and stomp people’s heads.
With her onboard they expect that the shooters will come out of this training with perfect aim and scores because she will be the target. Thus motivating the shooters to hit their target every time.
Gotta love the Bee!
She’s the perfect fit for the job,” said General Cassio Tagge
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I dunno dude
She’s a turn coat.
Don’t you mean “awesome she will be at this?”.
🤣🤣 🦅.
This obviously isn’t true. She isn’t bad-mouthing the Galactic Empire yet and she hasn’t yet recruited her teammates to hate the Galactic Empire. But none of them sang the Galactic Empire Anthem, so she’s making progress on her anti-Galactic Empire crusade.
LOL! I was hoping to never hear of her again. But since it's The Bee....
I thought she was going to work for ‘Snap on Tools’
There was a joke that went around the Pittsburgh area that Gerela, one night after missing what would have been a come-from-behind field goal in a high stakes game became so depressed that he decided to end it all.
Gerela put a gun to this head, pulled the trigger and the bullet went wide right.
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