Free Republic

Police Slowly Escort White Hearse Containing O.J. SimpsonLOS ANGELES, CA — Mourners and curious onlookers alike gathered along the 405 freeway in Southern California to bear witness as Los Angeles Police vehicles slowly escorted a white For Bronco hearse containing O.J. Simpson.The procession, which traveled at a low speed with law enforcement working to prohibit any other vehicles from getting on the freeway, allowed onlookers to have one final chance to see Simpson being followed by police officers."One last time, for old time's sake," said one witness who watched the white Bronco roll by followed by dozens of police cruisers....

U.S. — A new service "SquatBNB" has launched, aimed at helping potential squatters find the home of their dreams to take over. "Far too often, squatters take over a new home without knowing the quality of amenities provided, or difficulties dealing with the host," said SquatBNB CEO Don Carmichael. "Our service will allow squatters to read reviews from other squatters who have stayed at a property and see honest feedback about what each home has to offer. We have millions of homes on our site, ready for immediate squatting -- and the best part is, it's absolutely free!" According to...

U.S. — Leaders in the Lone Star State awoke this morning eager to learn how they would be able to address the border crisis as a federal court once again flipped a coin to see if Texas would be allowed to enforce laws today. The daily routine, consisting of finding out whether law enforcement officers would have the power to enforce laws depending on the whims of different federal judges, has swung wildly from one day to the next, leaving Texas officials wondering which side of the argument currently had the advantage. "Step right up for the daily coin flip...

U.S. — An attack by a cell belonging to a violent extremist group was averted last week, as terrorists decided against hijacking a plane after finding out it was made by Boeing. The hijacking, which was allegedly planned to be carried out over the weekend, was called off at the last minute after the group of terrorists behind the plot discovered the flight they were targeting was a Boeing 737, which meant everyone on board — including the terrorists — would be in serious danger. "We're not going anywhere near that deathtrap," said terrorist Abu Musab Alwani, who masterminded the...

WALTHAM, MA — A somber mood fell over one of the nation's foremost defense contractors this morning, as Raytheon lowered its flags to half-staff after Nikki Haley announced she was dropping out of the 2024 presidential race. The aerospace technology corporation, which had been holding out hope that the world would enter a new era of highly profitable war, destruction, and death with the onset of World War III, was devastated by this morning's news that Haley had suspended her campaign. "This is a major blow," said a Raytheon spokesperson. "We are deeply saddened by the news of Nikki Haley...

U.S. — In a landmark decision, the entire cast of The View has voted to overturn the Supreme Court's overturning of the Colorado Supreme Court's decision to remove Trump from the ballot. "These Supreme Court justices are schmucks!" exclaimed beloved TV personality and law expert Joy Behar after receiving word of the ruling. "Everyone knows the Constitution, or the Declaration of Freedom — or whatever that piece of paper is called — clearly states that Trump should never be on the ballot. Because he's clearly a fascist. Duh! Everyone knows that!" Sources say that hosts Behar, along with entertainer Whoopi...

Welcome to Joe Biden’s America…where kids can’t play in a neighborhood park without tripping over human body parts. A cadaver dog working with local police has located a woman’s head and several body parts in a Long Island, NY, park. A little girl playing in the park reportedly discovered the body parts. Colin Rugg tweeted about the incident. “Open borders have consequences,” he said. Just hours earlier, police found two… pic.twitter.com/2kVGrCdM2s — Collin Rugg (@CollinRugg) March 1, 2024 Police are saying the Salvadorian MS-13 gang may have been involved. NY news is reporting on the limbs and head discovered next...

Archaeologists measured the magnetic fields found in clay bricks to determine the construction date of Babylon's Ishtar Gate.Babylon's bright-blue Ishtar Gate was thought to have been built to celebrate the conquest of Jerusalem — but a new analysis finds that it may have been erected years later.The iconic glazed-brick edifice, which King Nebuchadnezzar II ordered to be built and decorated with wild bulls and mušhuššu-dragons while ruling the Babylonian empire from 605 to 562 B.C., was constructed in three phases and served as the entrance to the ancient city of Babylon, located in southern Mesopotamia. However, the exact dates of...

I have good news, and bad news. First the good news, from Psalm 33: “Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD.” Now the bad news: God is not pleased with the United States of America. Almighty God is no longer Lord of our nation.

ATLANTA, GA — In what some industry insiders have described as a clear case of "one-upmanship," Delta Airlines has raised the diversity, equity, and inclusion bar even higher after introducing its new "short plane" specifically designed for special needs pilots. With increased scrutiny of late on airlines implementing DEI policies among crucial flight crew positions, the Atlanta-based airline giant took the unprecedented step of creating an entirely new model of aircraft to accommodate pilots who are either physically or mentally incapable of operating a standard aircraft. "This is a huge step forward for the retarded folk, er, I mean, the...

When I first read about Neom in October 2017, it was a crazy, whacked-out idea for a pop-up city in the desert of Saudi Arabia. When completed, it will be 33 times the size of New York City. Today, Saudi officials say it is 20% completed, and this video proves it.

SANTA MONICA, CA — A local man was tragically rendered unable to brush his teeth after he mistakenly neglected to pay the monthly subscription fee on his smart electric toothbrush. "Toothbrush functionality disabled," the toothbrush had chirped loudly after a payment was declined. "Please update your method of payment to continue brushing your teeth." "This is awful," said Jake Brown, owner of the toothbrush. "Things have just been so busy with the holidays and everything going on, I forgot to make this month's payment on my subscription for my OraDent Max, and now I haven't been able to brush my...

Brick dates to the reign of Nebuchadnezzar II (ca. 604 to 562 BCE) based on the interpretation of the inscription. This object was looted from its original context before being acquired by the Slemani Museum and stored in that museum with agreement from the central government. Image courtesy of the Slemani Museum. Credit: Slemani Museum ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In a novel study, researchers utilized ancient Mesopotamian bricks to gain insights into Earth’s magnetic field changes 3,000 years ago. This archaeomagnetic approach provides a more precise method for dating ancient artifacts and understanding historical magnetic field fluctuations. Ancient bricks inscribed with the names...

CAMBRIDGE, MA — As controversy continued to swirl at Harvard University after the school's board expressed unanimous support for its embattled leader, President Claudine Gay responded to the people calling for her removal by giving a rousing, original speech she wrote called "I Have A Dream." "This is something I just wrote last night to inspire others," Gay said. "It is my hope that this speech, which I wrote entirely myself, will help other people stand up under unjust oppression, just as I have over the last week." Gay then took a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it,...

U.S. — In response to increasing displays of antisemitism across the country and around the world, authorities have advised Jewish people to protect themselves from violent attacks by no longer being Jewish. "It's a simple solution," said historic White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is gay and black. "We have seen a sharp rise in antisemitic behavior, so our best advice to Jewish people in fear for their lives is to stop doing Jewy things and consider not being Jewish altogether." As hostilities continue in Gaza between Israeli forces and the terrorist organization Hamas, troubling incidents in multiple cities...

MIAMI, FL — An NFL game almost became watchable today, but was saved at the last moment by veteran referee John Ross. "Not on my watch," said Ross as he strode to midfield with his fellow referees, aimlessly launching a flag. "Now let's stand here and make hand gestures to each other for a couple minutes until all the momentum and excitement has left the building." Before the incident, the game between the Dolphins and Patriots had been going along as usual, with inane penalties and countless delays sucking all the life out the atmosphere. "Somehow, right in the middle...

LOS ANGELES, CA — As emergency crews continued to investigate the cause of the fire that damaged the 10 freeway in downtown L.A., a new report indicates the blaze occurred as the result of a plan created by Governor Gavin Newsom to burn all of the state's major freeways so no more California residents can move out of the state. "It's a diabolical, but brilliant scheme," said sociologist Dr. Blake Rumsey. "If there are no useable roads, nobody can leave California, and the state will stop hemorrhaging its population. Newsom hatched quite a little plan here, it seems. After all,...

ROCKFORD, IL — After tragedy struck a local family last night, local dad Jordan Duckworth bore the unenviable task of notifying his children that a burglar had broken into their home and stolen all of the Reese's peanut butter cups they had received while trick-or-treating. "I'm sorry, kids. Our house was robbed last night," Mr. Duckworth said sadly after gathering his kids in the kitchen this morning. "Fortunately, the thief didn't take your mother's jewelry, our television, or the bar of pure gold we keep on the coffee table for some reason. Kids, I'm afraid he only took…your Reese's peanut...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — New York Congressman Jamaal Bowman again found himself trying to explain away an awkward situation today, as he apparently once again pulled the Capitol fire alarm whilst attempting to flush a urinal. "Oh my, is that what that does? I thought it was for the urinal," Bowman reportedly said when questioned by the Capitol Police. "I was just trying to get rid of my waste. Shaking hands with an old friend, you know? I thought pulling that lever would evacuate my urine from the receptacle. My mistake!" Republican members of Congress and skeptical American citizens expressed doubt...

Our present age is one in which “love,” as we refer to it, has become so distorted as to be hardly recognizable. Acts of flagrant rebellion against God are gleefully sanctioned in the name of love; evil is everywhere celebrated, supposedly, for the sake of love; oppression is promulgated for the cause of love; and lies are disseminated throughout every corner of society under the guise of love. And lest we risk falling into abstraction, what I am referring to here are things like Torontostreets being filled with all manner of public sexual deviance in the month of June, libraries...