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Keyword: humor

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  • Calvinist Health Insurance Company Declares All Conditions Pre-Existing

    05/11/2017 3:56:51 PM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 45 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 5/10/17
    SANFORD, FL—A newly formed health insurance company owned by a group of devoted Calvinists announced that they will not cover any health condition, since every condition of humankind was pre-existing and established by sovereign God before the foundation of time. The company, Total Deductibility, states clearly in its bylaws that “pre-existing conditions may not be covered, which include every possible ailment and so-called ‘accident,’ all of which God foreknew and predestined to occur prior to the existence of the client’s policy, and time itself.” The firm was thrilled when the new GOP health care law, which drops the requirement to...
  • The Reason Right Wing Memes Are The Most Popular

    04/26/2017 5:26:28 PM PDT · by Bon mots · 16 replies ^ | April 26, 2017 | Joe Bish
    We spoke to the author of 'The Ambivalent Internet' about the rise of the right online. Professor Whitney Phillips, author of This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, a book about trolling, has teamed up with Professor Ryan M Milner to pen another book about internet culture. The Ambivalent Internet is about how we express ourselves online, the ways in which we do it, why we do it and how it ends up the way it does. The book was written on the eve of Donald Trump's ascension to the world's highest office, and deals, in part, with the...
  • Why men are rarely published in Dear Abby

    05/04/2017 7:33:53 AM PDT · by smokingfrog · 24 replies
    internets ^ | 4-1-17 | unknown
    Dear Abby, I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I...
  • Intellectual Froglegs 100 Day Edition

    04/29/2017 12:43:29 PM PDT · by HarleyLady27 · 7 replies
    The Conservative Treehouse ^ | April 29, 2017 | Sundance
    Joe Dan Gorman presents the latest Intellectual Frog Legs:
  • The Left wants to defund the wall, let's defund THEIR security ~ Vanity

    04/25/2017 3:40:19 PM PDT · by GraceG · 7 replies
    4-25-2017 | GraceG
    So the left thinks the United States should be paying "The federal version of ADT" for building a security perimeter on the southern border.... Well so glad it is so nice an peaceful these days that nobody needs security anymore, i mean IF we needed Security these days they would fund a wall, RIGHT? So why do democrats need to keep paying for private security around their houses? I think Nancy Pelosi could give a LOT more money to Charity if she didn't keep having to pay for personal security which is obviously a waste of her money. "Hello, ADT,...
  • Planned Parenthood Releases Abortion Discussion Guide

    04/25/2017 1:24:41 PM PDT · by rochester · 6 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 4/24/2017 | The Babylon Bee
    As part of its ongoing campaign to continue receiving tax dollars to perform its services, Planned Parenthood just released the above graphic intended to assist the organization’s supporters in their discussions, debates, and arguments with pro-life advocates. The infographic contains what Planned Parenthood calls the “three basic steps” of arguing the pro-choice position: shutting one’s eyes to any evidence presented, plugging up one’s ears to any rationale, and screaming something about “women’s rights,” “patriarchy,” and “choice” at the top of one’s lungs. “The intention of our carefully crafted argumentation guide is to ensure no pro-choice advocates are exposed to dangerous...
  • Feminist Hero Refuses To Let Fireman Carry Her From Burning Building [satire]

    04/24/2017 5:32:21 PM PDT · by NRx · 51 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 04-24-2017 | Staf
    HELL’S KITCHEN, NY—A woman is being heralded as a feminist icon after refusing to let a male firefighter carry her out of a burning building. The woman burned to death several minutes later, sources confirmed. According to FDNY firefighters, the woman was spotted in the living room of her home, which had become engulfed in flames. Immediately, one of New York’s bravest charged through the the front door to rescue the helpless woman. But what happened next will go down in the history books. As the fireman reached out to pick up the woman and carry her to safety, she...
  • When you Gotta Go

    04/17/2017 11:58:05 AM PDT · by w1n1 · 33 replies
    AK Sportsman ^ | 4/17/2017 | S Morstan
    When you're in the woods and you need a place to go, you can at least go comfortably with this wilderness lifehack! Lots of you have probably been putting garbage bags in buckets for this kind of thing (or just been using buckets, you savages), but why not add a little extra luxury for a few added dollars, and put a pool noodle seat on it? You can even hang the paper roll from the handle. One thing I might add, if I were doing this– maybe consider reinforcing the pool noodle with some duct tape if you’re going to...
  • 5 Huma Abedin Classics You Won’t Want to Miss

    04/16/2017 11:07:46 AM PDT · by kevcol · 17 replies
    Washington Free Beacon ^ | April 13, 2017 | Matthew Walther and Andrew Kugle
    When it was reported recently that Huma Abedin was seeking $2 million for a book advance, you probably didn't realize that she was already a major author with five well-reviewed titles to her credit. While none of us can wait for the next one, here are some paperbacks to tide you over in the meantime.
  • Airplane Classic Scenes

    04/12/2017 5:08:57 PM PDT · by Morgana · 42 replies
    Dunderphonic 8-Bit ^ | Uploaded on Oct 16, 2011 | Airplane Movie
    Airplane Classic Scenes
  • World Begs U.S. To Use Military Force in Syria So They Can Bitch About It Later

    04/09/2017 8:10:43 AM PDT · by Eric Pode of Croydon · 4 replies
    Duffleblog ^ | 18 Sept 2015 | Dirk Diggler
    NEW YORK — World leaders met at the United Nations today to beg the United States to use military force to stem the ever-growing humanitarian disaster in Syria, knowing full well they will then turn around and blame the US shortly thereafter. UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon said, “We call upon the world’s greatest nation — the United States — to help bring peace to this terrible civil war, because, fuck it, none of us want to.” “And the best part is, when this whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket — which, quite frankly, happens almost every time you...
  • Outraged Clowns Say ‘IT’ Trailer Stoking Anti-Clown Prejudice, Similar to Racism

    04/07/2017 1:46:05 PM PDT · by PROCON · 44 replies ^ | April 7, 2017 | Jonathan McAloon
    Professional clowns have complained that the viral trailer for the new film version of Stephen King’s IT is stoking anti-clown prejudice comparable to racism. Outraged members of the clowning community lamented that the remake of the 1990 horror series – a trailer for which has recently taken the internet by storm – is entrenching negative perceptions about them. The two-and-a-half-minute teaser broke after racking up 197 million views in just 24 hours. It’s safe to say lots of people are excited about the return of Pennywise the killer clown – but not clowns themselves.Interviewed for Mel Magazine, several professional...
  • Auralnauts have let us in on what happened in the WH Oval office (Humor)

    04/06/2017 4:11:43 PM PDT · by Celerity · 4 replies
    Auralnauts ^ | 4/6/17 | Auralnauts (YouTube)
  • Don Rickles, Equal Opportunity Offender of Comedy, Dies at 90

    04/06/2017 1:57:43 PM PDT · by NRx · 52 replies
    NY Times ^ | 04-06-2017 | PETER KEEPNEWS and RICHARD SEVERO
    Don Rickles, the acidic stand-up comic who became world-famous not by telling jokes but by insulting his audience, died on Thursday at his home in Los Angeles. He was 90. The cause was kidney failure, said a spokesman, Paul Shefrin. For more than half a century, on nightclub stages, in concert halls and on television, Mr. Rickles made outrageously derisive comments about people’s looks, their ethnicity, their spouses, their sexual orientation, their jobs or anything else he could think of. He didn’t discriminate: His incendiary unpleasantries were aimed at the biggest stars in show business (Frank Sinatra was a favorite...

    03/27/2017 2:40:34 PM PDT · by RummyChick · 8 replies
    tmz ^ | 3/20/17 | tmz
    Paul Walker could be standing tall in San Clemente thanks to some surfer bros who begged the City Council for a statue of their hero "in the midst of gnarly times." Self-proclaimed freelance journalist Chad Kroeger made the pitch at last Tuesday's meeting, and his rationale for the 12 foot Paul statue is comedy gold ... and also, kinda touching. Chad's buddy gets up there too for some fond words on "unifying figure" Paul. Dude, we can't even describe it ... you just have to watch this.

    03/27/2017 9:47:15 AM PDT · by RummyChick · 6 replies
    tmz ^ | 3/27/17 | tmz
    Kellyanne Conway watches Kate McKinnon's impressions of her on 'SNL' ... and she even has a favorite skit. Kellyanne was arriving in D.C. Monday when a pap asked what she thinks of McKinnon lampooning her on almost every 'SNL' episode for months now. It's obvious KC is impressed because she had an answer locked and loaded. NO. DAYS. OFF.
  • 50 "Simpsons" One-Liners (trunc)

    03/27/2017 7:32:58 AM PDT · by PeteePie · 34 replies
    BuzzFeed ^ | Mar 21, 2017 | Robin Edds
    Full Header: 50 "Simpsons" One-Liners Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Every Time
  • Microsoft deletes 'teen girl' AI after it became a Hitler-loving sex robot within 24 hours

    03/24/2017 11:52:20 AM PDT · by Mechanicos · 86 replies
    The Telegraph ^ | 24 March 2016 | Helena Horton
    A day after Microsoft introduced an innocent Artificial Intelligence chat robot to Twitter it has had to delete it after it transformed into an evil Hitler-loving, incestual sex-promoting, 'Bush did 9/11'-proclaiming robot.
  • My Mother-In-Law Lives In Constant Fear Of Being Deported By President Trump !

    03/20/2017 1:24:57 PM PDT · by Strac6 · 39 replies
    email from friend in NY
    Dear Mr. President, My Mother-In-Law lives in constant fear of your deportation for illegal immigrants. Just so you are sure who she is, her she lives at 3178 Happy Valley Lane, Century City, Florida 33812. The pastel pink house. She gets back from the Senior Citizens Center about 5 and is in the house all evening, except Tuesdays which is local Democrat Club meeting, and Thursday which is Canasta Night. About 5' 2" - - 160 - - Blue Hair.
  • 'Come in and try the worst meatball sandwich': Diners share hilarious restaurant signs and menus

    03/18/2017 4:41:45 PM PDT · by Morgana · 22 replies
    daily mail uk ^ | march 18, 2017 | Naomi Leach For Mailonline
    Lighthearted restaurants across the world are serving up a side of laughter. Rather than just listing their food options, comedy menu fails and hilarious restaurant signs have been keeping eagle-eyed patrons entertained while they dine. From one eatery revelling in its bad meatball sandwich review on Yelp to passive aggressive warnings of free concussion if diners dare take photos of their food, some owners like to create a memorable dialogues with their clientele. But for others it's the well-placed typo or mis-translation that is sure to raise eyebrows. Forget jerk chicken, you might be more taken with the Chicken rude...