Keyword: humor
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/prodigal-son-returns-after-snap-benefits-expireGALILEE — A local family rejoiced after a wayward son returned in repentance to his father, though subsequent reports claimed that this was because he just ran out of SNAP benefits. Sources said that the father ran out to his son, who looked a little pudgy after living on government-subsidized junk food for months, and embraced him. "My father! I have sinned, and am no longer worthy to be called your son," said the young prodigal to his weeping dad. "Is there anything in the fridge? My EBT card hasn't been working since this government shutdown stuff happened." Witnesses said...
-
-
We are so screwed. It's over, babe. Everyone who died, died.Name one thing that isn't fouling up. You can't do it.We're all losing our jobs and the shutdown is going to cause riots and nobody will make it.We're all gonna die!!!!
-
-
-
Feel free to share with any Lefties you know. :^)
-
-
ATHENS — Activist Greta Thunberg told reporters today that Israel put a noose on her, dumped bleach on her hair, and shouted, "This is bagel country!" Thunberg stated the assailants wore masks to hide their identity, but had on giant shtreimels and kept shouting "Oy vey" to intimidate her. "I literally thought I was going to die," said Thunberg. "They threw bagels at me and shouted 'Take that, gentile!' The bagels even had schmear. And then they smacked me in the face with a pastrami sandwich and said 'This is kosher country!'" Israel has denied the accusations, stating that...
-
Trump posts wild AI video showing him flying fighter jet, dropping sewage on No Kings protesters President Trump took a massive dump on his adversaries. The president posted a wild AI-generated video of himself late Saturday as a fighter pilot wearing a crown on his head, unloading sewage on “No Kings” protesters. With “Danger Zone,” the iconic “Top Gun” theme song, blaring in the background, Trump’s fighter jet was shown dropping masses of manure on demonstrators over what appeared to be New York City.
-
GREENBELT, MD — A former Trump administration National Security Advisor's legal defense faced an uphill battle, as news broke that John Bolton's mustache had agreed to testify against him in exchange for immunity. The mustache made a brief appearance to answer questions from the media shortly after Bolton surrendered to federal authorities following his indictment on 18 counts of mishandling classified information. "I had no part in this, but I will tell everything I know," the mustache said. "You wouldn't believe the stuff this guy's had his hand in. Espionage. Disseminating top-secret government intel. Working behind the scenes to undermine...
-
-
The Trump administration is using an imagined enemy—“antifa”—to justify turning ICE into an ultra-violent, unaccountable army invading US cities. Portlanders deploying inflatable animal costumes, a brass band, mass ukulele renditions of “This Land Is Your Land,” naked bike rides, and other tactics in their ICE protests are undermining the Trump administration’s lurid claims that Portland, Oregon, is a “war-torn” city under siege by a violent left. It’s hard to portray someone dancing in an inflatable frog or chicken costume as a terrorist. This, of course, hasn’t stopped the Trump administration from officially designating antifa a domestic terrorist organization. Secretary of...
-
-
-
STOCKHOLM — The ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hamas that was brokered by President Donald Trump had other unforeseen consequences, as sources reported hearing a sad Greta Thunberg ask if anyone else needed a flotilla. The climate change activist, who took up the Palestinian cause and led a fleet of seafaring vessels on a crusade to draw attention to the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, told those close to her that she now felt disappointed that her hopes for another flotilla expedition were no longer needed. "We're ready to set sail for any random cause," she reportedly said. "We were preparing...
-
-
-
President Trump may have finally achieved what many long thought impossible, as Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first phase of a peace agreement, but this ceasefire didn't come without conditions from Hamas. Here are 10 demands Hamas is making as part of the peace deal: 1. Israel must eliminate 100% of its Jews: This is a dealbreaker for Hamas. 2. New pagers: The last batch had some problems. 3. A new fleet of paragliders: They have assured everyone it's only for recreational purposes. 4. Goats. Lots of goats: They won't say why. 5. Super Bowl tickets: They're apparently...
-
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that experts said could change the course of geopolitics for the foreseeable future, Hitler announced a historic agreement that would bring lasting peace to Israel. While historians were shocked to see that the man who was long thought to be the epitome of hatred toward the Jewish people had successfully brokered a peace treaty to usher in peace for the war-torn region of the Middle East, they had no choice but to acknowledge the positive impact Hitler was now having on Israel's fortunes. "Saving and protecting Jewish people is what Hitler is all...
-
|
|
|