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Keyword: humor

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  • Wanted: A Sense of Humor

    04/01/2016 2:21:17 PM PDT · by Kaslin · 18 replies
    Townhall.com ^ | April 1, 2016 | Paul Greenberg
    It's been a wacky election season, but when hasn't it been? Remember when Ross Perot, who couldn't decide whether he was running or not running for president, did both, alternately jumping in and out of the race as the mood struck him? Welcome to the quadrennial circus that is an American presidential campaign. This year the stacked deck now has two jokers -- Donald Trump, the self-infatuated real-estate magnate of reality TV and the Greater New York Metropolitan Area, and Chris Christie, the governor of New Jersey with a gift for gab. Naturally he promptly endorsed The Donald. It's a...
  • Joke: Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

    07/18/2018 9:07:25 AM PDT · by gattaca · 19 replies
    They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.” The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.” The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth...
  • VANITY: Humor Break

    07/22/2018 5:24:42 PM PDT · by ex91B10 · 7 replies
    For a fun-filled break click here!Good ol' UNCUT Looney Tunes, Merrie Melodies, Tom & Jerry, Flintstones and more.
  • DNC to Stage 2020 Convention in Affordable Venezuela

    08/17/2018 11:14:24 AM PDT · by Sub-Driver · 23 replies
    DNC to Stage 2020 Convention in Affordable Venezuela August 17th, 2018 Scott Ott (2018-08-17) Citing an abundance of affordable hotels, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) announced today it would hold its 2020 presidential nominating convention in Caracas, Venezuela. Explaining the historic decision to stage a convention outside of the nominal boundaries of the United States, DNC Chair Tom Perez said, Thanks to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduros Progressive administration, the bolvar now trades at 6 million to the U.S. dollar, so Democrat dollars will buy a lot of anything that might still be available in Caracas. Our DNC site search...
  • Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez falsely says that upper-middle class does not exist anymore in America

    08/15/2018 4:38:38 AM PDT · by grundle · 42 replies
    wordpress ^ | August 15, 2018 | Dan from Squirrel Hill
    Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez falsely says “that upper-middle class does not exist anymore in America” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently said:“They [national Democrats] were campaigning most when we had more of an American middle class. This upper-middle class is probably more moderate but that upper-middle class does not exist anymore in America.”The Washington Post responded with the following:“… the upper-middle class has actually grown. In a 2016 paper published by the Urban Institute, Stephen J. Rose documented that the upper-middle class has grown substantially, from 12.9 percent of the population in 1979 to 29.4 percent in 2014.”The same Washington Post article also included this chart:...
  • Signs for IDIOTS

    08/15/2018 6:10:01 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 31 replies
    email from a friend | 8/15/2018 | unknown
    Number One Idiot: I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right...
  • Another Exclusive Interview With Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez! (Satire)

    08/14/2018 9:18:29 AM PDT · by rexthecat · 4 replies
    Very Ersatz news (VEN) ^ | August 14, 2018 | Editorial Board
    VEN (NEW YORK) VENs Senior Political Correspondent Jorge Burns ran into Democratic-Socialist rising star Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez at her favorite Starbucks in Rye Brook Monday for this VEN exclusive interview:
  • Ocasio-Cortez Appears On Sesame Street To Debate Economic Plan With The Count-SATIRE

    08/13/2018 5:00:47 AM PDT · by fungoking · 7 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 8/10/18 | Staff
    NEW YORK, NYStar Democratic political candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez finally accepted a challenge to debate her economic plan with Count von Count, esteemed number expert from Sesame Street, on a special guest appearance that aired Friday. The congressional candidate got into a heated exchange with the legendary counting expert, fumbling her words as he calmly tallied up the trillions of dollars she hadnt accounted for in her proposals. The number of the day is 30 trillion dollars! Ah! Ah! Ah! the Count began in his opening statement, as a number 30 puppet followed by a bunch of zeroes started dancing behind...
  • 1996 Staples "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" Back-to-School Commercial

    08/12/2018 7:32:33 AM PDT · by DoodleBob · 31 replies
    Youtube ^ | 1996 | Staples
    Staples 1996 Back to School commercial featuring a Christmas classic as the soundtrack, a happy parent, and glum kids.
  • This 1955 Good House Wifes Guide Explains How Wives Should Treat Their Husbands

    08/11/2018 12:27:31 PM PDT · by Architect of Avalon · 166 replies
    LTDC ^ | 8/11/2018 | Angel Chang
    9.) Be happy to see him. Free him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. 10.) You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. 11.) Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to...
  • National Presidential joke Day August 11

    08/11/2018 9:47:12 AM PDT · by heterosupremacist · 21 replies
    I would like to start with some very funny stuff from a funny man - President President Reagan... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fovs12cxYe4
  • Report: Christians Who Regularly Share Photos Of Bible, Coffee Significantly Godlier

    08/10/2018 4:34:17 PM PDT · by OddLane · 29 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | August 10, 2018 | Babylon Bee
    NASHVILLE, TNLifeWay Research released a new report Monday morning confirming that Christians who regularly share photos on social media which include both a Bible and a cup of coffee are significantly godlier than those who do not. The data was gathered from a study of 8,000 Christians from a variety of denominations and backgrounds. It reports much higher levels of godliness and holiness among those who share at least one Bible/coffee pic per week, along with significantly elevated levels of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. A higher frequency of sharing this specific type of image...
  • Todays ghastly groaner

    08/02/2018 7:31:30 AM PDT · by ProtectOurFreedom · 38 replies
    Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | August 2, 2018 | Jim Mowreader and Maureen Dolan
    A gorilla walked into a bar. He ordered a Jack and Coke and paid for it with a $10 bill. The bartender thought, This gorilla couldnt possibly know the prices of drinks and gave him 50 cents change. As he handed back the two quarters, the bartender said, You know, we dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla said, As bad as you overcharge, Im surprised you get any.
  • Man gouges out relative's eyes with bare hands, police say

    08/02/2018 5:32:33 AM PDT · by familyop · 32 replies
    Fox News ^ | August 2, 2018 | Amy Lieu
    "You lose your eyes theres no replacement," Rochester Police Capt. John Sherwin told FOX 47. "Obviously this is an injury that is going to change this mans life."...Barnaba, who said he gets coffee with the victim every day, referenced their Somalian culture. "In Africa, we don't really put it in consideration that mental illness is a problem,"...
  • Star Wars Remake Planned With Deep-South Accents! (humor)

    07/31/2018 2:14:46 PM PDT · by Lazamataz · 86 replies
    Just some fun stuff! | 7/30/2018 | By Laz A. Mataz and humblegunner
    Darth Vader: "Lewk! Ah am yer Pappy! Bless yor heart, y'all KNOWS it t'be true!" Darth Vader: "Alla Y'all leave dat t'me!" Obi Wan: "Darth, if'n y'all knock me on my butt, Ima come back ELEVENTY times as powahful!" Luke: "Butter mah biscuits! Dat ain't sew hard! I usta shewt wamp-rats that were 'bout that big!" Darth Vader: "Alla y'alls lack of faith PISSES ME OFF!" ObiWan (offscreen): "Use that dang ol' force, Lewk! You inbred sumbitch!" C3PO: "Best let that dang Wookie win, Bubba. He'll tear yew up!" Yoder: "TRY? Bull flops, son. Git up an' DO that thang!"...
  • Grins and Giggles

    07/31/2018 4:07:06 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 5 replies
    email from a friend | 7/31/2018 | unknown
    Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you ? Eight , the boy replied. The man continued, DO you know what these are used for? The boy replied, Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four." "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and...
  • Democrats Slam Trump For Booming Economy -- [Satire]

    07/30/2018 4:55:35 PM PDT · by Jemian · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | July 27, 2018
    U.S.Reacting with disgust to the 4.1% second-quarter GDP growth figure released Friday, the nations Democrats united to slam President Donald Trump for Americas booming economy. The U.S. economy is on fire. This is totally unacceptable and, wouldnt you know, typical of Republican policy, Nancy Pelosi said at a press conference. What happened to the good ol days, when decent Americans couldnt find a job for the life of them? Drive down Main Street in small-town America these days and all you see are Now Hiring signs. Ive got one word for you, Donald Trump: despicable. Pelosis staff also confirmed the...
  • Barack Obama was just spotted at a Subaru dealership!

    07/29/2018 10:11:40 AM PDT · by MNDude · 18 replies
    They say he was hoping to get a legacy!
  • The Biker and the Lion

    07/26/2018 9:05:45 AM PDT · by Oldpuppymax · 3 replies
    The Coach's Team ^ | 7/24/18 | Unk
    A little girl leans into a lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. A biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this...
  • CNN Breaking News: Trump Caught on Tape Politely Asking for Coke

    07/27/2018 3:45:10 PM PDT · by Kevin in California · 74 replies
    mrcNewsusters ^ | 07-27-2018 | Cody Leach
    In an age where the media has come under unprecedented levels of scrutiny for slanted reporting and bias, CNN has chosen to stick to the issues. Particularly, that of a video where President Trump politely asks for a Coca-Cola. In a video posted to CNN.com, correspondent Jeanne Moos pushed the unconfirmed reports that the President allegedly drinks 12 cans of Coke a day. She included clips of Comedy Central and other late-night television making light of the rumors.