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Keyword: humor

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  • 15 Clues Your Father Might Be a Snowflake (With Gift Suggestions)[Fathers Day Humor]

    06/17/2018 8:40:20 AM PDT · by rktman · 14 replies ^ | 6/17/2018 | Steve Sheldon
    With Father's Day quickly approaching, you may find yourself at a loss as to what to buy dear old dad. If he reads Townhall, then you have it made. However, for the few of you who find yourself in that awkward situation where you suspect your father might just be a snowflake, here's a helpful guide in both identifying telltale symptoms and helpful gift antidotes.
  • Texas Gov. Greg Abbott says that he's 'more powerful than Putin' at state convention

    06/15/2018 3:30:59 PM PDT · by bgill · 28 replies
    star telegram ^ | June 15, 2018 | Anna M. Tinsley
    God, guns and Russia. Those were among the topics Gov Greg Abbott touched on Friday, when speaking to thousands of Republicans gathered for their every-other-year state convention, this time at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center. "If Texas was its own country," Abbott said, when he was interrupted by large cheers. "Let me rephrase that. If Texas was its own country again, we'd have the 10th largest economy in the entire world. "The Texas economy alone is larger than Russia's," he said with a grin. "And that makes me more powerful than Putin."
  • Study: AC/DC’s ‘Highway To Hell’ More Theologically Accurate Than 96% Of Modern Worship Songs-SATIRE

    06/13/2018 8:18:13 AM PDT · by fungoking · 62 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 6/13/18 | Staff
    U.S.—A recent survey performed by CCLI confirmed that AC/DC’s hard rock classic “Highway to Hell” is more theologically accurate than 96% of the songs that most worship bands play on any given Sunday. The study examined over 800 songs and compared their theology to the Scriptures, and found that the Australian rock group’s 1979 classic was “significantly more accurate” than over 96% of them. “While modern worship songs tend to contain little theology, an anemic view of sin, and a poor understanding of the work of the Holy Spirit, ‘Highway to Hell’ has a very biblical view of the doctrine...
  • Ed Debevic's Chicago - Rudest Waiter Ever

    06/11/2018 9:38:22 PM PDT · by Yollopoliuhqui · 14 replies
    YouTube ^ | 6/11/18 | Yollopoliuhqui
    Let's lighten things up a bit
  • I set my flux capacitor to the year 2030 (vanity)

    06/09/2018 8:12:38 PM PDT · by Leaning Right · 18 replies
    So I set my flux capacitor to the year 2030. I was hoping to get a glimpse of the S&P 500's value at that date.
  • Will Gen Z Finally Kill Facebook?

    06/07/2018 8:45:06 AM PDT · by Red Badger · 25 replies ^ | 06.07.18 5:23 AM ET | Kamaron McNair Kamaron McNair
    Dear Generation Z, Lazy. Entitled. Technology obsessed. Do those descriptions sound familiar? Like millennials, you have been called a variety of not so flattering labels. And now, the media has added one more: murderer. All right, maybe you weren’t called murderers, but you have been accused of killing. And no, not the horror movie kind, but rest assured you’ve managed to kill pastimes and have placed entire industries on life support. As someone who either falls into the young millennial or old Gen Z category depending on your definition, I can only share in the excitement (read: eye rolls) as...
  • Don’t laugh, we’re closer to a bipartisan solution on climate change than you realize

    06/05/2018 12:12:17 PM PDT · by yesthatjallen · 55 replies
    The Hill ^ | 06/05/18 | Mark Reynolds
    Ask a typical person concerned about global warming if they think Congress will enact a bipartisan solution to climate change, and the response is likely to be a derisive laugh. For millions of Americans who watch cable news shows or read the papers, such cynicism is easy to come by. Democrats and Republicans can barely get together on keeping the government from shutting down. How in the world could they ever come together on an issue as politically divisive as climate change? But in the past decade, the findings and predictions of climate scientists have been validated by real-world evidence:...
  • Vanity: My godson Wes just got his OFFICIAL bisnez license from the City of Stockton.

    06/04/2018 8:36:43 PM PDT · by Swordmaker · 37 replies
    City of Stockton Business License Department | April 19, 2018 | City of Stockton Bureaucrat
    My godson moved his contracting business from back east to Central California and got his General Contracting License in California. In mid April he applied for a business license and paid the fees from the City of Stockton, CA. Today, the OFFICIAL business license suitable for framing and hanging on his office wall arrived in the mail. Here it is: Notice what his business license category is. . . He's licensed to do: Generak Coontracting Ya know, them thar generak coons can be downright mean! But, I’s heard theys mighty good eatin’ better’n than road kill. I wonder, if'n once...
  • Sen. Jeff Flake doesn't rule out 2020 primary challenge to President Trump (LOL)

    05/27/2018 7:58:54 AM PDT · by jazusamo · 63 replies
    The Washington Times ^ | May 27, 2018 | David Sherfinski
    Sen. Jeff Flake on Sunday did not rule out launching a Republican primary challenge to President Trump in 2020 and said he does hope a GOP alternative to Mr. Trump emerges for the next presidential election.
  • Dozens of foreign ISIS brides have been sentenced to death in Iraq....

    05/26/2018 8:50:59 PM PDT · by caww · 94 replies ^ | 5/23/2018 | unknown
    DOZENS of foreign ISIS brides are being sentenced to death in Iraq as the country exacts its revenge after three years of jihadi occupation. Pleading that they themselves are victims, the women were given 10 minutes to beg for their lives before judges decided their sentence. Many of them find little sympathy with the Iraqi judiciary and locals and are despised for their support of their militant husbands, who tore the country apart between 2014 and 2017. An estimated 1,900 French citizens and 40,000 foreigners who traveled 'to join' ISIS’s so-called caliphate in Iraq and Syria.
  • America's Got Talent 2018 - Live Thread

    05/24/2018 11:23:14 PM PDT · by Netizen · 86 replies
    NBC ^ | 5-25-2018 | Netizen
    After a record-breaking Season 12, summer phenomenon "America's Got Talent" is back on Tuesday, May 29 with Creator and Judge Simon Cowell returning alongside Mel B, Heidi Klum and Howie Mandel. Supermodel, entrepreneur and business CEO Tyra Banks joined the team last summer as host and melded effortlessly with the judges, bringing her unmistakable personal flair and verve to the show. excerpt
  • Robert DeNiro says he is banning Trump from his restaurants

    05/24/2018 11:28:16 AM PDT · by Simon Green · 125 replies
    The Hill ^ | 05/23/18 | Avery Anapol
    Robert De Niro, a frequent critic of President Trump who has been playing special counsel Robert Mueller on "Saturday Night Live," talked Tuesday about how he'd like to bar the president from eating at his Nobu restaurant chain. The Daily Mail reported that De Niro, a co-founder of the Nobu restaurant and hotel chain, insisted that he would not let Trump eat in his restaurants, and that he would leave any other eatery where the president entered. “If he walked into a restaurant I was in, I’d walk out,” De Niro said. Chef Nobu Matsuhisa, De Niro’s co-owner, then joked...
  • How Conservative Are You?

    05/21/2018 10:51:33 AM PDT · by BubbaBasher · 51 replies
    Vanity | 5/21/2018 | BubbaBasher
    I'm so conservative I: - Refuse to park on the left side of my driveway. - Am looking to buy a right-hand drive car.

    05/19/2018 8:01:55 AM PDT · by Rebelbase · 76 replies
    newsweak ^ | 5/17/18 | staff
    Found the story on Independent UK, but it's banned from FR. It's a more meaty story than newsweak. Former prisoners of Chinese “re-education” camps for Muslims have said they were forced to drink alcohol and eat pork as part of Beijing's efforts to stifle dissent and ensure compliance with the central government. As many as 1 million Chinese Muslims are believed to have been detained in the camps. They are primarily from the province of Xinjiang, which has stubbornly resisted Beijing’s efforts to instill Chinese culture. Former inmates of the camps have now told The Washington Post just how...
  • Board votes to fire local teacher over comment during state test

    05/16/2018 4:43:17 AM PDT · by simpson96 · 42 replies ^ | 5/14/2018 | Rissa Shaw
    MARLIN, Texas (KWTX) The Marlin ISD’s Board of Managers voted 3-0 Tuesday evening to terminate the contract of Marlin High School teacher Claude Kelley, who was placed on administrative leave for alleged comments he made during state testing. Superintendent Michael Seabolt said it was reported that right before an Algebra I course exam last week, Kelley said in front of teachers and students, that “there were only a couple smart enough to pass it, anyway.” “You can think bad things about my kids, but I better never hear it,” Seabolt said. “I took it pretty seriously.” Following the results of...
  • The Old, Blind Cowboy

    05/09/2018 8:19:31 AM PDT · by Oldpuppymax · 22 replies
    The Coach's Team ^ | 5/9/18 | Unk
    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent… In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer...
  • Huge icebergs could be towed from Antarctica to Cape Town to solve South African drought crisis

    04/30/2018 4:15:31 PM PDT · by Captain Peter Blood · 55 replies
    The Mirror Newspaper ^ | 04-30-2018 | Anna Verdon
    Huge icebergs could be towed from Antarctica to Cape Town in a bid to solve South Africa's worst drought in a century. Marine salvage experts are floating the plan to tug the icebergs to the region after its seen the worst water shortage in decades. Salvage master Nick Sloane told Reuters news agency he was looking for government and private investors for a scheme to guide huge chunks of ice across the ocean, chop them into a slurry and melt them down into millions of litres of drinking water. "We want to show that if there is no other source...
  • The Bee Explains: Theological Liberalism-SATIRE

    04/24/2018 6:31:02 AM PDT · by fungoking · 3 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 4/19/18 | staff
    During your daily poring over of The Babylon Bee‘s award-winning coverage of all theological camps, you may have found yourself wondering about the worldview known variably as “theological liberalism,” “liberal theology,” “liberal Christianity,” or “butter in sunshine.” Well, wonder no more! We have put together this short, accurate, plain-English crash course on the essentials of theological liberalism, just for you. What is theological liberalism? Theological liberalism is a movement that seeks to incorporate various aspects of modern thinking and trends into the Christian faith, while still staying true to the historical Doctrine of Things That Make Me Feel Good Are...
  • Nation Patiently Awaits GQ Article Calling Koran Overrated

    04/23/2018 9:04:15 PM PDT · by Ciaphas Cain · 15 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | April 23, 2018
    U.S.—After revered men’s fashion magazine GQ published an article claiming the Bible was overrated, the nation began patiently waiting for the publication to claim the same for the Koran or other religious texts, sources confirmed Monday.Upon learning of the mag’s recent criticism of the Bible, the nation collectively refreshed GQ’s website and scanned for information on its upcoming issue to determine when the follow-up article criticizing the Koran the team is definitely working on would be published. “Any second now, they’ll come through,” Andy Paulson, 32, said in an interview. “Any magazine bold enough to call out Christians’ sacred texts...
  • Woke Comedy: Why Laughter Is Missing at the Multiplex

    04/18/2018 1:52:30 PM PDT · by HollywoodInToto · 75 replies
    Hollywood In Toto ^ | 4/18/2018 | Christian Toto
    The PC comedy rules are suffocating laughs on stages large and small.