WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Democrats across the country embroiled in vicious infighting, antisemitism, and takeovers of college campuses, Republicans have decided to remedy their impending victory by attacking the First Amendment. "We realized that things were going well for us, so we took corrective action immediately," said Mike Johnson, while at the bank cashing his latest check from a Ukrainian lobbyist. "We thought: 'What can we do that will immediately enrage our most loyal voters while simultaneously preventing the self-destruction of the Democrat Party?' Of course, the most obvious choice was to pass a law against free speech. Mission accomplished!"...