New Greta On The Shelf Doll Will Track Your Climate Sins

Babylon Bee ^ | December 2nd, 2019 | Mark Scheffler

[BeauBo]

A fun new "Greta on the Shelf" doll will watch you every day and fly back to the UN each night to report your climate sins to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

The doll is equipped with eye sensors programmed to detect activities that are harmful to the environment.

"Greta sees you when you're sleeping, she knows when you drive your SUV to the store instead of taking public transportation," the manufacturer said. "She knows if you've been bad or carbon-neutral, so be carbon-neutral for goodness' sake!"

One couple in Portland proudly displayed their new doll and lectured their children on the true meaning of Christmas: fighting climate change...

[BeauBo]

[clearcarbon]

I want the Big Bad Wolf doll with the Greta On The Shelf Doll in his mouth.

[seawolf101]

That is a scary doll. It’s sure to give kids nightmares.

[Red Badger]

No matter where you sit in the room, the eyes are looking at you...........................

[Grimmy]

Greta doll roasting on an open fire...

[Bommer]

I WANT ONE! Just to put on a rotisserie! Hears your warming beeotch!

[Dr. Sivana]

Greta doll roasting on an open fire...

Won't work ... she comes from the "Talky Tina" line of dolls.

[Kozak]

“Scoldilocks”

[Vaquero]

Who loves ya baby

[whinecountry]

LOL!

[max americana]

That’s scarier than “It”. Even Pennywise will run away..

[oldasrocks]

Gotta get one for my dogs as a chew toy.

[Telepathic Intruder]

She would fly a reindeer to the U.N. but she’s concerned about reindeer farts adding to the climate Armageddon.

[max americana]

“Greta is programmed to detect activities including these:

Using the heater instead of rubbing two sticks together for warmth

****

RFOL

[mass55th]

“You have used too much toilet paper to wipe yourself, and have caused the destruction of another tree. Next time you must use your hands only. Violation of that rule, will result in the mandatory punishment of having to lick yourself clean after every toilet visit for a 48 hour period. No diversion to the rule will be accepted.”

[Track9]

LOL 👍

[mass55th]

Greta doll got run over by a reindeer...

[FreedomPoster]

Sure to sellout for Christmas!

[Billthedrill]

One couple in Portland proudly displayed their new doll and lectured their children on the true meaning of Christmas: fighting climate change...

Are we completely sure this is satire?

[clearcarbon]

"Greta doll roasting on an open fire..."

When Santa goes up the chimney he'll leave behind a bag of toys and maybe a Greta On The Shelf Doll. Shortly thereafter he may be followed by a Greta doll going up the chimney leaving behind a carbon footprint.