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DUmmie FUnnies 07-09-11 (KOmmie laurustina parallel constructs her free-floating angst)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | July 9, 2011 | KOmmie laurustina, KOmmies, and Charles Henrickson

Posted on 07/09/2011 1:38:38 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson

One of the favorite writing styles of the DUmmies and the KOmmies is the use of parallel construction. By this I mean that they style their sentences to begin the same way and then they vary the second part.

The DUmmies and the KOmmies think this is good writing.

The DUmmies and the KOmmies think this is effective writing.

The DUmmies and the KOmmies think this is writing with style and great earnestness.

The DUmmies and the KOmmies do this parallel-construction bit over and over and over again, ad nauseam, ad infinitum.

The DUmmies and the KOmmies do parallel construction especially when they are whining or complaining ("I used to believe...") or wanting to get something off their chest ("I never expected...") or taking a brave strong stand ("From this day forward I will no longer accept...").

In other words, the DUmmies and the KOmmies do this all the time.

But today we may just have the Mother of All Parallel-Constructionism. KOmmie Drama Queen laurustina parallel constructs her free-floating angst into overdrive, here in this THREAD, the elegantly titled, "I want my f*#%ing life back."

So let us now join lyrical laurustina and the KOmmies, in Redundant Repetitive Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if the DUmmies and the KOmmies live in a parallel universe, is in the [brackets]:

I want my f*#%ing life back

[Great title, KOmmie laurustina. It sings.]

I want to not be invisible anymore.

[Don't worry, KOmmie laurustina, you're getting GREAT EXPOSURE here on the DUmmie FUnnies!]

I want to get up and shower and have somewhere to go.

[I think everyone else would like you to shower, too.]

I want to punch the people who talk about the recession being over.

[Haven't you heard? This is Recovery Summer 2.0!]

I want to not have to choose between toilet paper or dog food.

[I think if you use the dog food, instead of the toilet paper, you may need to take another shower.]

I want to take back all the money I spent on student loans for an education that does me no good now.

[A mind is a terrible thing to waste.]

I want to stop mending the waistband of five-year-old sweatpants.

[A waist is a terrible thing to mend.]

I want to not consider two tacos for a dollar at Jack In The Box a splurge.

[Thinking outside the Box.]

I want to walk into a job interview not reeking of desperation.

[Really, take that shower. Please.]

I want to shop at the Dollar Store because I'm thrifty, not because it is the only way I can afford luxuries like body wash, toothpaste and laundry soap.

[Don't shower so much.]

I want to pay for a haircut, instead of using the kitchen scissors to “even up the ends again”.

[Just shave the whole thing off and you'll save on shampoo.]

I want to have a sh*t job to b*tch about.

[Maybe if you used a different writing style for your job applications. . . .]

I want to wear contact lenses again, instead of these wobbly old glasses.

[I would think a KOmmie would LIKE the Wobblies.]

I want to not have to choose between buying tampons or a pound of ground beef.

[I don't think the ground beef would work so well.]

I want to buy a book that ISN'T on the 25-cent rack at the Thrift Store.

[I think Pitt's books are on the 10-cent rack.]

I want to stop avoiding my friends because they're pitying or worse.

[Maybe THEY'RE avoiding YOU.]

I want to use good trash bags.

[I'm sorry, your friends will still be able to tell who you are.]

I want to consider owning a spicebox and a mortar and pestle NOT a pipe dream.

[New recipes for the bong pipe!]

I want a new bra.

[Is that you, benburch?]

I want to feel like a real person again.

I want to BE a real person again.

[I want you to stop with the parallel construction.]

I am sick to death of feeling powerless.

[OK, so you stopped with the "I wants." I now predict we move to the "I am sick to death ofs."]

I am sick to death of explaining to other people that “getting a job at McDonalds” is not as simple as they think.

[I think aiming for Mayor McCheese right off the bat may be setting your sights too high. Work your way up.]

I am sick to death of feeling powerless.

[Didn't we already do this one? Look, the idea of parallel construction is that you VARY the second part of the sentence, not just automatically repeat the whole thing.]

I am sick to death of people telling me that “it could be worse”, because I know that it could and I am convinced that it will and I am only biding my time in this limbo which is a certain kind of hell all its own.

[Well, it COULD be worse. You might have to READ a whinefest like this.]

I am sick. And sad. And exhausted. And undone.

[Period. Punkt. End of story. Thank you, KOmmie laurustina. Now to your fellow KOmmies' KOmments . . .]

I could have written this diary.

[I AM LAURUSTINA!]

Frankly, after dozens of fruitless interviews, my ass is my only hope.

[Barney Frank checks in. . . .]

A very poignant rant.

[A very petulant rant.]

I don't much like our fellow countrymen. Even when they are Dem's I often find their thiking to be nutty.

[ESPECIALLY when they are Dems, I find their thinking to be NUtty!]

This rant should be a manifesto.

[Manifesto Destiny!]

I want a solid night's sleep. . . .

I want to not have this extra 40 lbs. I gained from all the stress-eating. . . .

[Look what you've done, laurustina! Now you've got SOMEONE ELSE doing the parallel-construction thing!]

I want to walk into the grocery store . . .

[. . . and make up a bouncy.]

And, I could use a new bra, too.

[Which leads us to this final KOmment from KOmmie laurustina . . .]

I am overwhelmed by the support and suggestions and the stories you have all shared. I wish new bras and shoes and hope and joy for each one. . . .

[I wish you toilet paper and dog food.
I wish you tampons and ground beef.
I wish you good trash bags and lots of showers. . . .]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dailykos; dufu; dummie; dummiefunnies; dummies; kommie; kommies; kos; laurustina
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And there were DOZENS and DOZENS more KOmments on this thread. But you get the idea.
1 posted on 07/09/2011 1:38:42 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson
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To: Charles Henrickson

IBTP. To read.....


2 posted on 07/09/2011 1:39:35 PM PDT by GQuagmire ('Don't Piss The Lady Off')
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To: Charles Henrickson

ibtz!


3 posted on 07/09/2011 1:40:36 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (Herman Cain 2012)
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To: Charles Henrickson

IBTP!!


4 posted on 07/09/2011 1:40:56 PM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (zero hates Texas and we hate him back. He ain't my president either.)
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To: PJ-Comix; Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; ...
It's a DUbble-DUFU Saturday!

I want . . . a PING!

5 posted on 07/09/2011 1:42:45 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (I want KOmmie laurustina to shut up.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Someone call her a WAAAAAAAAHHHHHbulance!


6 posted on 07/09/2011 1:44:10 PM PDT by GQuagmire ('Don't Piss The Lady Off')
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To: PJ-Comix

KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!


7 posted on 07/09/2011 1:44:28 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to take back all the money I spent on student loans for an education that does me no good now.

[A mind is a terrible thing to waste.]

I want to stop mending the waistband of five-year-old sweatpants.

[A waist is a terrible thing to mend.]

LOL. Good one there Charles.

8 posted on 07/09/2011 1:46:32 PM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (zero hates Texas and we hate him back. He ain't my president either.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
But you get the idea.

Huh? Where? What? There was a real idea in all that stuff? Boy, I sure missed it. I'll have to go back and read it again. Well, maybe not...

9 posted on 07/09/2011 1:47:05 PM PDT by bcsco
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To: PJ-Comix; All
I want a new bra.

KOmmie laurustina wants to get something off her chest.

10 posted on 07/09/2011 1:50:10 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: PJ-Comix; All
I am overwhelmed by the support. . . .

I guess she found that new bra.

11 posted on 07/09/2011 1:57:57 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

“I want a new drug”


12 posted on 07/09/2011 1:58:37 PM PDT by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to not have this extra 40 lbs. I gained from all the stress-eating. . . .

I guess she always chose the hamburger and dog food.

13 posted on 07/09/2011 2:02:57 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice! Tea Party extremism is a badge of honor.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to stop avoiding my friends because they're Pitt or worse

We know that's what you MEANT to say....

14 posted on 07/09/2011 2:03:06 PM PDT by mikrofon (Pitt-y Party)
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To: Charles Henrickson
May a change in attitude. A little thinking, What does the employer want?”, rather than what she wants. A little less self-pity would be good, too.

Oh, and maybe if she actually had some job experience to put on the resume.

And one last piece of advice. If she doesn't eat the dog food; she won't need so much toilet paper, and the earth will be greener.

15 posted on 07/09/2011 2:06:24 PM PDT by chesley (Eat what you want, and die like a man.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Bunch of whiney asses. I grew up poor and I feel fine even when I’m broke. In a sense, I’m happiest when I’m broke because I’m encouraged to get out in the woods and get my hunter/gatherer on.


16 posted on 07/09/2011 2:10:40 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Remember the River Raisin! (look it up))
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to stop mending the waistband of five-year-old sweatpants.

[A waist is a terrible thing to mend.]

Best DUFU line is a LONG time!

I want to not have to choose between buying tampons or a pound of ground beef.

[I don't think the ground beef would work so well.]

EWWWW!!!!!!!

I want to stop avoiding my friends because they're pitying or worse.

[Maybe THEY'RE avoiding YOU.]

It is probably your choice in tampon materials...

17 posted on 07/09/2011 2:12:38 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (Herman Cain 2012)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Maybe we don’t want to know how one gains 40 lbs when having to choose between ground beef and toilet paper, or is it dog food and tampons?


18 posted on 07/09/2011 2:15:51 PM PDT by EDINVA
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to take back all the money I spent on student loans for an education that does me no good now.
Mommy warned you about the pitfalls of Majoring in Ancient Assyrian Literature, with a Minor in Anthropology Of The Akkadian Empire, but did you listen?

Nooooooo! You *knew better*.

Plus, I'm betting all that Hashish you were smoking didn't exactly help your decision process.

[

19 posted on 07/09/2011 2:18:26 PM PDT by Condor51 (The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits [A.Einstein])
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To: Charles Henrickson
All through the day, I me mine, I me mine, I me mine
All through the night, I me mine, I me mine, I me mine
~The Beatles
20 posted on 07/09/2011 2:31:03 PM PDT by WXRGina
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to punch the people who talk about the recession being over.
Start with yourself for voting for Obama.


Then take that shower.
...............

21 posted on 07/09/2011 2:38:44 PM PDT by Condor51 (The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits [A.Einstein])
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To: Charles Henrickson

She certainly “wants” a lot.

I thought Marxists were supposed to be worried about “needs” not “wants.”


22 posted on 07/09/2011 2:49:24 PM PDT by seowulf ("If you write a whole line of zeroes, it's still---nothing"...Kira Alexandrovna Argounova)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I don't much like our fellow countrymen.

Hating everyone gets you to the front of the unemployment line.

23 posted on 07/09/2011 2:50:25 PM PDT by Libloather (The epitome of civility.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Didn’t PJ do this thread a few days back?


24 posted on 07/09/2011 3:01:15 PM PDT by Cyber Liberty (Oh, well, any excuse to buy a new gun is good enough for me.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to not consider two tacos for a dollar at Jack In The Box a splurge.

I guess Taco Tuesdays at Taco Casa are an unobtainable dream...

25 posted on 07/09/2011 3:05:10 PM PDT by mylife (OPINIONS ~ $ 1.00 HALFBAKED ~ 50c)
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To: Cyber Liberty; PJ-Comix
Didn’t PJ do this thread a few days back?

No, it just was posted yesterday afternoon.

26 posted on 07/09/2011 3:06:27 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: mylife; PJ-Comix
I want to not consider two tacos for a dollar at Jack In The Box a splurge.

Hey, KOmmie laurustina, talk to PJ about COUPONS! He can get you a BOGO on tacos! Maybe tampons and dog food, too!

27 posted on 07/09/2011 3:08:47 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

`I want` should be the DNC motto. I recall one of Gore`s kids saying `If you vote for my dad you`ll get more stuff,` and of course the Obama Money chick. Reading that was draining. DUmmies are like kids—they don`t want a mere `job` they want a CAREER, and if they can`t get one, well, they`ll sit out this whole `job` thing, and pout until the universe hands them their dream life. What infants they are.


28 posted on 07/09/2011 3:40:07 PM PDT by Darkwolf377 (``Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it``-Pope John Paul II)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Dear Lauranista,
It sucks to be you...


29 posted on 07/09/2011 3:48:22 PM PDT by mylife (OPINIONS ~ $ 1.00 HALFBAKED ~ 50c)
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To: Charles Henrickson

I remember now. Someone else did post it, but not as part of DUFU. I just remembered how I laughed and stuff.


30 posted on 07/09/2011 4:06:34 PM PDT by Cyber Liberty (Oh, well, any excuse to buy a new gun is good enough for me.)
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To: Cyber Liberty; tcrlaf
Someone else did post it, but not as part of DUFU.

Now I remember. I saw that post on FR yesterday, went to the KOs link, and said, "I've got to DUFU this!"

Daily Kos'r Goes NUTZ, Still Can't Admit It's the Democrats/Obama's Fault!(Vanity)

31 posted on 07/09/2011 4:20:45 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: cripplecreek

I grew up poor too, but I didn’t know it.


32 posted on 07/09/2011 4:23:52 PM PDT by Ditter
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To: Charles Henrickson

I thought my mind had left me again. Thanks for the cross-link!


33 posted on 07/09/2011 4:26:49 PM PDT by Cyber Liberty (Oh, well, any excuse to buy a new gun is good enough for me.)
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To: Ditter

We was so poor. We had to cut holes in our pockets so we would have something to play with.


34 posted on 07/09/2011 4:33:40 PM PDT by mylife (OPINIONS ~ $ 1.00 HALFBAKED ~ 50c)
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To: Charles Henrickson

I want to take back all the money I spent on student loans for an education that does me no good now.

Looks like that degree in “Women’s Studies” wasn’t such a great idea after all!


35 posted on 07/09/2011 4:47:03 PM PDT by USAFJeeper (Who Dat Nation - Loving the Manning Face!)
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To: USAFJeeper

That’s “Womyn’s Studies.”


36 posted on 07/09/2011 4:59:13 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (KOmmie laurustina parallel-parked it!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

“Choose between buying tampons and hamburger.”

TMI!! TMI!! TMI!!


37 posted on 07/09/2011 5:01:31 PM PDT by berdie
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To: Charles Henrickson

What a PATHETIC whiner! I see jobs going unclaimed around here and there she is being Poor Pitiful Pearl!


38 posted on 07/09/2011 5:32:48 PM PDT by LUV W (RUN SARAH...R U N!!!)
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To: mylife

We were so poor we had to live in a box...in the middle of the road. :)


39 posted on 07/09/2011 5:37:58 PM PDT by LUV W (RUN SARAH...R U N!!!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

I want a new bra.

[Is that you, benburch?]

The best DUFUs are the ones with at least 1 benburch reference. And I don’t even know what benburch posted to earn such infamy on FR!


40 posted on 07/09/2011 5:39:24 PM PDT by SoCal SoCon (Yesterday Argentina, Today Greece, Tomorrow America)
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To: mylife

Now that there is funny I don’t care who ya are!
:D snort))))))


41 posted on 07/09/2011 5:50:39 PM PDT by Ditter
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To: mylife
EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed,, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and PAY mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

It had to be said.

42 posted on 07/09/2011 5:55:32 PM PDT by jonascord (The Drug War Rapes the Constitution.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
So, rendered down to the pomace, the sludge left over after you squeeze out the wine:

She's fat, ugly, unemployable and broke, and it's all Bush's Fault. Got it.

Heaven Help Me, that is funny...

43 posted on 07/09/2011 6:01:20 PM PDT by jonascord (The Drug War Rapes the Constitution.)
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To: SoCal SoCon
"I want a new bra."

And her rack is down blocking access to her belly button.

44 posted on 07/09/2011 6:03:43 PM PDT by jonascord (The Drug War Rapes the Constitution.)
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To: jonascord
I used to have to get up half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulfuric acid, lick the road clean with me tongue, walk 10 miles to the coal mine, up hill Both ways... ☺
45 posted on 07/09/2011 6:06:09 PM PDT by mylife (OPINIONS ~ $ 1.00 HALFBAKED ~ 50c)
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To: LUV W
We were so poor we had to live in a box...in the middle of the road. :)

Ooh!! You were Lucky!!!

46 posted on 07/09/2011 6:10:07 PM PDT by mylife (OPINIONS ~ $ 1.00 HALFBAKED ~ 50c)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Yeah, I’ve noticed the parallel construction thing too. If you’re a DUmmie and you want to lay something real heavy on the assembled Dummies, parallel construction is the only way to go. It quiets the place down so everyone can hear your heavy truth, man.

That said, when I read her post when it was posted on FR the other day, I felt pity for her. The poor woman is clearly suffering.


47 posted on 07/09/2011 6:32:24 PM PDT by Yardstick
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To: Charles Henrickson

I am sick to death of never being IBTP.


48 posted on 07/09/2011 7:06:10 PM PDT by BJClinton (Tweet your meat, lose your seat.)
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To: mylife

*grin*


49 posted on 07/09/2011 7:22:48 PM PDT by LUV W (RUN SARAH...R U N!!!)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I want to not have to choose between toilet paper or dog food.

Remember when the lefties claimed that Ronald Reagan's policies forced old people to eat cat/dog food? We need to get the word out that under Obama, granny can't even afford to eat pet food!

50 posted on 07/09/2011 7:24:03 PM PDT by Grizzled Bear ("Does not play well with others.")
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