Posted on 01/18/2013 4:49:51 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Obama heard about “tipping donkeys”, and wanted to try it for himself.
The farmer said he never saw a Kenyan with pants around his ankles run so fast in his life.
;^)
Why do we fence in graveyards?
it’s silly, beyond a doubt,
The people outside don’t want to get in,
and the people inside can’t get out.
I sit on the floor and pick my nose
and think of dirty things
Of deviant Dwarves who suck their toes
and elves who drub their dings
I sit on the floor and pick my nose
and dream exotic dreams
Of Dragons who dress in rubber clothes
and trolls who do it in teams
I sit on the floor and pick my nose
and wish for a thrill or two
For a Goblin who goes in for a few no no’s
Or an Orc with a thing about glue
And all the while I sit and pick
I think of such jolly things
Of whips and screws and leather slacks
Of frottages and stings.
Draw their fire!
Flank on right!
Narcs retire!
Fight, team, fight!
Using every dirty trick
From booby trap to punji stick.
We hardly need the strength of thirty
When we can win by playing diry.
Two, four, six, eight
Tiptoe, sneak, and infiltrate!
Cha, cha, cha!
U betcha..
Ole, Sven, and Lars decide they are going to Mexico for a vacation. They get falling down drunk and wake up in jail and find out they all have been sentenced to die in the electric chair.
Sven is the first to be strapped in the electric chair and the guards ask if he has any last words. Sven says, “I yust graduated from St. Olaf College in Nortfield, Minnesota, with a degree in divinity studies, and I am a good Christian man.... but if it is God’s will for me to die, so be it.”
The guards throw the switch and nothing happens. The guards get on their knees and say, “You are surely a Godly man and we are going to let you go.”
Lars is next to be strapped into the electric chair and the guards ask if he has any last words. Lars says, “I yust graduated from Concordia college in Moorhead, Minnisota, with a degree in divinity studies, and I am a God fearing man. If it is my time to die, it is God’s will.”
The guards throw the switch and nothing happens. The guards say, “You also are a Godly man and we are going to let you go.”
Ole is the last to be strapped into the electric chair. The guards ask him if he has any last words. Ole says, “Vel, I yust graduated from Pollock Tech in electrical engineering... and I’ll tell ya right now, if you don’t plug dat ting in, it ain’t gonna work.”
*sniff* I just love good poetry.
But, in case they do...
I never understood why anyone would tip their waitress..
I’d much rather give her the whole thing.
"x" is AM
"X" is PM
silly boy
You see, the Twids used to take their produce to the other side of the mountain to sell at market. It would have only taken a couple of hours if they could go over the mountain, but he giant would not suffer them to pass. So they had to go the long way, requiring three days to get to market, sell their produce, and get back. Occasionally a delegation of Twids would go to the top of the mountain to beg the giant to grant them passage, but he would just roar and kick them all back down the mountain.
One day a visiting Rabbi heard their tale of woe and said, "I have had success in the past negotiating with otherwise intractable characters. Perhaps I could accompany you and help this Giant to see a better path." The Twids agreed it was worth the try, so the next morning they dutifully headed up the mountain. When they reached the top, the Rabbi stepped forward and called out to the giant, saying, "Mr. Giant, I am a visiting Rabbi, and I have come to speak to you on behalf of these fine Twids." No sooner were these words out of his mouth when the giant roared out and kicked all the Twids down the mountain. But he did not touch the Rabbi.
When he was finished, the Rabbi asked him, "Mr. Giant, why did you kick the Twids down the mountain but leave me untouched?"
The Giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Twids!"
Q: How can a small space make a man die laughing?
A: A small space turns mans laughter into manslaughter.
"I DO NOT HAVE PMS!!!"
Five eleven’s your height, one-ninety your weight,
You cash in your chips at post 148...
Q: What’s the difference between a Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?
A: Mick Jagger says “Hey, you, get offa my cloud”. A Scotsman says “Hey, McLeod, get offa my ewe!”
Well, obviously they’d move to Oakland if he was playing for the Raiders!
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