LOLcats bible translashuns
38 I noes dat nawt dirtnappin or dancin, nawt Invisible Anglez, nawt stuff nows or stuffs in mornin, nawt lektrisity,39 nawt up, nawt dwn, nawt uddr aminalz, kan taiks us away frm teh luv we has, teh warm milk uf Ceiling Cat an Baby Jebus, teh Christ, owr Lord.
Wayne Co. Judge Hands Down an Unprecedented Decision
Detroit, MI (AP) 12/13/05
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Wayne County courtroom
drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have
custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents
and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with
child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be
maintained to the possible degree.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy
cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of
the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently
a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of
allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit
Lions Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of
Sorry guys.. this little girl won't be screaming for you to come kill teh evil spiders
And this one won't be running from snakes.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________
BRANCH OF MILITARY SERVED IN____________________________________________
CURRENT RANK_______________ HIGHEST RANK____________________________
PLEASE LIST ALL MEDAL AND COMMENDATIONS EARNED ___________________________
REASON FOR SEPERATION_________________________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C: A woman's place is in the:
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
important link to remember... here
detroit's only getting better because so many people are leaving the city.
Stop repeat offenders - DON'T RE-ELECT THEM!
My God, why have you forsaken us.. no wait, its the liberals that have forsaken you... my bad
"It was my first kill. I had a cigar afterwards. I didn't lose any sleep about it. He was a Taliban commander after all." - Dallas Turner, Royal Marine Sniper
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I may want to offend you again later.
Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.
I wanna yell at these kids to log off my e-lawn
Michigan is my antidote to Manhattan, -Mario Batali
politicians fight so hard for re-election because theyre afraid to live in the world they created.
white male christian hetero married gun toting SUV driving motorcycle riding conservative smoker
Only two products have come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. Coincidence? I think not
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.
Detroit: we're so bad, even our mayor is a criminal