Free Republic

Children may be hazardous to your health BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Jan. 15, 1989.) ------ It's time for Alarming Medical News Items, the popular feature that can strike at any time without warning symptoms. For your protection, this column undergoes a rigorous fact-checking procedure under which, before we will print an item, it must first be delivered to us by the U.S. Postal Service. Don't bother to thank us: We aren't listening. Speaking of which, our first alarming item concerns the recently discovered: Ear Problem From Hell We learned about this thanks...

GOP, Bush, blah, blah . . . now to the Panty Flash! BY DAVE BARRY Sept. 3, 2004 NEW YORK -- The Republican convention lunged to a triumphant climax Thursday night as President George W. Bush, acting on the advice of advisors, accepted his party's nomination for a second term in which he pledged to, quote, ``pay more attention to stuff.'' Then, as the delegates cheered, 150,000 red, white and blue balloons dropped from the rafters of Madison Square Garden to the convention floor, where they were arrested by New York police officers for falling without a permit. Today, the...

An apology -- and thank you, before leaving DAVE BARRY ATHENS -- I'm leaving the Olympics and heading home, assuming the plane can lift me. This is a concern because I've gained many kilometers of mass from eating Greek food, especially ``baklava,'' which is the Greek word for ``carbohydrates.'' But before I leave I have something to say to Greece: Dear Greece, I owe you an apology. Every negative thought I had about you before I got here -- every worry, every concern -- turned out to be wrong. When I got to Greece, I thought you wouldn't be ready...