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How Many Light Bulbs? (Work with me here.)
unknown, put probably a fundy

Posted on 01/08/2003 1:46:07 PM PST by Jael

Go to the body of the comment. I don't have time to code this. :-)


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KEYWORDS: jaeljollies; orthodox
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To: PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain
Q: How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 30. One to change the bulb & 29 to discuss it and give contradictory advice to the person changing the bulb.


Q: How many congregants does it take to change a light bulb in a synagogue?

A: CHANGE? You vant we should CHANGE the light bulb? My grandmother donated that light bulb!!!


Q: How many Messianic "jews" does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They will borrow their neighbor's old bulb, rename it "yeshuvalit" and try to convince everyone else that it's really a new bulb.


Q: How many Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but it must have The Rebbe's supervision.

41 posted on 01/08/2003 8:07:30 PM PST by malakhi
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To: PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain
Q. How many people does it take to change a light bulb for one Jewish mother?

A. None. "Don't worry about your mother. You go have a good time. I'll just sit here in the dark, again. Alone."

42 posted on 01/08/2003 8:11:09 PM PST by malakhi
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To: Frumanchu
There was a similar thread last year sometime with many of these jokes. I wish I could find that thread...there were some good ones.

Might have been one of these:

How Many Church People Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

How many choir members does it take to change a light bulb?

43 posted on 01/08/2003 8:13:45 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Frumanchu
And don't forget this classic:

How Many FReepers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (A little rant )

44 posted on 01/08/2003 8:15:44 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Frumanchu; Jael; RnMomof7
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

Contrary to what Jael said, it takes just one. And the Calvinist does it to the glory of God.

I realize that this isn't especially funny, but neither is the idolatrous mess Jael is in.

45 posted on 01/08/2003 10:05:04 PM PST by the_doc
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To: the_doc
but neither is the idolatrous mess Jael is in.

Chill out little buddy, I didn't write that, someone else did. But it was funny.

What mess am I in?

46 posted on 01/08/2003 10:13:21 PM PST by Jael
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To: Jael; RnMomof7; OrthodoxPresbyterian
What mess am I in?

Arminianism is the Lie of Eden masquerading as the gospel.

Beware of this. Also, beware of shaping your faith as a potentially hollow anti-Romanism.

That being said, I maintain that you ought to go back and face the music of all the arguments which OP offered. He was correct. You had no Scripturally objective answers to any of them. You just griped and called him a heretic.

(Now, why do you suppose that is? Are you a Romanist at heart after all? [grin])

47 posted on 01/08/2003 10:21:23 PM PST by the_doc
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To: the_doc
Watch my lips. I am not Arminian. And your OP friend stoped answering when I refuted all of his posting which was bastardizing Scripture.

Now, go play somewhere else and get a life. Or I will be forced to post to you over and over again "Whosoever Believeth" until you start believing God.

And GET OVER THE INFANT BAPTIZING!!!!!! It's no good!

I have one, eternal in Jesus. Amen!
48 posted on 01/08/2003 10:33:00 PM PST by Jael
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To: Jael; OrthodoxPresbyterian; RnMomof7
Watch my lips. I am not Arminian.

You don't know enough to understand what an Arminian is, I'm afraid.

And GET OVER THE INFANT BAPTIZING!!!!!! It's no good!

Now, you please watch my lips. I am a Baptist, not a Presbyterian. (You don't pay attention very well, do you?)

And your OP friend stoped answering when I refuted all of his posting which was bastardizing Scripture.

I read your exchange with OP. You refuted nothing he said. As I recall, you just threw a few irrelevant "proof-text" ideas and some confused allegations at him. You did this to avoid directly addressing what he was really saying.

You need to relax and notice what OP was saying. You need to notice that his theology of conversion of the sovereignty of God is correct--and that you ought to be quiet and learn.

Now, go play somewhere else and get a life. Or I will be forced to post to you over and over again "Whosoever Believeth" until you start believing God.

OP and I both believe the "Whosoever will" passages. John 3:16 happens to be one of my favorite verses for reasons which you would not be inclined to understand. Your problem at this point is that you don't know how precious the free offer of the gospel is to a Calvinist. This is because you don't understand the theology contained in God's Word very well. You just think you do.

That's why you are stuck right where you are.

49 posted on 01/08/2003 10:59:52 PM PST by the_doc
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To: the_doc
Arminius and I have nothing in common. Despite all of the Calvinist men followers effors, no one is able to make me something I am not, which is Arminian. But, since you seem to like knocking yourself out, keep saying I am Arminian over and over again. It won't change the fact that I am not, but it will probably comfort you greatly.

Now, when you or your little friend op figure out what things like "spiritual things" are, and other passages of Scripture which speak to the saved man (not the unsaved) come back and saddle up again.

Until then, hasta la vista little buddy.
50 posted on 01/08/2003 11:24:15 PM PST by Jael
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To: Jael; OrthodoxPresbyterian; RnMomof7
An Arminian is not someone who follows Arminius anymore than I am someone who follows Calvin. And your claim that you have nothing in common with Arminius is a lie.

You have a theology in common with Arminius (unless you are not a Christian at all, I guess).

You did not learn your theology from Arminius anymore than I learned mine from Calvin. But you are still evidently an Arminian.

You are ignorant, and I am trying to help you. Why do you suppose that it is?

51 posted on 01/09/2003 6:26:24 AM PST by the_doc
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To: Jael
Very old joke but still very funny. Thanks for the laugh. :o)
52 posted on 01/09/2003 6:29:39 AM PST by al_c (a.k.a. Lurch)
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To: the_doc; Jael
With all due respect, take it somewhere else guys. This was meant to be a humorous thread I believe:)
53 posted on 01/09/2003 7:34:52 AM PST by Frumanchu
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To: ponyespresso
In the beginning, there was nothing, and darkness was on the face of the deep.

And God said "Let there be light!"

And there was STILL nothing.

But at least now you could see it.
54 posted on 01/09/2003 7:54:08 AM PST by Alex Murphy
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To: cebadams
How many est seminarians does it take to change a light bulb?

43.

One to change the bulb, two to guard the doors, and forty to get screamed at for not being smart enough to change the bulb for themselves.
55 posted on 01/09/2003 7:57:49 AM PST by Alex Murphy
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To: cebadams; OrthodoxPresbyterian; Jerry_M; the_doc; CCWoody; Matchett-PI; JesseShurun; gdebrae; ...
1. Suggest that Jesus probably put his pants on one leg at a time.

Jesus didnt wear pants

Your pathetic attempt at humor does nothing except to show you have no respect for God. You are a fine example of unregenerate man.

"The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." It would be scripturally false to leave out the second phrase, "and to enjoy Him forever." The men who formulated this showed great wisdom and insight is saying, "and to enjoy Him forever." Nevertheless, the first phrase is the first phrase: "The chief end of man is to glorify God." And in Christianity we have a non-determined God who did not need to create because there was love and communication within the Trinity, and yet having been created, we as men can glorify God. If we fail to emphasize that we can glorify God, we raise the question of whether men are significant at all. We begin to lose our humanity as soon as we begin to lose the emphasis that what we do makes a difference. We can glorify God, and both the Old and New Testament say that we can even make God sad. That is tremendous."

Francis A. Schaeffer

56 posted on 01/09/2003 8:32:10 AM PST by RnMomof7 (Jhn 8:36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.)
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To: drstevej
I hope that's not a gibe at my religion.
57 posted on 01/09/2003 8:37:14 AM PST by Luna
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To: Jael
Yet another gibe at my religion.
58 posted on 01/09/2003 8:39:16 AM PST by Luna
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To: Frumanchu; Jael; RnMomof7; OrthodoxPresbyterian
With all due respect, take it somewhere else guys. This was meant to be a humorous thread I believe:)

Maybe I'm just a sourpuss, but I honestly think the thread has conspicuously failed to be humorous.

(Actually, I fear that my sense of humor is too sublime for this thread [Psalm 2:4].)

Anyway, when OP comes back, the real controversy will automatically move back to the threads were he temporarily left off posting. I was actually just serving notice that Jael was not finished--in fact, that she has not even started to address OP's position.

59 posted on 01/09/2003 8:43:05 AM PST by the_doc
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To: Luna; drstevej
Steve, you know better than making a joke about the Mormons.

Shame on you.
60 posted on 01/09/2003 8:44:00 AM PST by Wrigley (Humor threads can be dangerous.)
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