Genesis 50:19-20: "...And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."
Posted on 03/14/2021 9:14:07 AM PDT by .30Carbine
In the fall of my 29th year I was married to my second husband. He was a mechanic at a local car dealership, which was handy because I worked as a part-time rural mail carrier and my 2 vehicles often needed repairs. I also worked nights at two different jobs; one was at the neighborhood country store, and one was as a bartender at a mid-range restaurant, known for its beer selection, in the same town where my husband worked.
The restaurant policy was to give the workers a free shift drink at the end of the night. One night my husband came back into town to have a drink with me there, and then we went out to a couple of other bars. By the end of the evening we were pretty toasted, and we landed in the seediest dive around, a pool joint, at closing time.
My husband had a tendency to change personality when he drank. The drunker he got, the meaner he became. We had been married about 4 years; I had noticed his rages accelerating, but he had never hit me.
At last call I turned from the pool table where a couple of other guys were talking to me, to look for my husband bent over his beer on a bar stool. He wasn't there. His jacket was gone, too. I asked the bartender if he knew where my husband had gone.
"He went to get the car, I guess," he said. Well, I knew that could not be the case, as both of us had cars parked very nearby, being that this bar was across the street from where my job was. I started to feel a little nervous then. I got my things and headed out to the parking lot. It was somewhere between 2 and 3am.
My husband's vehicle was nowhere in sight, but as I unlocked my car, got in, and started it up, I heard the squeal of tires coming around the corner onto Main Street. It was him, and I knew I was in for an argument, probably about the two guys I had been talking to at the pool table. I headed out onto Main Street and turned left toward home. My husband pulled right up onto my bumper. We never should have been behind the wheel at all, and it was (in hindsight) a miracle that we both survived the trip home.
The fight started in the driveway. Our neighbor's house about a hundred yards away was dark and quiet. My husband followed me into the house where the screaming and finger pointing continued. I argued back, protesting my innocence. It only enraged him more. I was afraid that this time he was going to hit me. I thought for sure if he started hitting me, in the condition he was in, he would never stop.
My dad, it suddenly occurred to me, would be up, watching the Turner Black and White Movie Channel about then. I often called him before I went to work at the P.O. early in the morning. I staggered over to the phone, which in those days was hanging on the wall (this was way before cell phones).
I was barely able to make out the numbers on the dial I was so drunk. My husband continued to scream in my face. He suddenly reached out and ripped the entire phone off the wall! He threw it across the room. It jangled and burst into pieces. I was in absolute terror for my life.
My dad had raised me to know how to shoot. Both my husband and I had guns hanging on a rack in the living room, with the ammo stored separately but nearby. I went for my .30 carbine and its clip, which had 10 rounds in it. I was so drunk that I could not line up the clip with the well of the magazine to load the gun. While I was struggling with it, my husband tore it out of my hands.
I turned and ran for the front door as fast as I could. I made it off the deck and down the seven steps before I fell, landing on my hands and knees in the dew-covered grass in the front yard. I was crying and screaming. My husband followed me out and walked down the steps. I heard his work boots on every wooden plank. I heard him load the gun and chamber a round.
"Daddy! Daddy!" I screamed. "Save me! Make him stop! Daddy! Make it all go away! Daddy! Save me!" The only excuse I have for crying out for my dad was my drunkenness. I never called my dad "Daddy."
My husband did stop! He turned around and walked back into the house! I got up and stumbled to my car. I thought I would lock myself in and sleep until daylight, but the keys were in it. I never leave my keys in my car, but to my surprise there they were! I drove away, just a couple of miles, to a pull-off near a brook deep in the woods on a private, dead-end road. I rolled up the windows, locked the doors, shut the engine off, and went to sleep.
It was so cold when I woke up. I drove back to the house. My husband met me in the driveway. He had his uniform on and was going to work. The sun was shining; that seemed so incongruous.
"I will be back this weekend for my things," he said through the little crack I made in the window. When he drove away I got out of the car and went inside.
Over the rest of that week I felt something like a cancer growing in my guts. This was my second marriage, and certainly not the second of my relationships. They had all failed. I was a failure. I could not do life. I had nothing else to try after years of sex, drugs, alcohol, and myriads of other habits and distractions to try to cope with this world. I wanted to die. The feeling just kept growing as I got up each day and went about my business on autopilot – going to work at night or to the P.O. in the daytime if I was scheduled. I was scheduled that Saturday. When I got home his things were gone.
I sat on the rug in the middle of the living room as the sun was setting. I had a revolver in my hand. I was picturing how to hold it: To the side of my head, I decided. But just before I raised the gun I had a vision. I saw a vast dark space full of nothing but smoldering heat. I was the only soul there. It was the kind of darkness that presses against your eyeballs, and the kind of heat that makes the air difficult to breathe. I knew it was hell. I knew that if I pulled the trigger I would go there, that I deserved to go there.
I did not typically think about God, or heaven, or hell. I knew there was a god "up there somewhere." Anyone looking around at creation could see that. I also had been given a minimalist Roman Catholic education when I was very young, up to First Communion. My mother had later been "saved" in the "Jesus Movement" during the 70s. She spoke in tongues. I thought it was weird.
But in this moment I spoke to God out loud for the first time ever as an adult. It was also the first time as an adult that I used the name of Jesus Christ as anything other than a curse.
"God, if you're there, I really need you. I’ve made a complete mess of things. I don't know how to make life work. I've tried everything I know to do and I am at the end. If you're there, and if you can hear me, I need you. Is it true what I've heard, that Jesus Christ died for my sins on the cross so that I could go to Heaven? If it is, I need you to take over. Please forgive me for the mess I've made. Please show me how to live."
I went so far as to make a deal with God. I found out later you are not supposed to do that, it supposedly never works, but I also discovered God’s incredible mercy.
"If you bring my husband back, I’ll know that it’s you doing it, that you have heard me. I will read the Bible, and I will tell everyone what you’ve done for me."
That was it. I stood up. I felt as if I could go on. One might even call it peace. The feeling of cancer in my stomach receded. I put the gun away.
God did bring my husband back. I did read the Bible (my husband was jealous of that, too). One day a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door. "God sent you to teach me how to read the Bible!" I told them enthusiastically. During one visit they asked me what, if any, Scriptures I knew. "I know the ten commandments," I said. They knew exactly where to turn to find that passage, Exodus 20, and I was so envious of that ability! Later that afternoon before my husband came home from work I sat on the couch and read that passage over and over again.
On the first reading I thought, 'I've kept most of these. I’m a pretty good person.' By the time I had read the ten commandments through about five times I knew I was guilty of breaking every single one of them. I sobbed, literally sobbed, for over an hour. My heart was broken. If I had not already believed at that point that Jesus died for my sins, including the sin of murder when I aborted my child, I could not have endured the conviction I felt. God was holy; I was not.
One of the customers on my mail route was a pastor. He started meeting me at the mailbox and talking to me about what I was reading in the Bible. Eventually I was baptized by him. I joined his church. I quit drinking and drugs and years later cigarettes and even coffee. I learned and grew and changed by leaps and bounds! I even became a Sunday school teacher, first for children and then for women. I have been a Christian now for 26 years. Jesus has never left me nor forsaken me, though my husband, who never understood the changes I was going through, did. I call God “Papa” in my prayers, which is very close to “Daddy.” I know Bible verses now that explain why I screamed “Daddy!” on the night my salvation began:
Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts,
the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”
~Galatians 4:6 NIVFor you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received
the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”
~Romans 8:15 NKJV
Amen. I also was delivered from occult practises. It is a very real realm with very real power, but our God and Father's power is LIFE! and love and truth and he is far more powerful than all other spirits combined.
I used to do tarot readings and other sorts of divination practice. I was addicted to horoscopes and once went to see a fortune teller - she actually included a Bible in her practice. 90% of what she told me has literally come true. That remaining 10% hangs over my head like a sword of Damocles. God forgives, but we are still left with consequences from our choices.
God wants us to have peace as we entrust our lives to his loving care day by day; this is why he forbids divination and witchcraft.
Your testimony shows great wisdom from a very early age. I join you in praise to God for his many rich and undeserved blessings to us.
"O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!"
Amen. Thank you for both of those beautiful graphics and Scriptures! Isaiah 41:13 would have made a wonderful Life Verse. I was drawn to choose Psalm 42 - in its entirety - instead!
Beautiful testimony
You overcame much by God’s Grace
The Lord gave me patience.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll just wait and find out.
The Lord gave me perseverance.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll just keep on trying.
The Lord gave me strength.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll just keep on working harder every day.
The Lord gave me initiative.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll be the first to tell you when I find out.
The Lord gave me curiosity.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll keep on looking.
The Lord gave me health.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll keep at it for a long time.
The Lord gave me peace.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll not be afraid of anything.
The Lord gave me wisdom.
I don’t know why.
So I’ll always know the answers eventually.
What did the Lord give you?.............................
Last year would have been perfect for that as it was the 400th anniversary of the Pilgrims Landing on Plymouth Rock.
But, all the festivities were cancelled due to the WuFlu.
Indeed.
I’m already seeing little increments of persecution in MA.
If I may share a story that is near and dear to my heart....
My daughter and her husband didn’t conceive a child till 7 years after their marriage.....and she had no health problems, & happily married
,...they had already decided to adopt and had gone for the first appointment...they were at peace, they are Believers
The next week she found out she was with child....
...this wasn’t an easy pregnancy.......at least twice she went to the emergency room at the hospital because she thought she was losing it...
...a doctor even suggested she would miscarry
Oh my goodness.....did our faith get a workout!!!
I remember driving to the hospital both times with my husband..... praying first for mercy....
....but then remembering when in distress PRAISE HIM and GIVE THANKS
.......so we did
In her 27 th week she got preeclampsia...( blood pressure shoots up, legs swell.....etc
...they were going to keep her in the hospital on bed rest.....to let the baby grow more
....but God had other plans!
The 2nd day, early in the morning, the doctor arrived early because he was extra concerned!
Sure enough......the baby’s heartbeat was slowing down and they decided to do an emergency c section!!
A specialist had measured the baby the night before and said she would be about 2-1/2 pounds!
Those words scared me!
As they rolled our daughter out of the room...( our daughter wasn’t worried, she was very calm because she could feel her little girl hiccuping)...
....her husband went with her
But after they left the room, my husband and I fell totally apart!!
We were in each other’s arms sobbing and sobbing.....because we were afraid we’d lose both of them
So we are so lost in our mourning we almost didn’t hear our daughter’s Pastor’s wife softly praying....( she had been there since early that morning, God bless her)
We heard her pray for our granddaughter’s future!!....that she would grow into a sweet young lady who loved the Lord and that her husband would honor her.....on and on she prayed!!!!.....FOR HER FUTURE....
...and here we were mourning her as if she were gone!!!
So my husband and I joined her in prayer.....PRAISING GOD FOR OUR LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER AND OUR DAUGHTER!!!
We even started singing hymns and smiling........not knowing....BUT TRUSTING ,.....in the outcome!!!
In a very few minutes I distinctly heard my dear son in law yell ‘It’s a baby’......and he was truly joyous!!!!!
Later when we saw our granddaughter she was exquisite, beautiful......all 2-1/2 pounds!!!!......I also praise the nurses in NICU where she spent the next 4 weeks!
Our daughter recovered well and happily
Our granddaughter......endowed with everything God had designed her to be......is now a 16 yr old who is lovely, funny, respectful, charming, gifted in music and academics, and LOVES THE LORD!
The only slight flaw is one weakened eye that has NEVER stopped her!
She has read continually and voraciously since her early years....
It helped that her parents read to her in the womb and every night after, until she could read for herself!
To God Be The Glory!
I do need to be a better dispenser of grace, though - as any Freeper could probably attest, (I'm a work in progress).
May I share how God has been helping me with that? He has many aids, but this really works, if you're serious.
One of our pastors held a one-hour Bible study four decades ago which changed my life. He focused on Ephesians 4:29:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
God wants us to build others up with our discussion, not ourselves, according to their needs, not ours, so that it benefits them, not us.
To effect this change, we must teach ourselves to pause before speaking or typing and THINK AND PRAY how to achieve those goals. And what a joy it becomes!
How delightful! Yes, I have described to others how the “exercising” of our faith makes us stronger! Trials definitely are designed for our purification not our downfall (as we sometimes imagine). I’ve even preached that sermon to myself in the midst of troubles!
The Lord never gives you a burden heavier than you can handle. He knows your limits even if you don’t..........................
Amen, to God be glory! Thank you for sharing that very encouraging story of faith and answered prayer!
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer,
believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 11:24
Amen!
I’ve literally prayed this verse -
Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth;
keep watch over the door of my lips!
Psalm 141:3
Dear Lord,
Give .30Carbine a good man size problem today.
I find the above a very encouraging prayer for others
Already had one! Lifting my barbells!
Then you know, too.
Genesis 50:19-20: "...And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."
I could tell you so many stories...But thank you for this thread...Not only gives us the chance to share our testimony but gives others who may be reluctant to share their testimony publicly in front of a crowd the courage to get it out there...Giving your testimony is powerful...Gives you strength...
And maybe those who mock us will wonder at our testimonies and seek out Jesus looking for the same experience...
I'm aware that not all Christians have a testimony as such...Many were raised by Godly parents and didn't have to go thru the jungle like a lot of us did but learned to love God right from the start...Wouldn't that have been nice...
Anyway, thank you and thank all the others who have shared their testimonies as well...
I can't even imagine...
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