Posted on 10/12/2015 8:32:47 AM PDT by Salvation
A 2012 report on men and marriage by the Pew Research Center shows statistically what many of us have noticed anecdotally: men are finding marriage less desirable than in the past and are now marrying later, if at all.
In today’s post I want to present some excerpts from a hard-hitting article that appeared at Lifesite News in 2013, commenting on the Pew study. The full article can be read here: Men Giving Up on Marriage.
As usual, I present the text from the original article in bold, black italics, while my own poor commentary is in plain red text.
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever. … The number of young adult men saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent [since 1997].
The latest census data showed “barely half” of all adults in the United States are currently married, a “record low.” Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 [percent] today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise, with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7 [years]. The declines in marriage are “most dramatic” among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
In my mere 26 years of priesthood, I have seen the number of weddings I perform each year decrease from 35 to 5, and the average age of engaged couples increase from 24 to 31. These are startling changes, and they largely match those experienced by other priests with whom I have discussed the matter.
29 percent of young adult men desiring marriage is an amazingly low figure. The article notes that the things that once motivated men to marry in the past are largely in eclipse now. Men once enjoyed the esteem they garnered by marrying, and were motivated by the challenge of being breadwinners. Getting married was once a proper and approved way of attaining status, and legitimately enjoying sexual intimacy. It was part of the passage to manhood.
But today, many (if not most) women don’t need (or don’t think they need) men to provide for them economically. It’s goodbye to any notion of the esteem of being a provider.
Further, in an age of promiscuity, most men don’t need marriage to open the door to sexual encounters. Only a few “old-fashioned” Catholic priests and traditionalist Catholics raise any eyebrows at men’s “playing the field.” And women as a group (with certain notable exceptions) seem less insistent on expecting men to connect sexual intimacy and marriage.
Add to this the financial bondage introduced by the racket that college education has become. Many young people graduate from college with six-figure debt. And when undergraduate degrees no longer open doors, advanced degrees became necessary, bringing on even more debt.
And finally, add one more thing: pornography. It is more available than ever before. And though it is theoretically more privately accessible than previously, I would point out that there is nothing private about the Internet; Internet service providers know every site you have ever visited.
Sadly, many young men honestly admit that they prefer pornography to real women. Pornography doesn’t talk back or have preferences or moods. Real relationships are complex and require navigation and negotiation. Pornography, it would seem, is a narcissistic paradise. Click through to your current preference; it’s all about you and what you want. And at the end, the object of your fantasy disappears and does not have issues or attitudes with which you must deal.
The overall image is of a cauldron, filled with a witch’s brew or a satanic stew. That men and women marry at all today is increasingly miraculous. I always make a point of congratulating and thanking engaged couples that get to my rectory door for beating the odds and having the gumption to swim upstream.
Pew’s findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of [marriage] entirely
Suzanne Venker [in her] article, “The War on Men,” … points out that for the first time in U.S. history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees. …
With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector, and provider—and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage—men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it. …
“When I ask [men] why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”
“Men are tired,” Venker wrote. “Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.”
Most men I know perceive that they are often considered by the wider culture as deficient, even depraved. The “men are stupid” commercials and sitcoms abound. Men are often presented as buffoons, who need women and children to “set them straight” on the simplest of things.
Schools, dominated by feminist ideology, have made a pathology of the normal behavior of boys, which includes competition and roughhousing. They seek to feminize boys, going even so far as to encourage medication for them. Most of these boys merely have the spit and vinegar that was once considered normal, needing to be curbed somewhat rather than suppressed with drugs.
It is little wonder that fewer young men make it to college and are falling behind young women in almost every category. Being told (even indirectly) on a regular basis that you are fundamentally flawed has a significant effect over time.
The article says that feminism has emboldened many women to direct suspicious anger toward men and generally presume that they have bad or evil motives. But it has also caused a lot of men to draw back from the healthy confidence that once bolstered them to go out and seek a wife and to take a leadership role in the community, the Church, and the family.
A feminist culture in effect shames these desires as being “patriarchal.”
This is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says. “It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex … The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals … in order to live the balanced life they seek.”
Yes, in the end it’s usually the biology that kicks in. Truth be told, men and women are meant to be complementary not competitive. Our very body bespeaks a difference that requires the opposite sex to complement it. The design of women’s bodies speaks to bearing children and nurturing them.
A woman who wants to have and raise children well needs time and flexibility. The 9-to-5 career world does not facilitate that. Thus her husband complements her need by taking up the linear and less-flexible career world, leaving her freer to nurture the children.
This used to be obvious to us. But ideology is often disinterested in the obvious. It may be true that we were once too restrictive, limiting certain jobs and careers to men. But for most women, the freedom to work has become the duty to work, even in the childbearing years. It’s a raw deal for everyone: women, men, and especially children.
The bottom line is, it’s never good for anyone, or for civilization as a whole, when huge numbers opt out of or find no access to our most fundamental building block: the traditional family. We must save traditional marriage if we stand any chance of saving our dying civilization.
For further reading, consider Men and Marriage by George Guilder and Eggs are Expensive, Sperm is Cheap by Greg Krehbiel.
The saying used to go,
“In the battle between the sexes, it’s so hard to avoid fraternizing with the enemy.”
Now the battle lines seem to be more coldly drawn. For some reason those ubiquitous commercials depicting the wife as supersmart & the husband as a bumbling oaf come to mind.
I sorry he was betrayed. Betrayal of love is a serious injury to one’s trust and multiply that betrayal by a society of mostly sex crazed, self absorbed cheaters...
Gays and lesbos (feminists) are tickled pink.
The root cause to the core of the problem is woman have been brain washed by Feminism.
Feminism at its core gets its roots in the occult.
The Satanic Roots of Feminism.
Even that betrays a fundamental error.
God did NOT create Man and Woman to be enemies. He created Man and Woman to be partners.
The idea that Man and Woman should be enemies, that there should be a battle between them, is a foul falsehood from the depths of Hell.
I evaded the initial question - Not surprising that men are evading marriage as they tend to be the biggest losers in divorce. Men are not appreciated for their differences from women, but rather coyly scorned or made fun of, and that is also a Leftie Feminist ploy to ruin marriage.
If a man works for himself, of course he is in the workplace, but it’s not the same as working for a company where you go to a place and see fellow employees everyday, and possibly find a suitable mate. I think this varies from industry to industry.
Black women probably would have a problem finding a mate considering how many Black males are in prison or jail proportionately to their race.
This article specifically addresses marriage, and I do believe that young women are sowing what they reaped. The attitude of I don’t need a man...until I need a man for babies and family nurturing... but I have waited too long and that ship has sailed. I could go on and on, but enough.
I could write a book on the varied male/female interactions I have seen over the years in the workplace....
Men are pigs,to bad we own everything.
Tim Allen
.....Yet Jesus warned us not to speculate about the end times, only the Father knows when Jesus is going to return.
Yet with God taken out of the picture, man and woman have indeed become enemies. And that is the intent of the Enemy himself, Satan.
Rather, we are called and commanded to spread the good news of the Gospel.
Ha ha—who knew the IT guys were such catches!
That’s the problem. A successful marriage is great. Unfortunately, whether it will be a go or a no go is a real crap shoot. If the man learns it’s a no go after one or more kids, it’s painfully like a tarantula hookup that just failed, with predictably horrific consequences for the male. The pleasure of playing Russian Roulette just doesn’t outweigh the risk.
My son and many of his friends are looking for wives. The women of the middle class and working class are not looking for marriage, a baby, yes, marriage no. Sad.
Yep ....just looking for a $perm donor.
Holy smoke, it’s a joke!
I’m a born-again Christian too, but even that joke hints that men & women should seek each other out, and belong together.
No need to be having drama about a one liner!
;^)
But all that stuff men usually do around the house can be hired out so women have no need for a man around.
But marriage is about more than just using someone for what they can do for you.
Men and women, both, need to grow up.
In a healthy society, you'd tell that joke and everybody would look at you like you were from Pluto. "Huh??? Battle of the sexes????? Wuzzzat?"
I read this whole thread. Nobody argues better for staying single (and celibate, per Charles) than FReepers!
Yep ....just looking for a $perm donor.
____________
I keep on telling the boys to keep it tucked in. There is no harder life that to be a donor and not a father and husband.
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