Posted on 05/27/2015 6:30:45 AM PDT by grame
Leo Tolstoy famously wrote, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” The problem is that I’ve yet to meet a family that fits into Tolstoy’s tidy categories of “happy” and “unhappy.” The reality is far messier. Put tears and laughter, love and betrayal, fights and hugs into a blender and out will come a family. Even in homes where the walls are decorated with portraits of grinning moms and dads and kids, there’s usually a closet door that’s kept shut. Last week we were reminded of that, when the media flung open that door in the Duggar family home. And the skeletons came spilling out.
(Excerpt) Read more at liberate.org ...
What happened within this family is many things—tragic and abusive, shameful and selfish, destructive and deceptive. It is all manner of evil, no matter how you look it. But there is one thing that it is surely not: it is not surprising. Not in the least. The only ones stunned by this revelation of abuse are most likely those who assume that the Duggar family image on their reality show does, in fact, accurately reflect reality. But there is no reason why this family’s secret should be shocking, especially to the Christian. The Duggars are not the pristine, ideal family that their television show portrays them as being. They never have been, nor will they ever be. Nor is any family. They are parents, sons, and daughters who have a civil war raging within each of them. It just so happens that Josh’s particular battles, and the pain he inflicted upon others as a result, have taken center stage.
Consider these words: “I don’t understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” These are the words of Paul, the one we’ve dubbed Saint Paul. He frankly admits that he’s anything but a model of moral perfection. “I do the very thing I hate,” he admits. He’s got a civil war raging inside him, too. He’s fully sinful in himself and fully righteous in Jesus Christ, all at the same time. He is what the Reformers called simul justus et peccator (simultaneously saint and sinner). What Paul’s particular struggles were, what those things he hated were, he doesn’t say. He doesn’t have to. He’s simply upfront about his condition—the fallen, curved-in-on-itself human condition.
As it was with Paul, so it is with the Duggars, and so it is with every Christian: each of us lugs around an old corrupt nature that we won’t shed this side of the grave. Of course, that nature rears its ugly head in different ways with each person, sometimes in ways that must be addressed with spiritual as well as psychological help. With Josh, sadly, it was through sexual abuse; with others it’s through addictions and greed and hate and selfishness of every kind. But one thing is certain: not just Josh but all of us harbor our demons. And the sinful nature within us is daily clawing its way out to manifest itself in ways great and small, public and private. Only liars and fools pretend otherwise. The sooner we as individual Christians, as Christian families, and as churches present ourselves to the world that way, the better. Believers face more than petty allurements, make more than “mistakes.” We fail and fall in mega ways.
Dear world, do you struggle with alcohol or drug abuse? So do we believers.
Dear world, has your family been wounded by infidelities? So have ours.
Dear world, have your children hurt each other through sexual abuse? Yes, ours too.
Dear world, do your families members commit crimes and end up in prison? Ours too.
Dear world, do you have a closet full of skeletons? So do we Christians.
The greatest witness that Christians can present to the world is not their own morality, their ideal family, or their dream marriage, but their weaknesses and sins and failures, all of which have been atoned for by the crucified and resurrected Jesus. Our witness is never, “Look at how well we’re doing at being good,” but always, “Look at the good Savior who died for our evils.”
Here’s what happens inside the closed doors of Christian families: sinners live together in very close proximity. And you know what that means. Husbands who are righteous in Christ, but sinful in themselves, do and say mean and hurtful things to their wives. Wives who are righteous in Christ, but sinful in themselves, do and say mean and hurtful things to their husbands. Christian children mess up big time, rebel, and yes, sometimes sexually abuse others. We do terrible things. Tempers flare, eyes lust, tongues yell. In other words, sinners act the way sinners are. We are no better than the world is. Nor should we claim to be. We are far from perfect. We are by nature sinful and unclean. And because of that, we return, again and again, to the blood Christ shed that atones for our sins—the same blood, dear world, that has atoned for yours as well.
Christians families do not live on the mountaintop of morality but at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ. In his shadow is shelter from the burning sun of iniquity. Whatever repercussions Josh may experience from what he’s done, he will find at the foot of the cross a God who does not punish him, but says, “I love you. I have forgiven you. My blood has made you whiter than snow.” If this seems scandalous, then you’re beginning to understand the grace of Christ. Christ’s love is a scandalous gift. He didn’t die for the not-so-sinful portion of humanity. He was crucified for all. He died for sexual abusers, murderers, gossips, hatemongers, adulterers, pornographers, and you—whoever you are, whatever skeletons may be piled in your family closet.
But there’s still more that Jesus did. Christ took upon himself the shame that others inflict upon innocent victims. He lived and died and rose again for the girls that Josh abused. The battered wife, the rape victim, the child whose bedtime lullaby was the screams of a drunk father—these who have been physically, emotionally, and psychologically harmed by the evils of others, they too find peace and wholeness in the battle-torn, broken body of the Son of God. He didn’t just die to forgive us for the wrongs we do, but to provide us with healing from the wrongs others do to us. For in Christ, the Spirit puts us into communion with a restoring God. He gives us the peace that passes understanding. Not the evil that others have done to us, but the good Christ has done for us, is what defines who we are. We are God’s sons and daughters. We are adopted into the family of a Father whose greatest joy is loving and embracing us as the dearest things in all creation to him.
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have said, “We pray that as people watch our lives they see that we are not a perfect family.” We would echo that prayer, and add to it. I would pray that as people watch their lives—and as they watch the life of my family as well—they would see families that boast only of their weaknesses, that do not deny their flaws, and that find peace and healing only in Jesus Christ.
We are all the Duggars. We are all dysfunctional sinners living in flawed families upheld by grace. There is only one who is perfect, the one who became our sin, that in him we might become the righteousness of God. And in his wounds, bleeding with love, all of us find healing.
Not me. I don’t go around diddling my siblings.
Not me.
I may be many things, but an incestuous baby-raper is not among them.
Nope. We are NOT all the Duggars. The guy had a problem that was never dealt with. The sisters never got help and Daddy just wants to keep the girls and the situation all covered up!
Sck!
You disdain the very sanctimony your post exemplifies, both of you. Self loathing is the sickness of the self righteous.
God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this Duggar. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
Like hell we are.
I hope I’m not as stupid as Mr and Mrs Dugger. I know for a fact, that if my son had this background the last thing I would do is put him on national TV as some sort of example of a righteous lifestyle.
I knew a happy family when I was growing up. The children spoke respectfully to the Mom. The Mom only had to speak gently to the children, they wanted to obey her out of love. The Dad had to be loving for it to work. Her name was Jeannette Conway. Just knowing that they were that way helps me.
Thought provoking.
I don’t agree with all the conclusions.
All have sinned. There was much evil in my own family when I was young but the trauma of having the whole world know would have made it even more traumatic.
Chad Bird & Daniel Emery Price may well be. But they can shove this other viral dung up their smelly øbamas.
I wonder if large families have their own unique problems that are not found in more traditionally sized families. Back in the late 70s I met a family at church who had 12 children and counting. They were rocked with the scandal that the teen brothers and sisters were having consensual sexual relations with each other. It all came out in the open when two of the sisters got in a fight with each other at school over a boy—and that boy was one of their brothers.
A line of thinking that has not escaped my own thinking.
What was the goal/motive in the TV show? Money? Fame?
Wrong motive!
They will answer on judgement day, as will we all.
Well said.
I remember back in 1965, when I was twelve, my brother, my cousin and I as well as my cousin’s cousin from the other side of is family were waiting in the car for his mom to come out of the department store. We were all in bathing suits and she was going to take us to the pool. I was the oldest male, 12. My cousin’s cousin was a 14 year old girl.
To make a long story short, we paid her 25 cents each for her to pull the top front of her bikini bottom to peek inside.
Was it right? Nope. Wasn’t much of a thrill either...
Nothing like that ever happened again.
But I catch myself saying, a lot these days, “Being a man, I know the heart of man.”
There is a reason so many human females get pregnant by their 20’s out of wedlock when parents don’t put a tight reign on them.
But
Suddenly, I remember why I refrain from posting. I have a weak heart.
I would never subject my family to the invasion of privacy that is reality TV, selling your soul, and theirs, for 30 pieces of silver.
I’m going to be sick.
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