In 1997 the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America enacted its own version of Prussian Unionism with the “Formula of Agreement” declaring “full communion” with three Reformed denominations.
How can you be “in communion” when there is no real commonality over Who is present?
I don't know. We can debate about the big picture (is it a metaphor or real) or the minutae, but to specifically NGZ's problem, I really, really, cannot imagine going to a Church that did not believe that God is present there in the Eucharist -- whatever be the arguments for or against, if one deeply believes this, as you, ngz do, I do believe and think that you would be deeply unsatisfied. The pastor you spoke to was correct -- it is a make or break issue.
NGZ, please do look at the LCMS, WELS churches who are deeply traditional and orthodox in their beliefs. My sincere advice is that you may be happy there