(Audio) My Advice to Catholic Parents: Don't Let Your Kids Date Non-Catholics

Patrick Madrid ^ | 11-24-09 | Patrick Madrid

[Patrick Madrid]

I know, this is hardly revolutionary or unique advice, but I was recently asked about this issue by a young Catholic man who called my "Open Line" radio show (heard every Thursday at 3:00 p.m. ET). He had been dating a devoutly Presbyterian girl, and her father didn't like it one bit that the guy was Catholic.

I think my response to his "what do I do now?" question may have surprise him. (It apparently surprised and even dismayed a few of my listeners, judging from some of the e-mails that came in after that show.)

My basic premise, which I advert to in this audio segment is that . . .

[OpusatFR]

“I don’t really care if folks are prejudiced,...”

That’s a pretty broad description of Catholics desiring their children to maintain and marry with and raise their children in the faith they believe is the Truth.

In employment, housing, education, or any public venue, Catholics certainly haven’t discriminated.

The Ulster situation is entirely different having been an occupied territory for hundreds of years with Protestant discrimination in every single area of housing, employment, education and other public venues.

[iowamark]

When you say something like this, I am sure that some people think that you just arrived from the 1950’s!

Some mixed marriages do work out well, but it requires a great deal of respect. Nell Wilson Reagan was very active in Disciples of Christ, Jack Reagan was Catholic. Their first son, Neil Reagan, was raised Catholic and remained one all his life. Their second son, Ronald Reagan, was raised Protestant by his mother but was always respectful of Catholicism.

[marron]

Despite my earlier upbringing, it became obvious to me a long time ago that believing Catholics are Christians, sometimes beautifully so.

Same with believing “evangelicals”. I think a lot of people are figuring this out about one another.

“By their fruit you know them” as it says. Look for someone who loves God, for real, and you’ve likely found someone who can love you too right to the end.

And the kids? Raise your kids to love God, for real.

[arfan]

When I met my Catholic girlfriend, I was attending a nondenominational Protestant church.

When it became clear that we were falling in love with each other, and started to talk marriage, she made it clear that I had to be Catholic to walk down the isle with her.

At first my conversion was for her, but once I discovered the beauty of the Church, nothing could hold me back.

I found both of the loves of my life with one "yes". I would not trade a moment of the past 15 years of being married to her, or being Catholic for anything.

So as far as your caller goes, I would say run-don't-walk away from the relationship.

But to say across the board that dating outside the Church is bad, I would most definitely say "Not in my case"...

[the_conscience]

I agree. Especially male Romanists.

[tioga]

In general, I would agree. I just discovered that there are a group of Methodists who attend my Catholic Bible study class. Sr. Brig teaches strictly Catholic teaching, but at times mentions them and their beliefs. I suspect that there are believers out there that have many of the same basic beliefs as we do, as well as many Catholics who do not. So, I agree, with room for exceptions.

I was baptized as a Catholic, but raised with no faith. My husband didn’t insist, but wanted me to follow through...I call it my conversion. Today, I am a more devout Catholic than he ever will be. Perhaps when he retires he will come around a bit. He is scared to death of a REAL, live relationship with his Saviour. He is really missing out. Too many Catholics are CINOs.

I find I have a great relationship with anyone who has a daily, living relationship with Jesus. Doesn’t much matter the faith.

Are you the real deal? I am sure I have read one of your books at one time or another.

[luckystarmom]

I was a Methodist growing up, and my mom did not approve of my brother’s girlfriend who was Catholic. They even tried to send my brother to Europe to get over her.

Well, my brother married that girl, and I am so glad he did.

Shortly after they were married, he was diagnosed with skin cancer. For over 25 years, they battled skin cancer together. He eventually, lost his ear, his site, and then finally died after their 25th anniversary.

Throughout those years, she was the main bread giver. They also had 2 wonderful children. He was able to be a scout master and was the coach on many of my nephews little league teams.

Now, my sister-in-law lives near my parents (my other brother and I do not), and she is always helping them out.

Even my mom knows she made a terrible mistake by trying to break my brother up with his wife.

[OpeEdMunkey]

I can say with confidence that the time-honored Catholic policy of courtship (as opposed to what commonly is meant by “dating”) is wise and effective.

There are 68.1 million Catholics in the US, so you may want to increase your sample size a bit. Probably more than 3 would be good.

[luckystarmom]

bread winner, not giver

[OpeEdMunkey]

Every day our prayer is for strong Catholic DILs!

Well, that's what my parents got—instead of the Jewish girl that I thought was 'the one'. They were happy, her parents were happy...she and I can't stand each other. Been a long 20 years. Going to be another long 10 before we can call it quits.

[NEMDF]

My dad was Catholic, married a non-Catholic who converted to Catholocism for him.

Then he decided he did not like the lifestyle of having a wife and five children so he left town and filed for divorce. It had nothing to do with religious beliefs. My mother went to the priest for help in dealing with the emotions and issues, and from that moment on, she and we five children were essentially shunned by the church due to the (impending) divorce.

What do you suppose that experience did to reinforce our beliefs and loyalty to the Catholic church?

[murron]

I married a non-Catholic and after our 2nd child was born, he converted to Catholicism.

On the other hand, my daughter married a non-Catholic and then moved 900 miles away. She had been a faithful Mass-goer until about 3 years into her marriage, and then she stopped going. His family who were Baptists began talking to her, and that’s when she stopped going. But she did have her two children Baptized in the Catholic Church and they are both making their First Communion. There is hope for her yet.

[OpeEdMunkey]

Well, I for one really wish that those days would come back.

Here here! And bring back those anti-miscegenation laws too!

Those were the days.

[Patrick Madrid]

(Psst, your absurdity is showing.)

[sitetest]

We have a few criteria that we encourage our sons to adopt when they start to think concretely about marriage (they’re 15 and 12 at this point, and thus, we hope that their happy days are still a little way off into the future). The young lady should be:

- a devout, practicing Catholic who accepts all the binding teachings of the Church;
- the daughter of an intact home;
- desirous of a large family, but accepting of what God gives;
- preferably homeschooled;
- desirous of at least seriously considering homeschooling for their children;
- possessed of a pleasant personality;
- a practitioner of good habits, small virtues and proper etiquette;
- and rich as heck.

Just kidding on the last one.
Mostly kidding.
;-)

[mrmeyer]

That's the way I see it. My grandfather was a protestant that converted to catholicism to marry my grandmother. They've been married 65 years. My mother is a devout catholic while my father is jewish, and they're nearly at 35 years of marriage. I was raised catholic while my wife is presbyterian, and our daughter was baptised in a presbyterian church this past june. My presbyterian sister in law married a lutheran.

I love them all dearly, and I thank God frequently for blessing me with such a wonderful family.

The advice given in the audio is a bunch of phooey.

[BenKenobi]

I was the same, but it didn’t work out. Wonderful gal, but not made for each other. I’m happy tho with the Catholic church! I’m so thankful for it! :)

[redgolum]

Not bad advice (and I am a Lutheran who married a Catholic).

Trouble is that Catholic is more of an ethnic identity than a religion for many. My wife’s cousin is married to my best friend, and “a good Catholic”. She goes to church a few times a year, and can’t even define the Trinity on a work a day level. Much less the Incarnation.

Just saying perhaps the definition should be narrowed some what.

[sitetest]

Dear redgolum,

I think that Patrick already narrowed the definition considerably:

“My advice to Catholic parents is, teach your children well the importance of finding a devoutly Catholic spouse.”

Someone who can't even manage to make it to Mass weekly doesn't even begin to approach the most minimal standard of “devout Catholic.” Someone who can offer little or nothing when asked to describe or define the Trinity or the Incarnation is a Catholic who never paid attention, not exactly a "devout Catholic.”

I think that once truly devout Catholic parents (and children!) hear the advice offered by Patrick, they'll understand quickly what's being said.

sitetest

[Flying Circus]

Ulster is what Ulster is because the British government always butts in on the side of the Protestant loyalists. Catholic vs Protestant divisions in Ireland are reflections of secular divisions- British loyalist vs Irish nationalist. At their root they have always been such.

Ulster is non-sequitur to this discussion.