My wife and I suffered a similar loss, 3 1/2 years ago. My wife was half way through her dose-dense (high dosage rate) chemotherapy for breast cancer when our older son had a seizure while laying on his bed, got turned face down, and smothered. My wife was attending a cancer survivors group meeting, so David and I were home alone.
I was in another room and heard nothing, although we had talked just a few minutes earlier when we both answered the phone (on separate extensions).
The phone rang again, perhaps 20 minutes later, but he did not answer. I called to him, looked outside to see if his car was still there, and finally opened his door to see him lying on the bed, the back of his upper arms a ghastly bluish color. I tried CPR, obviously, but even that took a little time because his room was very cluttered and I had to get him turned over in a very small space, as well as to call 911.
I worked myself to total exhaustion, and would not quit until the medic was in position to take over, and I had to be helped out of the room - but all for naught. I had been able to restore color to his cheeks, but it was too late to revive him. My wife returned a couple of hours later, to see the fire truck, ambulance, and police at our house. A friend and neighbor - and retired minister - told her what had happened, to spare me the burden. I actually believe that her condition protected her from the intense devastation I felt, but magnified it for me.
But life does go on, and I can (usually) think about him without tears now. The exception was a few months ago, when his cat had to be put down due to recurrent cancer. I was surprised at how much the loss of that living link to my son affected me. That cat had chosen to spend a lot of time in my lap after David died, and I felt a connection to my son through him.
God Bless you MainFrame65.
Romans 8:38-39 say, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Nothing can separate a child of God from their Father.
I pray that God will comfort you in the hope of seeing your son again in that land where we will shed no tears, have no infirmities and know only joy. In Jesus’ Holy Name, Amen.