Michelangelo on Queer TV (no original title)

The Bleat ^ | 2 September 2003 | James Lileks

[Salman]

Late-nite idea scribbled on Post-It note, found this morning: QYR I STR8T GUY MICHELANG

And for once I knew what that meant. I had seen some “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” and in my bleary pre-crash state thought: wouldn’t it make a great column to put famous historical gays on that show? Like Alexander the Great? Or Michelagelo? In retrospect, no. As a friend keeps reminding me, there’s no proof Michelangelo was gay. (Uh-huh. Sure.)

But I still like the idea, if only for the contrast. I always Michelangelo as a Beethovian character - dark, scowly, bothered, the antithesis of the cheery chatty guy I saw on the show. Let’s go to the tape:

"Well, Mike, I don’t know about you, but as Oscar Wilde said, either that wallpaper blows or I do. Or something. (pause. Singsong: ) You’re not laughing. What’s the matter? "

I want a realistic depiction of a flayed skin on that wall, held by a man whose expression connotes the horror of damnation! I want the writhing bodies intertwined to demonstrate that not even vigorous musculature is sufficient to resist the demons who drag such sinners down to thunderous ruin!

"Ah - ohkaaay, but we were going to do an underwear makeover today? It’s the Mighty Tighty Whitey episode, and -"

No underwear! I had my greatest work defiled by that fool da Volterra - he even put drapery over the groin of a gutter-cat. No underwear!

"Oh, great, well, let’s give the room to Mikey! He hates everything!"

I do not hate everything. I do not disapprove of the windows. They admit a generous course of the setting sun, and the dying light paints the walls with a gentle brush.

(clapping) "Hey Mikey! He likes it!"

[pianomikey]

hehe

bump

[Reactionary]

This article is gay.

[annyokie]

Boy Howdy, is ever gay.

[George W. Bush]

Gay, gayer, gayest.

[annyokie]

LOl "Gayer than thou"

[SunkenCiv]

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