New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[GrandMoM]

An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.

In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.

Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.

"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.

"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.

Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.

Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.

In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.

Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.

[EdReform]

Bump! Thanks for posting this!

[EdReform]

Ping

[armed_in_sydney]

My best memories of life are time spent with my grandparents as a child.Their opinion of me has always mattered to me more than anyone elses for some reason.

[GrandMoM]

...but not against the wishes of the parents.....I am sure if I understand your post, but, I would never do anything without the consent of their parents.

[GrandMoM]

Bump! Thanks for posting this!....my pleasure EdReform, I have missed you!

[Brad’s Gramma]

What a wonderful find, GrandMom...thanks for posting this. And Ed, thanks for the ping.

I know that I am who I am because of my own Grandpa. He DID live with us for awhile before his death. WHAT a man he was.

I'm trying so hard to pass on to my own Brad, what I learned from him. AND my Heavenly Father!!!

[GrandMoM]

My best memories of life are time spent with my grandparents as a child.Their opinion of me has always mattered to me more than anyone elses for some reason.

....while I know I missed that in my life (knowing my grandparents) , I wish my grandchildren will have some of your same thoughts when I am gone. I know my life has been the happiest since my grandchildren have been born. They have renewed my spirt. Of course marrying my second husband has contributed to that also!!!

[lepton]

My point is that while the premise of the value of grandparents seems reasonable, and that undoubtedly grandparents have a unique relationship with grandchildren, the other part of the premise - that laws guaranteeing visitation should be upheld or supported - is wrong. While the child not having access to the grandparents may be regrettable, far more harm is caused by the governmental intrusion that would clumsily mandate it.

[GrandMoM]

I know that I am who I am because of my own Grandpa. He DID live with us for awhile before his death. WHAT a man he was.....you know, my dad (who had Alzheimers) lived with me and my 15 year old son for two years. He was so mean to that boy and never would share his TV (the only one in the house)but, do you think that sticks in this young mans mind now that he is 33, NOPE. All the lessons and fun he had with his grandpa while growing up is what is important to him today.

[GrandMoM]

While the child not having access to the grandparents may be regrettable, far more harm is caused by the governmental intrusion that would clumsily mandate it.

....would I lie down and take it if my children took my grandchilden away???

BLOODY HE!! NO!

I fight it with everything I had and take it to the highest court there is.

[Huck]

It is my fervent wish that my 5 Grandkids speak of me as you speak of your Grandma. That in itself would give meaning to my life.

Well, all I can tell you, from a grandkids perspective, is it's one of those cases where you do the work now and it pays off later. At least, that's how it was with my Grandma, in part because the burden fell to her to provide me some discipline and behavioral training (translation: the belt and the switch, sometimes cornbread and milk for supper). But it wasn't just punishment. It was consistent--extremely consistent--treatment and instruction. I didn't always appreciate it at the time, but later on I did. Lucklily, that was while she was still alive. I was able to spend good long hours with her as an adult, after I had finally grown up, and really enjoy her company.

For you it might be a different dynamic. You might not have to play the heavy. You might be able to just play games and tell stories, etc. Anyway, I hope your grandkids appreciate you. I am sure you're a great granddad. And thanks for the nice compliment. You are very kind.

[Brad’s Gramma]

Mine used to take a nap in the chair in the afternoon...and we'd always tease him when he woke up how HORRIBLY BAD he was snoring. He'd deny it, of course.

So, one day being so SMART like we all were, we went into another room w/a tape recorder and taped US snoring. I can still see his face, trying so hard not to laugh at us when we played that for him. He admitted that indeed, we had the evidence against him.

He ALWAYS had that twinkle in his eye, as does my dad. They'd get you at the drop of a hat, when you least expected it....wham. Awesome stuff.

[ladtx]

My granddaughter is the light of my life.

I know what you mean, I feel the same about my granddaughter. It made my day a couple of weeks ago to hear her 22 month old voice tell me "Happy birthday Pappy" from 1000 miles away. Wish they lived closer.

[GrandMoM]

He ALWAYS had that twinkle in his eye, as does my dad. They'd get you at the drop of a hat, when you least expected it....wham. Awesome stuff. You know, now that I think of it, my dad always had that twinkle in his eye.

He was a great dad, aways positive and fun, what a shame when he got Alzheimers. He didn't remember I was his daughter, I was just the nice lady that helped him. He did remember his name some of the time, but, when I took him down to the local watering hole, he beat those young whipersnappers (his name for anyone under fifty) in pool every time.

[GrandMoM]

Wish they lived closer.....I imagine that's hard to take!

[ladtx]

It is hard to take, plus she will have little sister arriving late next month. So that will be doubly hard. The only silver lining is that they will be moving about 400 miles closer in January so at least we will be able to drive to see them on long weekends.

[Brad’s Gramma]

Young whipersnappers......now THAT'S a term I haven't heard in a long time!

Is everyone else reading these posts, sitting here SMILING like I am????

[Judith Anne]

It is the light of my life to be a granny...

[Brad’s Gramma]

And it's hard to describe the INTENSE love you feel, isn't it? It's almost more than with your own when they were young.

[GrandMoM]

Young whipersnappers......now THAT'S a term I haven't heard in a long time! Is everyone else reading these posts, sitting here SMILING like I am????

....yea, it had me smiling when I typed it. It was like I could hear him saying it to me again.