©Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
Altar Egos
The top 10 worst and wackiest Hollywood nuptials
by Kat Giantis
MSN EntertainmentOn the whole, the rich and famous suck at marriage, but they're masters at getting hitched (granted, some have had a lot of practice). Most celebrities take a liberal approach to nuptial spending, creating the illusion -- at least for a little while -- that happily ever after is possible. Take Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt . When they tied the knot, their million-dollar, ultra-private ceremony included 50,000 flowers, loads of brown sugar candles imported from Thailand, and heart-shaped fireworks. But not all star weddings are picture-perfect. In fact, some are downright depressing, either through bad luck, bad planning, or just plain bad judgment. Below are our picks for the Hollywood unions that put the emphasis on the latter part of "for better or for worse." So grab a slice of wedding cake and dig in:
10. Liza Minnelli & David Gest
March 16, 2002It was a production worthy of a Tony, with Liza Minnelli giving the performance of a lifetime as a woman saved by the love of a good man. But this show was very real -- and legally binding. Liza's producer -- oops -- groom was David Gest, a lifelong bachelor with a massive Shirley Temple collection. (The real Shirley, reportedly "weirded out" by Gest's memorabilia, sent her regrets, but with such C-list celebs as Gina Lollobrigida , Mickey Rooney and Carol Channing in attendance, she wasn't missed.) The eccentric duo pledged their troth with an equally eccentric 36-member bridal party, which included co-best men Michael and Tito Jackson and bridesmaid Elizabeth Taylor (whose 1991 Neverland wedding to Larry Fortensky had its own freak-show factor). After taking his vows, shellacked-haired groom Gest planted an extended, Hoover-like kiss on the thrice-wed, recently rehabbed Minnelli. The newly minted couple managed to make a mint off their conjugal bond, with OK! magazine paying an estimated $1.3 million for exclusive photo rights, and their friends shelling out big bucks for items off their Tiffany registry , which included four $4,000 soup tureens and 12 silver platters at $2,900 a pop.
9. Sarah Michelle Gellar & Freddie Prinze, Jr
Sept. 1, 2002The wedding of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze, Jr., in Costa Careyes, Mexico, was the kind of fairy-tale celebration every bride on a budget dreams about. Or was it? Sure, there were plenty of pictures of the besotted groom and his glowing bride (courtesy of an exclusive six-figure deal with Hello! magazine), but in reality, the couple's lavish nuptials were plagued with a series of mini disasters that would have left Buffy longing for a nice, quiet apocalypse. In the Acts of God department came both Hurricane Hernan, which forced the " Scooby Doo " sweethearts to move their beachside ceremony indoors, and a 4.6 earthquake that struck as their guests were heading home. And in the Acts of Mexico department, Gellar reportedly spent part of her wedding day hooked to an IV after becoming dehydrated due to a bout of Montezuma's revenge, while her Prinze was suffering from both food poisoning-related hallucinations and an alcohol-induced bout of amnesia. "I don't remember the details, because I was drunk most of the time," says Prinze, who claims he was "butt naked" and shaking on the floor five minutes before he tied the knot. "But I survived."
8. Larry King & Shawn Southwick
Sept. 5, 1997The "in sickness and in health" part of Shawn Southwick's vows kicked in immediately after she married Larry King, who said his "I do's" from a hospital bed at UCLA Medical Center. King, then 63 and a six-time matrimonial loser, had planned to wed lucky No. 7 in an elaborate affair on Sept. 6, but his sudden chest pains and scheduled angioplasty put the kibosh on the event. The twice-divorced Southwick, 37, reportedly argued with King's relatives about proceeding with the wedding (his family wanted to postpone), but the couple made it official in a sunrise ceremony the next morning (King remained in his hospital gown). The newlyweds honeymooned at New York's Cornell Medical Center, where the CNN host had his chest cut open and his arteries unclogged. A month later, the couple renewed their vows at a star-studded Beverly Hills celebration. "We were just creating a new memory," Southwick told People. "The one from the hospital was too intense for my taste."
7. Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee
Feb. 19, 1995Although the bikini-clad bride had maintained a longer relationship with her swimwear than her fiancé, that didn't stop Pamela Anderson from impulsively marrying Tommy Lee in Cancún after a rapturous five-day courtship (the ink-stained Motley Crue drummer had introduced himself to the hypermammiferous "Baywatch" bombshell by licking her face). The lustful twosome turned up hours late for their barefoot, beachside civil ceremony, with the bride in an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny white two piece and the groom sporting cut-off shorts and no shirt. After promising to stay together until death, Tommy celebrated by tossing Pam into the surf. Instead of the traditional ring exchange, the pair opted for ring finger tattoos of each other's names. According to Pam, big diamond rings are all about a man's insecurity about his, um, masculinity (Tommy had Pam's name tattooed there, too). Their volatile beginning was telling: After four explosive years and two children, they called it quits. As for their ring tattoos, he inked over his, while hers now reads "Mommy."
6. Myra Gale Brown & Jerry Lee Lewis
June 12, 1957Jerry Lee Lewis may have been nicknamed "The Killer," but the 22-year-old wildman rocker committed career suicide when he took his 13-year-old second cousin Myra Brown as his third wife. The child bride said "I do" at a Mississippi chapel in the same dress she'd worn to junior high school that day, unaware that her betrothed hadn't yet secured a divorce from the previous Mrs. Lewis. Upon learning of the marriage, Myra's father expressed his congratulations by pulling out a belt and giving her a whuppin'. The newlyweds flew under the media's radar for five months, but their secret came out during Lewis' British tour. Asked by a reporter who she was, Myra proudly replied, "I'm his wife." The resulting scandal led many stations to ban Lewis' records (he never made the top 10 again), but didn't turn the singer off to matrimony. He ended up at the altar three more times. And good news, ladies: Jerry's available, having divorced Mrs. Lewis No. 6 in 2002.
5. Three Lemons in Vegas
Cindy Crawford & Richard Gere
Dec. 12, 1991Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman
Nov. 14, 1998Angelina Jolie & Billy Bob Thornton
May 5, 2000When impetuous celebs are looking for the perfect place to elope, nothing says "true love forever" like a quickie, cookie-cutter ceremony in a cheesy Sin City chapel. We couldn't pick just one wedding, so here are three Velveeta-filled lowlights:
- Back in 1991, marriage-minded supermodel Cindy Crawford reportedly told Richard Gere, her boyfriend of three years, that either they get hitched or they break up. The pretty pair set out for Vegas and were married in a late-night ceremony at the Little Church of the West, where they exchanged aluminum foil rings and celebrated with dinner at Denny's. Three years later, they were kaput, but the memory of that matrimonial meal will likely last forever.
- A long night of drinking and gambling in Vegas left Dennis Rodman in the mood for marriage, so he woke up girlfriend Carmen Electra and proposed. Within hours, the b-ball bad boy and the "Baywatch" babe had tied the knot in a frills-free $75 package -- no flowers, no pictures -- at the Little Chapel of the Flowers. "The priest was going on and on about life and you have to trust each other and be together forever, and Dennis asked, 'Would you just hurry it up, please?'" Electra told People. Two days later, Rodman's agent claimed his client was three sheets to the wind when he was wed, and nine days later, the Worm turned to his lawyer, who filed for an annulment.
- Angelina Jolie was no stranger to bizarre matrimonial rituals when she married four-time divorcé Billy Bob Thornton. For her first wedding to Jonny Miller , she wore a white shirt with the groom's name written in her blood. Jolie and Thornton made it legal at the Little Church of the West in a 20-minute, $189 ceremony. Both wore jeans; the groom sported a baseball cap. The romantic newlyweds exchanged vials of each other's blood and his-and-her burial plots (there was a 20-year age difference, after all). Their tattoo-filled, tabloid-magnet coupling came to end in July 2002, shortly after Jolie adopted a baby boy.
4. Tiny Tim & Vicki Budinger
Dec. 17, 1969
Long before Rick and Darva soiled the pop-culture landscape and Corey Feldman sold his soul in an MC Hammer -officiated wedding on "The Surreal Life," there was Tiny Tim, the ukulele-strumming troubadour of " Tiptoe Through the Tulips " falsetto fame. On Dec. 17, 1969, amid thousands of tulips, Tiny, 38, took 17-year-old Miss Vicki to be his bride live on "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson . Forty-five million viewers (whose progeny are now likely hooked on "The Bachelor" and "Married by America") tuned in for the spectacle, which became the highest-rated "Tonight Show" in history (Carson's farewell is No. 2). But the relationship never bloomed. "I wish I had never married Miss Vicki," Tiny Tim told People in 1992. "I was more elated by being at the height of glamour than by getting married." The couple, whose wedding gifts were stolen in the frenzy that followed the televised spectacle, divorced in 1977. They had one daughter named Tulip.3. Shannen Doherty & Ashley Hamilton
Sept. 24, 1993With two broken engagements in two years, Shannen Doherty, then 22, probably wanted to keep her quickie wedding to Ashley Hamilton, 18 and recently out of rehab, low-key. How low? It was strictly BYOB for her guests, who arrived at the bride-to-be's Santa Monica house to find refreshments limited to tap water. The event was keeping with Shannen and Ashley's relationship: sparse. The two had dated for less than a month when they decided to pledge their undying love in a last-minute ceremony in Doherty's backyard. The barefoot bride wore a silk bathrobe and walked down an aisle decorated with tiki torches. For their honeymoon, Shannen and Ashley flew to New York, where the bride hosted "Saturday Night Live" and pushed her new hubby's face into a wedding cake during a skit. Five months later, the "Beverly Hills, 90210" bad girl handed Hamilton his walking papers.
2. Lisa Marie Presley & Michael Jackson
May 26, 1994The ink was barely dry on Lisa Marie Presley's quickie Dominican Republic divorce when she became Michael Jackson's better half in a quickie Dominican Republic wedding. Romantic it wasn't. The groom, dressed in black and wearing lipstick, chewed gum throughout the 15-minute ceremony, attended by lawyers and a bodyguard. When asked, "Do you take this woman to be your wife?" Jacko reportedly replied, "Why not?" The pair, who first met in 1975 when Elvis took his little girl to a Jackson Five show in Las Vegas, exchanged gold rings and sealed their union with a quick peck -- unlike their later bone-chilling buss at the 1994 MTV Video Music Awards. It took two months for the oddball newlyweds to go public to a shocked world that collectively asked, "Why?" Was Lisa Marie trying to launch a music career? Was Jackson trying to put those child-molestation allegations behind him? Whatever the reason for this pop culture nadir, er, marriage, the King of Pop and the King's daughter lasted just 20 months before moonwalking into divorce court.
1. Anna Nicole Smith & J. Howard Marshall II
June 27, 1994There are May-December romances, and then there's the May-Paleolithic-era affair Anna Nicole Smith had with multi-millionaire oilman J. Howard Marshall II. Given their age difference (she was 26; he was nearly 90), it had "gold digger" written all over it, but Smith, the zaftig Guess? jeans girl and future reality TV star, insisted she was in love with the man she affectionately called "Paw Paw." For their nuptials at the White Dove Wedding Chapel in Houston, the bride wore a perilously plunging satin beaded gown; a door-knob-sized 22-carat engagement ring; and curlers in her hair. The wheelchair-bound groom laughed happily as his dewy bride made her way down the aisle. After celebrating with cake and champagne, Smith kissed Paw-Paw and whispered, "Bye, darling, I'm off to Greece." Mrs. Marshall was heading to a photo shoot, accompanied by her strapping bodyguard, Pierre de Jean. "She was throwing kisses, saying, 'You're the only one I love,' calling him 'Poopsie baby' and all that," Pat Walker, the owner of the White Dove Chapel, told the Washington Post in 1995. "He just sat in his chair and looked at her and cried."
Honorable Mention: The Wedding That Wasn't
Julia Roberts & Kiefer Sutherland
Planned for June 14, 1991More than 500 guests were expected at the glittering $500,000 wedding of Julia Roberts and Kiefer Sutherland, which was to take place on a flower-festooned soundstage at Fox. The cake, food and champagne were ordered. The bride's custom-made Richard Tyler gown was waiting, and the bridesmaids had picked up their seafoam green dresses with matching Manolo Blahniks. If only Julia has ordered some socks for her cold feet. Mere days before heading down the aisle, the actress turned into a runaway bride. Kiefer, who had been spied with a dancer a few weeks before the nuptials, reportedly found out the wedding was off in a call from Julia's publicist. On the day she would have become Mrs. Sutherland, Roberts was seen canoodling with Kiefer's best bud Jason Patric on a flight to Ireland. Sutherland, who was miserable after the breakup, now says he "completely respects" Julia's decision to back out. "In fairness," he told the Evening Standard in April, "you can't announce your plans to wed and court the media on the level we did, then call it off five days before it was supposed to happen and not expect a total tidal wave to knock you on your ass."
