SUV Owners Shouldn't Read This

newspaper syndication ^ | March 22, 2003 | Donald "Lefty" Kaul

[newgeezer]

There are few things more misleadingly named than the Sports Utility Vehicle, which is neither sporty nor particularly utilitarian.

Oh, it's advertised as useful, I'll grant you that. And maybe it is, if you live in a remote mountain village where you occasionally have to drive over a rock-strewn field in bad weather to get where you're going. But most of the people who do things like that wouldn't be caught sober in one of the modern, fancy-schmansy SUVs, with the soft ride and the leather seats and cup-holders. (Real mountain people drive pickup trucks with a gun-rack in back of their heads.)

No, SUVs are bought, for the most part, by city folk, many of them suburban mothers who use them to cart kids around, with side trips to the supermarket. They claim that they buy them because they are:

1. Roomy (for the kids, you know)
2. Safe (don't want to be out there in a tin can)
3. Able to travel in inclement weather (because of the four-wheel drive so many of them have)

Which would be fine, except that none of those things is true. By the numbers:

1. Even the biggest SUVs (and there are some monsters) don't have any more passenger room than, say, a full-sized minivan, which costs thousands of dollars less and is easier to park.
2. SUVs have the distinction of being both more dangerous to themselves and more dangerous to other cars than other vehicles. Because of their high center of gravity, they have a distressing tendency to roll over and their fatality rates are higher than traditional vehicles (6 percent higher on the average; 8 percent in the bigger models). However, because of their huge size, in a collision with a normal-sized car, they are more apt to kill the occupants of the other vehicle. A Chevy Tahoe, for example, kills 122 people for every 1 million models on the road, while a Honda Accord kills only 21. This what's known as a lose/lose situation.
3. Inclement weather? Don't make me laugh. People with SUVs think inclement weather is when you can't play golf. For the occasional snowy day in most areas there are better ways to get around. SUVs are not the only four-wheel drive vehicles around anymore, after all. There are cars with all- and four-wheel drive that are superior in every way to your average SUV.

Every way except one. You can't bully other vehicles with a car the way you can with an SUV. And that's what the extraordinary popularity of the SUV is about---bullying.

Keith Bradsher, a New York Times reporter who been waging a crusade against SUVs for years now, has just published a book, High and Mighty, which documents the case against the vehicle. In it he quotes market researchers who have found that the SUV craze is "about not letting anything get in your way and at the extreme, about intimidating others to get out of your way."

SUV buyers, the researchers say, tend to be "insecure and vain, often lack confidence in their driving skills [and] are apt to be self-centered and self-absorbed, with little interest in neighbors and communities."

Does that sound familiar or what? Picture the typical SUV driver---the beady, close-set eyes of a serial killer set above a snarl that could curdle a latte. And that's just the women. The men are worse. Think of Hitler's Panzer divisions invading Poland.

On top of every else, these behemoths handle badly, get lousy gas mileage, are exempt from the safety standards that regular cars have to meet and don't have to pay the luxury tax that similarly priced cars have to pay. (It's called campaign contributions.)

Let's face it, they are an unmitigated disaster; assault rifles with power steering. If a terrorist country was trying to do to us what the SUV is doing, we'd be bombing it by now.

Yet the SUV has become the backbone of the American auto industry, and, as such, is with us forever or until the gasoline runs out, whichever comes first.

[FryingPan101]

I love my Jeep Grand Cherokee! I will never give it up unless we buy a new Jeep Grand Cherokee. I will never drive a sedan again no matter how much anyone tries to convince me that there is little difference. I'd rather ride a horse than drive a sedan.

[keykitten]

The reason I hate SUV's is that they're too big..You can't see around them, can't see over them, can't even see through them because they have darkened windows. Driving behind one in a standard size car or beside one is like driving in a tunnel. Then, there's the problem of parking between two of them in a shopping mall parking lot ( parking slots marked 'COMPACT CARS ONLY) deters them not a bit. When backing out, again you can't see around them, over them, or through them so that you have to inch your way back so you won't be hit by traffic driving too fast down the aisle. Then, when you drive at night, because SUV lights are mounted higher than the normal car, you're forced to look into the lights of oncoming SUVs.. There are other reasons but this will do for now.

[freedomlover]

I almost bought a Power Wagon but didn't have anywhere to put it at the time. There is a guy in Ga that has one in excellent shape and I think it has a SL6.

I'm getting rid of some old Mopars (1970 2dr Dart, 1973 Dart Sport, 1964 Dart GT) if you know anyone who wants to come to GA to get them. All original but need restoring. Currently sitting in storage.

[ArrogantBustard]

first amendment meets with aiding and comforting the enemy.

Good question. Arnett is a vile piece of filth. Not sure if he's a criminal, though.

[newgeezer]

I will never drive a sedan again no matter how much anyone tries to convince me that there is little difference.

You'll never catch me trying to convince anyone that there is "little difference" between driving a sedan and an SUV.

I guess it all boils down to how one defines "driving." Me, I like to start with something approaching .8 Gs of lateral acceleration. For me, driving an SUV sounds too much like riding a burro in an equestrian event.

[B-Chan]

I currently own a Toyota 4Runner (2WD, leather).

I plan to own a Toyota Land Cruiser next year.

I want to own a Hummer H2.

Compared to cards of the pre-Nader era, modern cars are too small and too limited to be good general purpose vehicles for suburban or town & country family life. Commuter pods and standard sedans are fine for single commuters who live in the Gay District five blocks from work (or for old folks with no kids), but the rest of us live miles from everything and have crap to haul around -- and we don't always know when we're going to have to haul it. Hence the advent of the SUV, a vehicle comfortable enough for daily use but capable of hauling six Americans (or a mattress) if the situation arises.

The ideal family car of today would be something the size of one of the old Lincoln or Woody station wagons, with modern engine, drivetrain, and other innards -- which is precisely what an SUV is.

[tcostell]

Well with the parking thing you definitely have a point, but that sounds like you actually hate rude people, not SUV's.

As for the other complaints about size, if you drive an MG you can make the same complaint about any mid sized car on the market.

In other words, size doesn't matter.

The fact that you find them larger than your preference doesn't really persuade me that they're evil, just that you should get a bigger car. I personally get annoyed at anyone who won't get out of my way, no matter what they drive. I'm subscribe to the school of thought that thinks that there should be a constitutional amendment against driving in the left hand lane slower than the person behind you.

And in my neck of the woods there are people who always drive with the high beams on. They are far worse than the slightly higher (but correctly aimed) SUV lights.

The left hate's SUV's because they represent an indulgence in personal liberty, and a wiggle around their precious cafe regs. If the only people driving SUV were college professors, then it would be no problem, but since it is for the most part the enemy (ie people with spouses and kids) they object. They say the words "soccer mom" with contempt, and argue that we should all be coerced by force to adhere to the same values as them.

Sorry but I am respectfully unconvinced by your argument but I do hope you work out that parking thing.

[Petronski]

I sure enjoy my '97 Crown Vic with the Performance and Handling Package. I only wish it had a 5- (or 6-) speed stick, bucket seats, ...

I have a '96, but it's tricked out. ;o) Cop gear and such...indestructible and flat out fast. I do the work myself.

The manny tranny conversion is tough because there's no good way to hang the clutch pedal--else it'd easy. There's a Ford 5-speed that mates up perfect (C-5?).

[KneelBeforeZod]

I get a good laugh out of SUV drivers outside Sacramento who insist on tailgating at 80 mph...then as soon as you hit the mountains ride the breaks going UPhill. retards.

[KneelBeforeZod]

awwwww so many people on this thread got their feeWings hurt.

it's not as bad as the Mac v Windows threads though, where everyone is pinging each other to come fight

[FryingPan101]

"For me, driving an SUV sounds too much like riding a burro in an equestrian event."

LOL. I guess.

[nebulas]

Wellll...size DOES matter. lol

[Xenalyte]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: SUV drivers as a class (and I will generalize here) CANNOT stay inside the lines.

Nothing to do with jealousy - if I wanted one, I'd buy one - just pure annoyance. (My theory is that most SUV drivers never did learn to color inside the lines either.)

[Xenalyte]

Our alleged drag-racers here in Houston all drive teensy little CRXes with more plastic parts on 'em than a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. (Oh, yeah, and Oriental calligraphy stickers on the windows.)

Here's a hint: If I can pick it up, by myself, unaided, it is not a car.

[Cinnamon Girl]

However, because of their huge size, in a collision with a normal-sized car, they are more apt to kill the occupants of the other vehicle. A Chevy Tahoe, for example, kills 122 people for every 1 million models on the road, while a Honda Accord kills only 21. This what's known as a lose/lose situation.

Sounds like win/lose to me.

[newgeezer]

The left hate's SUV's because they represent an indulgence in personal liberty

Although that's a common belief amongst us conservatives, I don't think it's quite so simple. I'm sure many of them hate SUVs mainly because they represent a value system different from their own, not necessarily having anything against personal liberty.

For instance, a lot of us on the right hate gay pride parades, while many on the left insist they're a matter of personal liberty.

[Xenalyte]

4.Because they damn well WANT to, you limp-wristed f#@%ing maggot.

Is there a sarcasm tag missing?

[newgeezer]

Actually, when I spent 9 weeks in SoCal on business a couple years ago, my rental was a brand-new, black Crown Vic.

Never did I experience anything remotely resembling aggression from any other driver on the freeways. On the contrary, I was astonished at how polite and accommodating everyone was. It was very different than what I had been warned to look out for on LA freeways.

I can't begin to imagine what the addition of a couple small antennas could have done. ;-)

[GGpaX4DumpedTea]

Pouser? Can't find that word in the dictionary at dictionary.com. What does it mean?

[Newton]

I'm getting sick of hearing about the evil SUV..... I drove VW's for years and now I drive a Yukon XL......I love the 'dubs but wouldn't trade the SUV for anything... I can haul crap in it, take road trips in comfort and yes....just drive up to the grocery store in it.....you know what? I don't like mini-vans, I don't like Camry's but guess what...last I checked this was still America and I don't have to buy one if I don't like them and those who do like them have the right to buy them regardless of what I think...so why do I have to listen to these dumbarses tell me what to drive?????? argh!!!! /endrant