A Hunger for Frito Pie, From the Artery-Clogged Heart of Texas

The New York Times ^ | February 21, 2003 | JOHN SCHWARTZ

[HiTech RedNeck]

I like chili on pancakes.

[Anitius Severinus Boethius]

"Stadium Nachos" is a great term for them.

But for those interested in "real" nachos, here is my recipe.

Buy a bag of Round Tortilla chips and sort through the bag choosing only those chips that are unbroken and fairly flat.

Place selected chips on a cookie sheet about half an inch apart.

Place a small pile of shredded cheese (I like a blend of extra sharp cheddar and pepper jack) on each chip.

Can also add a slice of jalapeno or a small portion of taco meat to each chip as desired.

Bake in a 350 degree oven until cheese is completely melted.

Let cool for a few minutes and eat warm.

[knak]

Texas (making fun of puny states since 1845).

I'm sure you've heard this one, but...We could cut Alaska in half and make Texas the third largest state.

[wildbill]

New Mexico the birthplace of Frito Pie? You're suffering from altitude sickness up there in Santa Fe. I'll give you burritos.

But Fritos were invented in San Antonio by a guy who sold 'em off a cart, way before the company was formed and started shipping out of state. We ate 'em with chili from the booths on the plaza at Fiesta. And the SA school system had Frito Pie on their school lunch menu as far back as 1948.

[HiTech RedNeck]

"This other stuff says it's made in New Jersey!" "New Jersey??!! Get a rope."

And now Pace is owned by the Campbell's Soup company which is headquartered in guess where...

[Space Wrangler]

Does the pope wear a big frilly hat?

Yes, they are awesome! They kind of taste like black-eyed peas, but have a much firmer texture. Defintely one of my favorite snacks.

[knak]

Are they boiled in the shell or what? I've heard that they are great. Haven't heard about them in 10 years though, that's as long as I've been in AK. Of course, here they don't even know what hush puppies are.

[annyokie]

Doesn't like gravy!!!!!!!! I'll bet he hates biscuits, like my Yankee ex-husband. (I knew it'd never last.)

[PatriotGames]

Rebel Warnings

Issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Northerners, (North westerners) And Northeastern Urbanites:


1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they
know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your butt.

2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Billy Bob, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your butt.

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here its called Coke. Nobody gives a flying flapjack whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to a butt kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your butt.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape, Yahoo). Naturally, we do sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). But We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not
dumb enough to let someone move to our state just in order to run for the Senate. Why ,If someone tried to do that, we would kick their butt.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. And if you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your butt.

7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the heck up. Just spend your money and get out of here, or we'll kick your butt.

8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -- with gravy. Oh, and don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your butt.

9) Don't try to fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your butt kicked.


10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern places like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. So get on outa here or we’ll kick your butt.

11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we
don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we
are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's
all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your butt.

12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic
beauty, we'll kick your butt all the way back to Boston Harbor.

13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things
are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet
little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick your butt just like they did
ours.

14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the
countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our
fresh air, and we'll kick your butt.

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to
barbecue. This will get your butt shot off (right after it is kicked).
You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and
you will go home in a pine box. (Minus your butt.)

[ErnBatavia]

According to the late, great comedian "Brother Dave Gardner", a Moon Pie absolutely required this to go along....

"Moon Pie and R-uh C Cola"

[knak]

does anybody really put sugar on their grits?

[PatriotGames]

ADVICE TO ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS

01. ) Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

02. ) Just because YOU can drive on snow and ice does not mean WE can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. DON'T try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

03. ) Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fish bait in the same store.

04. ) Remember: "Y'all" is singular
"All Y'all" is plural
"All Y'all's" is plural possessive.

05. ) Get used to hearing, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"

06. ) If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: A lot of folks learned to drive on a vehicle known as a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

07. ) If you hear a Texan exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

08. ) Get used to the phrase, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." And the collateral phrase: "You call THIS hot? Wait'll August!!!!"

09. ) There are no Delis. Don't ask.

10. ) In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.

11. ) Chili does NOT have beans in it.

12. ) Brisket is not "cooked" in an oven.

13. ) Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

14. ) If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down - in January.....for a week or two.

15. ) We do TOO have 4 seasons: December, January, February, and Summer.

16. ) A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol here. A Ford F-350 is.

17. ) If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers ain't hot" you can be certain they are.

18. ) If you fail to heed my warning in #17 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole and salt handy. Water won't do it.

19. ) If someone says they're "fixin'" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

20. ) If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football, just keep your mouth shut.

21. ) The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

22. ) If you see a faster moving vehicle on a two lane road behind you, pull onto the shoulder, that is what is called "courtesy."

23. ) BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

24. ) No matter what you've seen on TV, Line Dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.

25. ) "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

26. ) Everything goes better with Ranch Dressing or Hot Sauce.

[Sally'sConcerns]

There are times when I'll put lots of butter and some sugar on my grits. Usually though, I eat them with butter and salt.

[knak]

Tons o' butter, and salt and pepper for me. With fried eggs of course.

[DeFault User]

Residing in North Carolina I sometimes eat what passes for BarBQ here. It's smoked pork (sometimes beef) with either vinegar based or ketchup sauce put on after it's smoked. It's good smoked pork, but it ain't anywhere near Texas BarBQ, which I grew up on.

You're right, there's nothin' that compares to good BarBQ brisket with the flavor and the sauce that has been basted and smoked into the meat, not put on as an afterthought.

I miss the old BarBQ joints that emitted that heavenly aroma and had sawdust on the floor. Yummmm!

[JavaTheHutt]

We could cut Alaska in half and make Texas the third largest state.

Watch it, we'll get all the Texas cattle hooked up and pull Alaska down the coast to a warmer climate. Once all the ice and snow melts away, Rhode Island will be able to call Alaska 'tiny'.

[linn37]

The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

ain't that the durn truth!

[Jerry_M]

Don't you really mean that Tejas was part of New Mexico (along with Colorado, Arizona, and portions of California) long before any "Texicans" got tired of Santa Ana?

(Don't stone me, I am married to a native Texan!)

[Space Wrangler]

Yes, boiled in the shell in a briny water. Most roadside stands boil the peanuts in beer kegs that have had the top cut away. I've actually started seeing diffrent flavors in the last year or so. Mostly jalapeno and barbecue. So far, I've just stuck by the plain ones. I've never actually fixed any myself, but they have to be pretty easy to make. There is no way to overcook them, since most places that sell them leave them in the boiling water until you buy them, so it's just a matter of getting the amount of salt in the water right. Might put my turkey fryer to use this spring and try it out. Raw peanuts are available at our local farmers market, so I think I'll give it a shot.

[Diddle E. Squat]

Wolf Brand Chili isn't the only thing Corisicana is famous for. It was the site of the first major oilfield in Texas(before Spindletop) and is home to Collin Street Bakery, the first mail-order fruitcake business(for better or worse. Personally I like THEIR fruitcakes, and they've got tons of other great pies and cakes, delivered in nice decorative tins.)