The Two Cow Explanation

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[T Minus Four]

"The Two-Cow Explanation."

A Hindu: You have two cows. You worship them.

A Christian: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A Socialist: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A Democrat: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for your success and vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. They then use the tax money to buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.

You feel righteous.

A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground to start a campaign of sabotage.

A Capitalist: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

A Bureaucrat: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

American Foreign Policy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

An American corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A French corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A German corporation: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian corporation: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian corporation: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you only have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Mexican corporation: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A Swiss corporation: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.

A Brazilian corporation: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

The Taliban and Osama bin Laden: You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.

Saddam Hussein: You had two cows once, but they're gone. They're not in the presidential palace. Documents on them are also missing. Those United Nations inspectors are the real problem.

[mhking]

Eet Mor Chikin!"Hold muh beer 'n watch this!" PING....

If you want on or off this list, please let me know!

[weikel]

A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both, sells the milk abroad and uses the foreign currency to buy heavy machinery. You are sent to a labor camp as a class enemy because only a kulak would have two cows in the first place.

ROTFLMAO I think we have the next great American radio talk show host here.

[Argus]

Thanks for the plug. Your two cows are in the mail!

[theKing]

Saudi Arabia: You have tons of cows and are the world's largest producer of milk. You collude with the world's second through eighth largest producers of milk to control milk prices. You sell this milk to the United States and rely on them to protect you from your neighbor to the north. While simutanously supplying bin Laden with cash and preaching militant Islam to everyone else.

[T Minus Four]

...meanwhile, the United States has plenty of its own cows in the Northern Alaska regions, but environmentalists object to anyone milking those cows, because it might bother a couple of moose.