DOG SHOW BREEDS CONTEMPT

NY Post ^ | February 11, 2003 | Andrea Peyser

[NYer]

No sooner had I walked backstage at Madison Square Garden yesterday when I was brushed aside by a beautifully groomed, purebred bitch who possessed the manners of a mongrel.

She was a dog owner.

"A- -hole!" the high-strung biped ranted, just loud enough to drive a sensitive cocker spaniel to the kibble.

[NYer]

She even stole a dozen eggs one day and ate them raw.

LOL .... shells too? My rescue basset, Moses, is a big guy! He can reach the countertops. When I first adopted him, I recall reheating a pork roast for dinner one night. After heating it up in the oven, I placed it on the cutting board, on the countertop. My daughter was studying in the other room and called out a question. I never left my spot in front of the cutting board but turned my head sideways to respond. When I looked back, the roast was gone .... completely gone.

I have vinyl flooring and Moses has huge toenails that click clack when he walks across the floors. There had been no nail clicking sounds while my head was turned, and I began to question whether I had ever taken the roast out of the oven. I checked the oven, the sink, the garbage .... and then caught sight of Moses in the Living Room, contedly gnawing on his prize. To this day, I have no idea how he did it but I have learned to push foods all the way to the back of the counter when he's around.

[AnAmericanMother]

What a handsome Dalmatian! Looks smart.

We met a nice Dalmatian at the beach (St. Simons Island) and the dogs enjoyed running around together and splashing.

[stands2reason]

My brother has a beagle who has learned how to open the fridge door...

[Scott from the Left Coast]

Dalmatians like action. They're OK in the smarts category (nothing special), but action is their mein.

[AnAmericanMother]

Wow, don't tell my dog. Once she gets in the fridge we'll be in trouble . . . it's bad enough that the cats try to climb in every time I open the door.

Have you seen this one yet?

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change a Lightbulb?

Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that damned stupid lamp!

Rottweiler:
Make me.

Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark......

Mastiff:
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound:
Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover.....

Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....

Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....

Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

Hound Dog:
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

German Shepherd:
Alright, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light? I SAID,"STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!"

Cat:
Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is pointless.

[wheels]

The thing that curls my toes concerning the Westminster is the constant harping by the on-air twits that this is a SPORT. It is not a sport any more than New York Times puzzle solving is a sport. (Boy this should bring out the flamers.)

[FourtySeven]

It is not a sport any more than New York Times puzzle solving is a sport.

Don't forget the so called "sport" of driving a car around a track hundreds of times, all the while trying not to kill yourself. hehe

[wheels]

That was just great. I fell on the floor over the Lab's response. I could just see the big wacky dog with his tail going fast enough for liftoff jumping up and down with with a grin big enough to match a Cheshire cat.

[iconoclast]

Speaking of training, since the elevation to "orange alert" I've been looking for "attack dog" training for my Cairn Terrier. Any help?

[tutstar]

I was rooting for the English Bulldog, he could take the poodle anyday.........LOL

[AnAmericanMother]

It is not a sport any more than New York Times puzzle solving is a sport.

I agree with you. Conformation showing is not a sport - it's a skill. About the only exercise anybody gets is trottin' 'em round, and while a good handler has the knack of showing a dog to advantage, it requires knowledge not athletic ability.

Agility to me is a bit more towards the sport end, since there IS some athletic ability required on the part of the handler as well as the dog. Not only do you have to run like mad to keep up with a dog off leash, you have to learn various physical maneuvers (front cross, back cross, pivot, etc.) to steer your dog to the correct obstacle. But I wouldn't argue TOO vigorously with somebody who wasn't convinced . . . :-D

[CCWoody]

***Speaking of training, since the elevation to "orange alert" I've been looking for "attack dog" training for my Cairn Terrier. Any help?***

Yes, the local Lunatic house ought to be able to "help" with that!

Or, perhaps, I could lend you my magic "Honey I blew up the kid" ray gun.

hehehehe!

Serious, though, it has been my experience that Cairn Terriers are pretty viscious to begin with. They move so fast it is hard to hit them with my pistol and they do an excellent job of making your ankles bloody. Thus, they make excellent home security systems.

---

I remember that during WWII we Americans tried to turn Labs into "attack dogs" with little success. The breed was more disposed to lick your face than it was to take you down. Though, my female was the alpha of the litter and she is very possessive of her house and her truck. She has never bit anyone, but the growl is a serious sounding threat which I have not scolded. Instead, I'm training her to listen to my commands to cease and be a friendly dog with a tail like a whip.

[Mamzelle]

Why not a springer spaniel?

[Space Wrangler]

What a beautiful dal! Ours loves the water too. She especially loves early morning jetski rides when we are on our boat in the summertime. Amazingly enough, dalmatians make great boat dogs.

[fporretto]

GO, NEWF!
BEST DOGS IN THE WORLD!

(From a very satisfied Newfoundland owner.)

Freedom, Wealth, and Peace,
Francis W. Porretto
Visit The Palace Of Reason:
http://palaceofreason.com

[Desdemona]

LOL .... shells too?

There were shells everywhere. And smack dab in the middle of her bed, like a prize was the single survivor.

And then there was the time we walked in the door and under the dining room table was a hand of bananas, one literally split open from top to bottom with the peel just perfectly lying there, the actual fruit gone.

And I won't get into the number of pyrex dishes she's broken knocking them off the counter and stove. Since she hurt her hip (giving a hug on a tile floor) she doesn't do it quite as often.

[tracer]

Betcha it isn't helium!!

[strela]

LOLOL ... my brother's Jack Russell must eat No-Doz instead of kibble. He's climbing the walls ALL the time, and his stubby little tail pulls about 300 revs per minute while doing it.

[tracer]

The pug always performs to the standards of its breed's intended function -- which consists entirely of sleeping, looking around, begging, eating, farting, and capturing hearts.......