[chance33_98]

Well, I am honestly not sure how to word a response really. I guess I am just disturbed over the wave of advice from so many people about kids and raising them. Nobody seems to agree on things. Someone is always trying to guilt someone or trying to prove something to help their cause somehow.

I will keep doing what I am doing. Go home, play with dolls with my daughter, read to her, and keep trying to spoil her :)

[NativeNewYorker]

These moms and dads "decorate their children's rooms in stimulating colors, buy educational toys, forgo playpens and give baby massages. They space their children according to the best advice of child- development experts. ... They sacrifice personal time, friendships and their own interests - sometimes even their sex lives. They let their kids interrupt them and drop everything to take advantage of every teaching moment. And perhaps most important, they take every opportunity to build up their children's self-esteem."

I am frightened to say this is how we are raising our children, but they don't seem (at 8 and 4) to be hurting too badly.

Mr. Eight can amuse himself for hours on end reading or building legos, and Ms. Four is already selecting her wardrobe with no input from us superfluous adults.

To ward off the perpetually full nest possibility, Mr. Eight has already been told he is LEAVING TOWN for college. He uses Harry Potter's Hogwarts as a mental model for his future away from us, and he seems quite content.

[Domestic Church]

"women who are expecting a second baby often hear about it from friends, but they won't know just how difficult the parental juggling act will be until that second child arrives."

Two is a cake walk! Around here they say if you can handle three then you can do ten.

[NativeNewYorker]

These moms and dads "decorate their children's rooms in stimulating colors, buy educational toys, forgo playpens and give baby massages. They space their children according to the best advice of child- development experts. ... They sacrifice personal time, friendships and their own interests - sometimes even their sex lives. They let their kids interrupt them and drop everything to take advantage of every teaching moment. And perhaps most important, they take every opportunity to build up their children's self-esteem."

I am frightened to say this is how we are raising our children, but they don't seem (at 8 and 4) to be hurting too badly.

Mr. Eight can amuse himself for hours on end reading or building legos, and Ms. Four is already selecting her wardrobe with no input from us superfluous adults.

To ward off the perpetually full nest possibility, Mr. Eight has already been told he is LEAVING TOWN for college. He uses Harry Potter's Hogwarts as a mental model for his future away from us, and he seems quite content.

[NativeNewYorker]

These moms and dads "decorate their children's rooms in stimulating colors, buy educational toys, forgo playpens and give baby massages. They space their children according to the best advice of child- development experts. ... They sacrifice personal time, friendships and their own interests - sometimes even their sex lives. They let their kids interrupt them and drop everything to take advantage of every teaching moment. And perhaps most important, they take every opportunity to build up their children's self-esteem."

I am frightened to say this is how we are raising our children, but they don't seem (at 8 and 4) to be hurting too badly.

Mr. Eight can amuse himself for hours on end reading or building legos, and Ms. Four is already selecting her wardrobe with no input from us superfluous adults.

To ward off the perpetually full nest possibility, Mr. Eight has already been told he is LEAVING TOWN for college. He uses Harry Potter's Hogwarts as a mental model for his future away from us, and he seems quite content.

[NativeNewYorker]

These moms and dads "decorate their children's rooms in stimulating colors, buy educational toys, forgo playpens and give baby massages. They space their children according to the best advice of child- development experts. ... They sacrifice personal time, friendships and their own interests - sometimes even their sex lives. They let their kids interrupt them and drop everything to take advantage of every teaching moment. And perhaps most important, they take every opportunity to build up their children's self-esteem."

I am frightened to say this is how we are raising our children, but they don't seem (at 8 and 4) to be hurting too badly.

Mr. Eight can amuse himself for hours on end reading or building legos, and Ms. Four is already selecting her wardrobe with no input from us superfluous adults.

To ward off the perpetually full nest possibility, Mr. Eight has already been told he is LEAVING TOWN for college. He uses Harry Potter's Hogwarts as a mental model for his future away from us, and he seems quite content.

[WIladyconservative]

I had a very interesting conversation about this topic at a Christmas party recently. Here's my take on it. When I was a kid (30 some years ago), parents went out to socialize with their friends and left us at the grandparents or with a sitter. If we were included in a social event, it was either because it was family, or it was a (rare) party with other people's children invited, too.

Today's parents (a lot of the ones I have observed through my son's school) plan their social lives around their CHILDREN'S activities. The children have several sports events (or similar activities) on weeknights and the parents are so busy ferrying them about that they have no time for themselves as a couple. They will sit and chat with other parents in the same situation (ie ferrying their kids around to a whirlwind of activities that are just meant to fill the space between school and bedtime), instead of making time to really make and maintain adult friendships and enjoy a social setting free of the kiddies. They are friends with their child's friend's parents only because they show up at the same time in the same places.

It has completely flip-flopped from when I was a kid, and I think giving the children all that power is dangerous and unhealthy. Basically the social life of ones choosing has been abdicated to ones children. That's just icky, IMHO.

[GrandMoM]

bttt

[fml]

Families that revolve around the kids, as they do today, make for IMHO very dull adults. Children do well to know they are the center of our lives but not the center of attention.

[Desdemona]

ping

[winodog]

What I have noticed is single moms who have one child, usually a boy and its like they are married to one another.
Mom does everything for him and he is spoiled rotten.
My son wants to sit in whenever I have a friend or friends over and be a part of the conversation. Sometimes I let him but most of the time I tell him to go play.
I had one gal change her entire demeanor to me after witnessing this. Finally she could not take it any longer and asked me why I sent my son out to play. She thought I was rude.
I just told her that he did not need to sit around with grownups. Outside is the best place for a 8 year old boy.
But I can see why parents do dote on their children, especially single moms.

[SouthernFreebird]

It turns out that it may be those children who get intense parenting that are going to have more problems after all.

As a busy mother of 3, my children are in no danger of intense parenting :-)

[netmilsmom]

I am so pleased to see this article. My husband and I have this ongoing tiff about this. I firmly believe that if one amuses a child 24 hours a day, how will they handle being in a classroom with 20 other children? My husband hates the TV on (I believe that if the tv is on, it is not forbidden fruit and they will not be enthralled as he is), he will not let the girls play without putting in on it ("Then a rabbit flew in..." as they are playing Barbie dolls) and believes that they should be amused at all time. His down time is when he throws them on the computer next to him. (I see no difference between Barbie hair styler and watching Blue's Clues). His sister-in-law "uber-parented" his nephew to the point that when she read the paper, it was aloud so the little darling would not be left out. Oh Geez. Now, since her second one has come along, he is secondary to the older one and the older child is dead jealous of this easy going child.
There seems to be two kinds of parents anymore. Those who ignore and never even read a book to their children and those who do too much for the kids. The ones who feel that any word out of those darling mouths, is worth stopping the world for. One must find a happy medium.
Something has to be said about not having children in the neighborhood and not being able to let them run the way we used to when we were children, but my girls can amuse themselves in any situation. I love it! And they love each other which is more important.

[Gophack]

'Don't bother me unless you're bleeding.'

I've used this line before, especially when I'm cooking or paying bills.

I have three and a half kids, and virtually all my friends (unless they have 4 or more kids) are condescending and ridicule our decision to have a large family. When I had my son (#3) 20 months ago, many of the people I met said, "Oh, now that you have your son are you done?"

I was happy with two kids, I'm happy with three, and I'll be estatic with four. Being my generation, I do spend more on my kids and less on me, my husband and I have cut back our "dates" from once a month to once a quarter (babysitters are expensive!) and I do play board games with my kids. But, I also tell them no, I'm busy; I'm cooking; I'm resting; I'm taking a private bath and if you come into my bathroom you'd better be bleeding.

My oldest (9) often watches my son (a handful) so I can shower, talk on the phone, read my email, make dinner, or just lie down for ten minutes because I work all day. They have a great relationship. Though 7 years apart, I know that when they are grown they will be very close.

This article is very interesting ... we doted on our first born (as I think most parents do) and she has the hardest time playing alone. She's also the family hypochrondriac. She's also very, very smart and in an advanced class at school. My second we didn't coddle as much. She plays very well alone and has an incredible imagination; even when she's bleeding she says, "I'm not hurt!", and she's still smart. They are both great kids. And my youngest ... he's spoiled rotten by ALL of us, and he'll probably have his nose out of joint when the baby is born, but I think everyone will be just fine.

I guess the point of my story is that love is the single most important ingredient in the family, and my kids have never doubted our love.

[BillyBonebrake]

I just spent Christmas week with such "uber-parents" and the entire week was spent listening to a screaming five year old. The boy ran the show. And his father NEVER left him alone. This boy has yet to learn how to play with himself, and will grow up thinking the world revolves around him. Shame on his father. A bleeding hearted liberal, btw, who lets "good intentions" get in the way of good parenting.

[rdb3]

The youngest of 7 kids bump!

Birth of Tha SYNDICATE, the philosophical heir to William Lloyd Garrison.
101 things that the Mozilla browser can do that Internet Explorer cannot.

[Gophack]

Ping

[LiteKeeper]

read later

[irish guard]

Uber parents are patently obvious at the sporting events my kids used to participate in and still do participate in. These parents are the ones who want no score keeping for self-esteem's sake, despite the fact that all the kids keep score in their minds. These are the same parents who (I ahve coached Hockey for years) run a stopwatch to make sure their little Johnny gets the same amount of ice time as other kids. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep track of that? Not to get into too much hockey detail , but if the action is up and down the ice, lines must change more quickly...if the action is all at one end, the lines can stay and sometimes have to stay, particularly if you are in the defensive end (otherwise you end up shorthanded).

These are the same parents who end up dumbing down the educational system by whining about little Johnny's "B" instead of an "A", ultimately causeing all kids to earn an "A".

These folks need to watch playground justice, where their kid plays right field and bats 9th because he sucks at baseball. They need to see little Johnny as an adult in my office, where he thinks he is entitled to a fat raise every year and responsibility he is not capapble if handling.

These parents need a swift kick>

[Aquinasfan]

A good, common sense argument against birth control.