Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[TontoKowalski]

I don't think summer is being fair. If I were ever in an "unbelievably bad and corrupt situation... not of my own making" I'd tell her.

Of course, generally speaking, when I'm in that type of situation, it IS of my own making...

[PallMal]

My children all have classic or biblical names and when we come through the door for appointments people do not expect them to be black

Same here. I have one son named Peter. When people ask me the name of my son, they are surprised it's a "normal" name.

The "black name" thing is only prevalent to blacks in the USA. If you go abroad or know immigrant blacks, you'll notice that a majority of their children have traditional, Christian names.

As far as the weird names many American blacks name their children, my belief is that this phenomenon is a by-product of the race-hustlers and their hatred of whites. Their thinking is that since Sarah, John, Paul, and Alan sound "white", then it's a sign of rebellion against "white society" to make up some pseudo-African name.

Another thought: did American black children have weird names in the 1800's? At the turn of the 20th century? Heck, even the 50's and 60's? If not, where and when did the naming of black children with these weird names get their start?

[muggs]

If not, where and when did the naming of black children with these weird names get their start?

I had just typed that same question a few minutes ago and then didn't post it. All the black people I know are at least 30 years old and all have "normal" names.

[summer]

RE your post #358 - LOL.... :)

A name shouldn't matter - but the fact is, a name does matter. It's fascinating to me that many Asian parents seem to understand this fact, and embrace it. Others do not understand it -- or do not care -- or, who knows.

[TontoKowalski]

Well, there is one very unusual name in black history that I'm surprised isn't used...Sojourner (I hope I'm spelling that correctly).

It is unusual, and it certainly has a ringing historical legacy to carry with it. I don't know any children named that, and it seems so much better than the aforementioned "LaTissue" and the like.

[summer]

Re your post #389 - That was my reaction as well.

[Revolting cat!]

What is it with Texas and Latrinas anyways?

You think their brothers are all named Johnny?

[PallMal]

My theory is that these black names started around the early to mid 70's, usually by blacks who were single mothers and/or on public assistance. I'm not joking.

[summer]

RE your post #401 - ROTFLMAO!

BTW, I am not in that situation now -- and, it is to my benefit, in terms of my outlook and health, to "turn the other cheek." Others will continue to suffer from that situation, but I won't. If I had the power to stop it, I would, but I didn't, so I couldn't. Such is life. Suffering is everywhere. Everyone gets their share of pain. I too had my share. And, "LaTissue" in the hospital no doubt has more than her share!

[Capt_Hank]

My father used to tell the story about a set of twins entering first grade down south.

The teacher would ask each student to stand and tell the class their names.

Teacher.... "Little girl, please stand and tell the class your name."
Little girl..... "Pissy Davis".
Teacher.... "No, not what your parents call you at home. I want to know your real name."
Little girl..... "Pissy Davis".
Teacher.... "I want you to go home now and bring a note from your parents stating your real name."

The little girl walks down the aisle and takes her brother's hand. With that she says, "come on Shitty, she won't believe you either."

[summer]

What's your theory on the white names listed? Seriously, as I have no idea how this all started. Did almost every white parent decide to name their daughter after Brittany Spears? That's what it seems like.

[FreedomCalls]

Patrick Ewing, Michael Jordan, Karl Malone, Dennis Rodman, Bill Russell, Warren Moon, Walter Payton, Jerry Rice, Benjamin Banneker, Barbara Jordan, George Washington Carver, Andrew Young, Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson, Ralph Abernathy, Bobby Seale, John Conyers, Charles Rangel, Clarence Thomas, Frederick Douglas, Ralph Ellison, Alex Haley, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Bill Cosby, George Foreman, Samuel Jackson, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, James Brown, Ray Charles, Michael "Baby Drop" Jackson, Charlie Parker, Will Smith, Stevie Wonder, Don King, Joe Louis, Mike Tyson, Hank Aaron, Joe Morgan, and of course the first black President "Bill" Clinton.

[summer]

We had a good laugh - thanks!

My pleasure, peteram. :)

[dogbyte12]

There might be something to a person acting like their name. It is more a case of environment than any other thing else. Parents who name their daughters Candi, Brandi... probably are not going to be that aware of what their daughters are up to in the back seat of some boy's car.

I am guessing that the parents of "Latrina" or "LaTissue" aren't rocket scientists either. Names do matter.

They actually did a study of this. They submitted resumes of common names, and "black" sounding names to companies with basically identical qualifications, and the ones with normal sounding names were more likely to be called in for an interview with all else being equal.

If I am a CEO, and I am hiring a new executive, and I see that her name is Candi Kane Johnson... I admit it, I will be biased. If it was Rebecca Smith, I would be more likely to give her the time of day. Thomas King would probably get me more interested than LaDarnell Jamicus King.

[aruanan]

I have had a Kishandra and Yamika decades ago in New York.

Here are just the La- names from FEMALE African American Names. Note that your "Latrina" is one of those listed below.

La-Von | La-wanda | Labertha | Laceasha | Lachanda | Lachandice | Lachandra | Lachonda | Lacoria | Lacrasha |
Lacreash | Lacreashia | Lacrecia | Lacree-Sha | Lacresha | Lacreshia | Lacresia | Lacretia | Lacricia | Lacrisha | Lacrishia |
Ladaisa | Ladaishia | LaDana | Ladaseha | Ladasha | Ladashia | Ladassa | Ladawn | Ladawna | Ladawnah | Ladaysha | Ladesha |
Ladon | Ladona | Ladonn | Ladonna | Ladonne | Ladonya | LaJonel | Lajuana | Lajuanna | Lakaiesha | Lakaisha | Lakanda |
Lakasha | Lakecia | Lakeena | Lakeenna | Lakeenya | Lakeesh | Lakeesha | Lakeeta | Lakeetah | Lakeisha | Lakeishia | Lakeita |
Lakeitha | Lakeithia | Lakena | Lakendra | LaKendria | Lakenia | Lakenya | Lakeseia | Lakesha | Lakeshia | Lakeshya | Lakesia |
Laketha | Laketia | Laketta | Lakeysha | Lakeyshia | Lakezia | Lakicia | Lakiesha | Lakieshia | Lakietha | Lakin | Lakinja | Lakinya
| Lakisha | Lakita | Lakitia | Lakitra | Lakitri | Lakitta | Lakresha | Lakrisha | Lakrishia | Lakwanya | Lakyta | Lamarlo | Lamees |
Lameise | Lamesha | Lameshia | Lamisha | Lanasha | Lanecia | Laneesha | Laneeshah | Laneise | Laneisha | Lanesha | Laneshe |
Lanessa | Lanesse | Langca | Laniece | Lanise | Lanisha | Lanita | Lannie | Lantanua | Laoyia | Laqeita | Laquana | Laquante |
Laquasha | Laquaysha | Laqueen | Laqueena | Laqueinta | Laqueisha | Laquena | Laquendra | Laquenetta | Laquenta |
Laquesha | Laqueta | Laquetta | Laquia | Laquiata | Laquiesha | Laquinda | Laquinta | Laquinthia | Laquisha | Laquishia | Laquita |
Laquitta | Larah | Larhonda | Larryshia | Lashana | Lashanay | Lashanda | Lashandra | Lashandria | Lashane | Lashanna |
Lashannon | Lashanta | Lashante | Lashaun | Lashauna | Lashaunda | Lashaundra | Lashaune | Lashaunna | Lashaunta |
Lashawn | Lashawna | Lashawnd | Lashawnda | Lashawndra | Lashawne | Lashawnia | Lashawnte | Lashica | Lashode | Lashon |
Lashona | Lashond | Lashonda | Lashondia | Lashondra | Lashonna | Lashonta | Lashundra | Lashunta | Lashunte | Latacha
| Latacia | Lataesha | Latai | Lataija | Lataisha | Latana | Latandra | Latania | Latanja | Latanna | Latanya | LaTara | Latascha |
Lataschia | Latasha | Latashia | Latasia | Lataya | Lataysha | Latea | Lateasha | Lateashia | Lateasia | Latecia | Lateesha | Lateia |
Lateica | Lateicia | Lateisha | Latekia | Latesa | Latesha | Lateshia | Latessa | Latia | Latice | Laticia | Latieka | Latieshia | Latifah |
Latisa | Latisha | Latishia | Latissa | Latissha | Latitia | Lativa | Latiya | Latoia | Latoira | Latoiya | Latona | Latondra | Latoni |
Latonia | Latonna | Latonshia | Latonya | Latonyann | Latore | Latoria | Latorio | Latorja | Latorray | Latorreia | Latory | Latorya |
Latoryia | Latosha | Latoshia | Latosia | Latoya | Latoye | Latoyia | Latoyita | Latoyo | Latoyra | Latoyria | Latrece | Latrecia | Latreece |
Latreese | Latrena | Latresa | Latrese | Latresh | Latresha | Latreshia | Latressa | Latrica | Latrice | Latricia | Latrina | Latrisha |
Latrishia | Latyha | Laverine | Lavern | Laverna | Laverne | Lavernis | Lavonn | LaVonne | Lavoria | LaWana | Lawanda | Lawanna |
Lawanne | Lawanza | Lawanze | Laweania |

Here are the male names from the Da- group from MALE African American Names :

Da'quan | Da'quandalon | Da-Jon | Da-Juan | Da-Marr | Da-Shawn | Dacarlos | Dacu | Daekwon | Daequan | Daevin | Daevon |
Daiquan | Dajeon | Dajon | Dajuan | Dakeem | Dalen | Dallan | Dallen | Dallian | Dallin | Dallon | Dalton | Damarcius | Damarco |
Damarius | Damon | Damone | Damontae | Danatay | Dandrae | Dandras | Dandray | Dandre | Dang | Dangelo | Danglo | Dant |
Dante | Dantereus | Danutaye | Danute | Daquain | Daquan | Daquann | Daquawn | Daqwan | Darel | Darell | Darik | Darius |
Darnay | Darnel | Darnell-Josiah | Darrack | Darrian | Darvenel | Daryn | Dasan | Dasean | Dashaun | Dashawn | Dashon | Dassaun |
Dauntay | Dauntrae | Davante' | Daven | Davian | Davin | Davinte | Davion | Davon | Davone | Davonn | Davonne | Davonte | Dawan |
Dawaun | Dawawn | Dawin | Dawine | Dawon | Dawoyan | Dayquane | Dayton | Dayun | Dayvon

The largest number of girl's names began with S and T, followed by K and L. There were far more names for girls than boys. Among the interesting girl names are: Anyalanashyquae, Brie, Chantrelle, Choclate, Clister, Cloroneza, De'Lawn, Deshunta, Divan, Elide, Euphrobia, Fornesha, Gro, Jamungie, Java, Natavia, Orelon, Regime, Shneqqia, Taiwana, Trashica, TyLenol, Valgena, Yawna, and Yelling.

The largest number of boy's names began with D followed by R.Among the interesting boy names are: Amber, Ar'Kaevius, Chante, Clinton, De-rice, Demo, FoFo, Kennlucky, Latravious, Lazarious, Marshantose, Natron, Neon, Plaxico, Rayshone, Raytheon, Shonntarious, Taijuan, Tequancy, Tron, Vicellous, and Wait.

[aruanan]

Propecia and Sinutab???????????

Check out TyLenol in post 415.

[EllaMinnow]

I got out my old high school yearbook from the late 70s. Every other white girl was named either Debbie or Sharon. Most of the black girls had normal names, like Barbara, Carolyn, or Dianne. There were a few odd names, like Aquilina and Altimese, but they were very few.
I tend to think that, at any given time, about 50% of white parents will choose whatever name is in fashion, and the other 50% will use a Biblical or family name.

[mountaineer]

I really don't believe I'm a prejudiced person, but can't help but think that giving a child a name like Da'quandalon is a guaranteed ticket to nowhere.

[IowaHawk]

Whatever happened to good ol' meat-n-taters American truck stop names?

Boys: Gus, Chester, Darrell, Elmer, Vic, Norm, Lee Roy

Girls: Dorothy, Maybelle, La Verne, Velma, Lurleen, Toots

[rwfromkansas]

I am trying to remember the names of my fellow black classmates in HS (there were not many...the school fluctuated between being 95 and 96 percent white...lol....and this was just the previous school year I am talking about since I am college freshman. It seems that most of them had normal names, but the blacks we have here aren't the kind that wear African hats and such to try to "reclaim their proud heritage." They understand they are Americans, not Africans if they live here usually. Now, if I went to Wichita, I would probably have some difficulty with names. There are some African names I think are kind of beautiful actually, so it isn't like I am totally against this. But, when I get out of college and into the classroom, I will have a hard enough time trying to match the name to a kid. Trying to determine the pronunciation of a name will not make it any easier!

I am the only "Roy" from my entire HS and I think my entire college as well. This name has kind of faded away into nothingness...lol.