'Gay' Reaction to Mrs. Stachowicz’s Murder: Silence to Applause

'Gay' Reaction to Mrs. Stachowicz’s Murder: Silence to Applause 12/4/2002 By Allyson Smith

"I really don't feel sorry for her. She paid a very steep price for being an arrogant religious fascist. Too bad for her." – "Iris," in a posting on the ACLU Online Forum.

"Quite frankly, if anyone in this case was being ‘persecuted’ it was Mr. Gutierrez. Unfortunately for the victim this was a lesson that she learned too hard and too late. Maybe this will give pause to other people who similarly try to ‘help’ homosexuals." — "Silence Dogood," on ACLU Online Forum.

In the three weeks since Mary Stachowicz was murdered by homosexual Nicholas Gutierrez in Chicago, some pro-homosexualists have reacted with much more sympathy for the ‘gay’ killer than for his Christian victim. In fact, several even have gone as far as saying that Mrs. Stachowicz deserved to die for questioning the man’s lifestyle.

Predictably, the mainstream media and homosexual advocacy organizations have reacted to Mary Stachowicz’s murder the same way they did to 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising’s torture-murder at the hands of two homosexual men in 1999: by avoiding it. As of December 4, no formal condemnations of Mrs. Stachowicz’s murder have been issued by leading groups such as the Human Rights Campaign, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, or the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Soulforce, a group that works in churches to oppose the traditional Christian view of homosexuality, issued no press statement, but a spokeswoman did give a quote to The Washington Times:

"We condemn this murder, like we do all murders," said Laura Montgomery Rutt, spokeswoman for Soulforce. "A hate crime needs to have an intent to intimidate a whole class of people. If in this case, it was directed at this person and intended to intimidate Christians, that would be a hate crime in my mind."

A devout Catholic, Mary Stachowicz met her martyrdom while working at the Sikorski Funeral Home on Chicago’s northwest side, where she got to know Gutierrez, 19, who lived in a second-floor apartment above the funeral home. On the afternoon of November 13, Stachowicz attended Mass at St. Hyacinth parish across the street, then returned to the funeral home and went to visit Gutierrez in his apartment.

According to Chicago police, an argument broke out when Mrs. Stachowicz lectured Gutierrez about his lifestyle and his lack of direction in life. Gutierrez later told police that he had issues with his mother and that the way Stachowicz was talking to him gave him flashbacks of his mother that angered him.

When Stachowicz asked him, "Why do you [have sex with] boys instead of girls?" Gutierrez snapped. In a fit of rage, he punched, kicked, stabbed and strangled the 51-year-old wife and mother of four. Gutierrez then stuffed her body into a crawl space under the floor of his apartment, where it remained for two days until he confessed to police.

Family members were baffled by Stachowicz’s disappearance. They posted fliers in neighborhoods, and her daughter made a public plea for her safe return.

"My sister is very healthy. She's very stable. She has the closest family you can imagine," Stachowicz’s younger sister, Alice Kosinski, told NBC5.com. "Her faith would not allow for anything out of the ordinary."

After learning of Gutierrez’s confession, Stachowicz’s loved ones agreed that the circumstances of her murder were in keeping with her character. Kosinski told The Chicago Tribune, "Because she's so Catholic, there's no room for being gay in the Catholic Church."

Friend Mary Coleman said, "Those of us who knew her immediately hear her soft voice saying something like, 'God wouldn't approve of the way you're living your life.’ That's how Mary did things."

Rev. Francis Rog of St. Hyacinth Church told ABC 7 Chicago news, "She was a very intense person, concerned about the good of the parish, always seeking things for the poor as well as spiritual welfare for people."

Police recovered Stachowicz’s body on November 15 and charged Gutierrez two days later with first-degree murder, concealing a homicidal death, and burglary for attempting to steal money from Stachowicz’s purse.

Chicago local media reported these events, choosing headlines devoid of the words "gay" or "homosexual." In contrast, several homosexual publications – including Gay.com/PlanetOut.com, Gay People’s Chronicle, and the Washington Blade -- did use "gay" in their headlines.

Gay.com began running the story on November 19, a full week before the first mainstream news story appeared in The Washington Times.

The same day, National Review Online columnist Rod Dreher published a commentary titled These Victims Are People, Too" wherein he lamented "the deafening media silence around the savage murder of Mary Stachowicz" and speculated on its cause:

"One cannot help wondering if the upright citizens who report the news don't privately share the view of gay blogger James Wagner, who said of Stachowicz’s strangling:

The woman who did such great evil is dead, but unfortunately the evil and the church and the society which creates it is not, and it will continue to destroy Nicholas Gutierrez and many others. I shake, safely sitting here at home, fully understanding, and fully familiar with, the horrible impact her words must have had for a man already so terribly damaged by his society, and his own mother.

Dreher added, "I believe many, and probably most, journalists share the unspoken assumption that Christians bring such trouble on themselves."

That assumption appears to be shared by pro-homosexual cyber citizens. A search for "Mary Stachowicz" on message boards, e-mail lists, and Web logs (blogs) turned up several people who reacted viciously toward Stachowicz and Christianity.

For example, James Wagner’s boyfriend, Barry, expressed the hope on his blog that "maybe [Stachowicz’s murder] will strike fear in the hearts of a few fundamentalists" and then asked, "Where do I send a check for his (Gutierrez’s) defense fund?"

James and Barry’s statements drew the following response from fellow homosexual Michael Benedetto:

"I think that if gays are going to continue to have any credibility in politics, our sympathies in cases like this are going to have to lie first and foremost with the victims. And that's one upsetting thing about Barry's and James' posts: Until the criticism started to roll in, the only sympathy they expressed was for the wrong person."

Elsewhere, Benedetto wrote, "[Y]es, the woman (Stachowicz) was clearly a meddlesome b---- who didn't understand that the lives of her co-workers were none of her business. That does not make her any less the victim, or absolve her killer of any of his guilt."

Several posts implied that Stachowicz had brought on her own death. One man wrote to a Yahoo discussion forum, "It's Sad Someone Was Murdered, BUT... ...I do wish the Religious Wrong would learn to mind their own business."

"Iris" wrote to the ACLU Online Forum: "I am in no way condoning this man's behavior. Murder is murder. He should receive life or the death penalty for his actions. But one fact remains ... if she would have been minding her own [expletive] business instead of attempting to ram her religion where it didn't belong, none of this would have ever happened. I really don't feel sorry for her. She paid a very steep price for being an arrogant religious fascist. Too bad for her."

"Silence Dogood" agreed: "I won't go so far as to say that she deserved what she got, no one deserves to die, but I won't exactly be shedding any tears for her. Quite frankly, if anyone in this case was being 'persecuted' it was Mr. Gutierrez. Unfortunately for the victim this was a lesson that she learned too hard and too late. Maybe this will give pause to other people who similarly try to ‘help’ homosexuals."

Other discussions centered on the characteristics of hate crimes. "Real" hate crimes, explained ACLU Online Forum member "morningstar," must be like Matthew Shepard’s murder; they must be premeditated and target a group.

"KingFred" wrote to the MacAddict Forum: "Since (Gutierrez has) already admitted he did the crime, there's no question he should do the time. But ‘hate crime’? Don't see it here. He didn't go out to get himself a Christian. He did in a person who may have been berating him, using her Christian beliefs as ‘weapons'. That doesn't justify what he did by any means, but it may explain it."

Catholic League President William Donohue summed up the problems with hate crimes statutes as illustrated by Mary Stachowicz’s murder in a November 26 press release:

"A few thoughts on this matter: a) this (Mary’s murder) will not be listed as a hate crime, thus showing how useless this category of crime is; b) the killer is going to be charged with a capital offense, thus showing once again how useless this category of crime is; c) Mary Stachowicz will never be remembered the way Matthew Shepard is, thus showing how politically corrupt the whole concept of hate crime legislation really is. The fact is she was murdered for having a Catholic-informed conscience."

Others blamed the Roman Catholic Church for Stachowicz’s murder. On the Naked Writing blog, "JodyW" commented, "Gutierrez is responsible for what he did. So the RCC [Roman Catholic Church] is responsible for continuing to put forth a silly, stupid and factually wrong doctrine of ‘objective disorders’ and ‘intrinsic moral evil’ regarding homosexuality. For all that that evil that that doctrine has done and continues to do, they have a lot to be held accountable for."

Perhaps the cruelest comment of all was this from a San Francisco man on Yahoo: "The b---- had it coming to her. I'm glad he killed her. Too bad he'll probably spend the rest of his life in prison getting his little butt pounded, but still, I'm glad he killed her. The b---- deserved to die."

Mary Stachowicz, nee Frank, devoted wife of Jerry; beloved mother of Peter, Christopher, Angela (Louie) Ruffolo and Daniel; loving daughter of Agnes and the late Rudolf Frank; dear sister of Irene (John) Rog and Alice (Mark) Kosinski. Funeral Tuesday, 9:30 a.m., from Cumberland Chapels, 8300 W. Lawrence Ave., Norridge, to St. Hyacinth Church, Mass 11 a.m. Interment St. Adalbert Cemetery.

Four pages of condolences accompanied the obituary, where former classmates, co-workers and other family friends left messages of sympathy for Mary’s tragic demise.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that, after Mary’s death, Alderwoman Vilma Colom (35th) introduced a city council resolution in her memory. "She lost her life in an unselfish attempt to help a very disturbed young man, and for that she should be remembered," said Colom, who goes to the same church Stachowicz did.

Mary’s sister, Alice Kosinski, told the Chicago Tribune that her sister's death is difficult for everyone in her family to fathom.

"We're not doing that well," she said. "It just doesn't make any sense, and somehow we're going to have to make our peace with it."

we as Christians do make a deal. you people dont listen is the problem.

I go to church almost every Sunday (you want to know what kind of church, get an idea by looking at my profile... hint it isn't the first unitarian) and it is scarcely mentioned. It is a biblical commandment to minister comfort to Christians who are suffering, but Christian culture overall tends to be loath to complain about persecutions. It's remarkable how the New Testament is virtually bereft of such complaining (reporting yes, complaining no), when the early church could have easily followed the lead of the world and b*tched its head off about the matter.

She's not here to vouch for the accuracy of this quotation, . . .

She sure isn't.

Maybe she wasn't nagging and bossy, either.

We are all expected to take the murderer's word for what was said and how it was said. Do you suppose he might be putting his own actions in the best possible light?

It used to include homosexuality. By what rationale did that change, I wonder?

It changed because the board of psychologists that write the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders eventually had enough pro-homosexual members that it decided that it was no longer a mental illness. As of right now, they've been working towards determining that pedophilia is no longer a mental illness as well.

Maybe she wasn't nagging and bossy, either.

Maybe it's my own limited view, but I've noticed a lot of religious sour pickles in the Catholic system. Certainly this is not universal, but the unbiblical philosophy that salvation is a delicate, fragile thing ready to break like a thin crystal vase at the smallest evil thought (and requiring a visit to a human specialist to repair) certainly contributes to it.

The A.P.A. Normalization of Homosexuality, and the Research Study of Irving Bieber

Can't find a story with more details right off, but it appears that this decision was very engineered (and IIRC the pivotal vote happened at a late night special meeting attended by nobody but the activists and their sympathizers). Had the entire body of APA voted on this matter at that time, it would have gotten soundly nixed.

As this debate rages in this thread, you will see people resort to the Bible or the Catholic Catechism as support for the idea that homosexuality is a sin and should be suppressed. But these are essentially the same people and the same sources which supported the Inquisition, witch burning, and sectarian Christian wars in Europe. Do we really want to listen to their latest project? How did you get from saying Homosexuality is a sin to wars - what an amazing leap! To be honest that is a very emotive post with little to no rationale behind it.

Guess what homosexuality is sinful! Guess what also I do not wish to kill them, hurt them, even call them nasty names. I meet them on a daily basis - I work at a University. I would rather they change and obey God for their own sake.

God bless

Mel

God bless

Mel

The "bottom line" is that the set of thoughts and behaviors that go along with homosexuality and related abnormalities are, granted, sins -- but they are "not just" sins. They also represent a gaping hole that begs to be filled up, the way it should have been before Satan sucked it dry. The essential condition to filling the hole -- accepting the gift of God's infinite grace -- is very nonintuitive to someone whose mindset cannot move to a larger view than the mere issue of earthly morals. Martin Luther referred to said acceptance as justification by faith alone. The cross of Christ -- the eternity-sized work that He did there to bear the sins of the world -- is sufficient.

Just 'Mary Stachowicz murder'. The first two pages on google came up with four 'blog' type commentaries, one at jameswagner.com, one by someone called jodyb at nakedwriting.com, and one at ultrasparky.org, which referred to jameswagnet.com and two others.

Why do you think the situation (for lack of a better word) arisen regarding homosexuals? In other words, why has it become so hate filled?

OK, fair question. I think a large number of straight men have a rather visceral revulsion towards homosexuality. I haven't talked with straight women about this with the same frankness I've discussed it with my male friends, and I don't know if the revulsion is innate, or a result of experience, or even partly a result of fear or worries about their own sexuality; probably a combination of all of the above. And of course, most faiths, Christian or otherwise, teach also that homosexuality is wrong. Like most things people find disturbing, their first instinct is simply to ignore it. However, if forced to confront it by 'in your face' type behavior on TV, the other media or real life, people really will act on their revulsion. Thus the prevalence of the 'I don't care what goes on behind closed doors, but I don't want it out in public' attitude.

You missed my point. We only know suffering because we know happiness and pleasure. It is the opposition or contrast that allows us to distinguish between the two states. In your previous posts you stated (paraphrasing) "Christian Witnessing" was "evil". You can't know what evil is unless you know what "Good" is.

God wants us to KNOW the difference between good and evil and to consciously CHOOSE the good. You can't truly know the difference by merely reading about someone else's experience--you must experience it yourself. The natural man in us tends to look at life's problems as "unfair", but what would be truly unfair is to have life a guaranteed bowl of cherries. Come to think of it, isn't that what all liberals want (and are trying to force upon us)--a life guaranteed to be free of stress, pain, or misery? You can't develop strength of character without overcoming obstacles.

Just my 2 cents.

Guess what homosexuality is sinful!

Stating the obvious? :-) But in reality I think what we have going is that people think that because they have a strong drive to do something it must be natural. When of course the Bible says that naturally man is SINFUL. It doesn't mean that because you are sinful you are abnormal, you just need to get redeemed, like everyone else.

Of course, if you are unwilling to be redeemed and admit you're wrong and helpless to change, you make up excuses for your behavior.

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