Posted on 11/25/2002 9:10:52 AM PST by stainlessbanner
As if we did not have enough problems already what with fire ants, alligators and the inescapable fact that Katherine Harris is our new congresswoman, a new study has concluded that Florida is the fourth dumbest state in the nation.
Morgan Quitno Press, a Lawrence, Kan.,-based research and publishing company, determined which states were the smartest and dumbest by figuring the per capita number of pickup trucks flying Confederate flags multiplied by the number of people who use the word "bagel" as an adjective as in "That's a bagel bowl of grits you got there."
Actually, Morgan Quitno did no such thing. The company determined which states were the smartest and dumbest by measuring the quality of elementary and secondary education. (My way would have been easier, I bet, and probably would have yielded the same results.)
Criteria included such things as per-pupil expenditures, public high school graduation rates, average class size, teacher salaries and reading and math proficiency.
According to the 2002 rankings, Connecticut is the smartest state, followed by Vermont, Montana, New Jersey and Maine. The dumbest state, or 50th smartest state if you prefer, was New Mexico, followed by Louisiana, Mississippi, FLORIDA and Nevada.
This is the first time that Morgan Quitno has compiled a smartest state list, so it's impossible to tell if we're smarter or dumber than we were a few years ago. Contrary to all visual evidence, Florida is slightly more livable today than it was 11 years ago. A Morgan Quitno study of livability ranked Florida third from the bottom in 1991 (Mississippi was the worst) but promoted it to 39th best in 2002. (Minnesota was ranked the most livable state, which just goes to show that shoveling snow and frostbite are more fun than we thought.)
I'm not sure what we can do about our livability ranking other than putting the whole state under an air-conditioned dome, but I have some ideas on how we can move up the ladder in the smartness department.
For starters, we need to stop holding elections. It is one thing for our students to have low math and reading scores. It is another thing entirely to demonstrate to the world that we are too stupid to punch holes in pieces of paper. I realize that the last election was, by Floriduh standards, more or less trouble-free. Still, I don't think we can depend on future elections to run as smoothly. The people of my generation, the accursed Baby Boomers, are getting older and more whacked-out by the minute to the point that we are only a year or two away from confusing a ballot with an Early Bird Special. (It is unclear whether a dribble of mashed potatoes will count for the Republicans or the Democrats.)
We Floridians can also improve our smartness quotient by refusing to plant any more citrus trees in our backyards. We have far more citrus now than anyone can possibly eat, so planting more trees is just another signal to others that our lights are on but nobody's home. At this very moment, in my office, people are hauling in grocery bags full of oranges and grapefruits (mostly grapefruits) to give away to their co-workers. The problem is that the co-workers also have bags of citrus sitting on their desks that they hope to give away. In New York, when you're stopped at a traffic light, people appear unbidden and begin washing your windshield. In Florida, you stop for a traffic light and people appear unbidden and shovel tangelos and ruby-red grapefruit through your open window.
This sort of thing almost never happens in Connecticut, which could explain why it's the smartest state.
There has NEVER been any evidence linking money spent, smaller class size, or teacher salaries to improved test scores; in fact, Washington, D.C., which spends enormous sums of tax dollars on education, has one of the lowest ranks of student performance. North Dakota, which spends the least per student, has one of the highest.
The powerful teacher unions scream for more money and smaller classes, but they absolutely CANNOT back it up with scientific proof in the form of statistical evidence that it is warranted. Why these "criteria" would indicate that a state is "smart" is totally beyond any logic or reasoning. How is it "smart" to throw money at a disease when it does nothing to cure it? This whole piece if liberal claptrap.
Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Kansas, where creationism is
considered Big Science? And this company thinks Floridians
are dumb? Oh, man. It doesn't get any better than this.
I'm sure Richardson will address this when he takes over the governors office.
He will raise our taxes so he can start an English Immersion Program for disadvantaged Chihuahuas.
. He couldn't have made it without you guys. This person is just ticked off. You can skew numbers to come up with what you want. What is impressive is how the media and politicans "underestimated yall" They just knew your governor was going to lose. To let someone think you are dumb takes smarts. Our President is a great example of this. LOL CD
What do you want to bet that more weight was given to per-pupil expenditures, average class size, and teacher salaries than public high school graduation rates, and reading and math proficiency? And, why only look at public school graduation rates? Looks like someone has an agenda. ;)
Great example! So much for BS statistics like teacher salaries and class size.
This leaves more funds left for the people themselves, or the private schools they themselves set up to assist them, to get a really good education.
I wish we could cut what we DO spend in Fla in half, and be the first State in the country to have FEWER than 50% of our school-age population enrolled in the half-wit public school system.
Interesting that this "study" admittedly uses expenditures per pupil, average class size, and teacher salaries in its criteria -- factors that have been repeatedly and emphatically shown to have NO CORRELATION with learning or academic performance. A better study would have focused only on reading and math proficiency, and possibly graduation rates and college performance of high school graduates from the state.
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