Empty victory for a hollow man How Norm Coleman sold his soul for a Senate seat.

http://www.salon.com/politics/feature/2002/11/07/minnesota/index_np.html By Garrison Keillor

Nov. 7, 2002 | Norm Coleman won Minnesota because he was well-financed and well-packaged. Norm is a slick retail campaigner, the grabbiest and touchingest and feelingest politician in Minnesota history, a hugger and baby-kisser, and he's a genuine boomer candidate who reinvents himself at will. The guy is a Brooklyn boy who became a left-wing student radical at Hofstra University with hair down to his shoulders, organized antiwar marches, said vile things about Richard Nixon, etc. Then he came west, went to law school, changed his look, went to work in the attorney general's office in Minnesota. Was elected mayor of St. Paul as a moderate Democrat, then swung comfortably over to the Republican side. There was no dazzling light on the road to Damascus, no soul-searching: Norm switched parties as you'd change sport coats.

Norm is glib. I once organized a dinner at the Minnesota Club to celebrate F. Scott Fitzgerald's birthday and Norm came, at the suggestion of his office, and spoke, at some length and with quite some fervor, about how much Fitzgerald means to all of us in St. Paul, and it was soon clear to anyone who has ever graded 9th grade book reports that the mayor had never read Fitzgerald. Nonetheless, he spoke at great length, with great feeling. Last month, when Bush came to sprinkle water on his campaign, Norm introduced him by saying, "God bless America is a prayer, and I believe that this man is God's answer to that prayer." Same guy.

(Jesse Ventura, of course, wouldn't have been caught dead blathering at an F. Scott Fitzgerald dinner about how proud we are of the Great Whoever-He-Was and his vision and his dream blah-blah-blah, and that was the refreshing thing about Jesse. The sort of unctuous hooey that comes naturally and easily to Norm Coleman Jesse would be ashamed to utter in public. Give the man his due. He spoke English. He didn't open his mouth and emit soap bubbles. He was no suck up. He had more dignity than to kiss the president's shoe.)

Norm got a free ride from the press. St. Paul is a small town and anybody who hangs around the St. Paul Grill knows about Norm's habits. Everyone knows that his family situation is, shall we say, very interesting, but nobody bothered to ask about it, least of all the religious people in the Republican Party. They made their peace with hypocrisy long ago. So this false knight made his way as an all-purpose feel-good candidate, standing for vaguely Republican values, supporting the president.

He was 9 points down to Wellstone when the senator's plane went down. But the tide was swinging toward the president in those last 10 days. And Norm rode the tide. Mondale took a little while to get a campaign going. And Norm finessed Wellstone's death beautifully. The Democrats stood up in raw grief and yelled and shook their fists and offended people. Norm played his violin. He sorrowed well in public, he was expertly nuanced. The mostly negative campaign he ran against Wellstone was forgotten immediately. He backpedalled in the one debate, cruised home a victor. It was a dreadful low moment for the Minnesota voters. To choose Coleman over Walter Mondale is one of those dumb low-rent mistakes, like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich. But I don't envy someone who's sold his soul. He's condemned to a life of small arrangements. There will be no passion, no joy, no heroism, for him. He is a hollow man. The next six years are not going to be kind to Norm.

About the writer Garrison Keillor is the creator and host of the nationally syndicated radio show "A Prairie Home Companion," broadcast on more than 500 public radio stations nationwide. For more columns by Keillor, visit his column archive.

Because you all asked (don't shoot the messenger) . . .

First, let me say that I am a lifelong conservative, and member of this website since 1998. I've also been very involved in Minnesota politics, and know of what I speak. I also voted for Coleman, so I'm not just bashing him.

Coleman, as I've said on many threads previously here on FR, has been heavily rumored to have a zipper problem for years, particularly chasing after waitresses at the St. Paul Grill. I've discussed this with other elected Republican officials here in MN, and they have said the same thing.

Regarding Laurie, she was "sent" to California back in 1998 when Coleman was running for governor. She does not like politics, and there is nothing worse for a married male politician than to not have the wife by their side campaigning. She had work found for her by Republican operatives, and has stayed out there working. What the true nature of their relationship is, I don't really know - but look at Bill and Hillary, and don't think that doesn't happen to officials on both sides of the political spectrum.

Coleman is also not that conservative, aside from the tax and abortion issues, and will have votes that will leave you scratching your head. He is, at best, neutral on the homosexual issue, having initially signed the "homo-day" proclamation at least once while mayor, and, after losing the governor's race in 1998, hiring a known DemoRat transsexual to his staff (whether "it" is still there, I don't know). I remember a humorous incident during the 1998 primaries in St. Cloud, where one of the candidates running against Coleman was passing out copies of the "homo-day" proclamation, and witnessing two of his younger aides scurrying around attempting to pick them all up as soon as handed out or taped up.

In answer to the question of "why hasn't this come out", I can only say that Minnesota is a different place. Former Sen. Rod Grams was openly having an affair with his top aide after he was initially elected to Congress in 1992. In fact, his entire congressional staff quit over this, and split up to staff his two challengers in the Republican primary to the Senate in 1994 (of which I was a part of one of them). We were all told to keep quiet about it and not mention it during the campaign. It was well known that Rod's now-former wife (unlike Hutchinson, Grams waited two years after being elected to dump his wife, and didn't marry the aide until after his defeat) would never go out to Washington, and the aide would never come back to Minnesota. Could go on, but really quite sad. Suffice to say, this never made it out into the media, even after Rod's divorce. Also, former governor candidate Jon Gruenseth (he of the alleged swimming pool incident) was also carrying on an affair during his campaign, and also never reported. Same thing with several other Republican politicians. In sports, it's the same thing - aside from Randy Moss, malcontents are never written poorly about until after they retire/leave town. It's just the Minnesota way.

So there you have it. No hard proof about a zipper problem, but I've heard enough, and from credible people, to know that it is probably true. Their marriage is unconventional, at best, but again I wouldn't be surprised to hear that it is actually Clintonian in nature. Sorry to disappoint.

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