Posted on 10/20/2002 11:45:27 PM PDT by Snow Bunny
Dear Johnny,
Thank you so much for writing us at the Canteen. I sure hope your father would have loved the Canteen. Sir, it is an honor to have a person like yourself writing us. Thank you for sharing your father's brave service to America with all of us. I'm honored and your letter brought tears to my monitor for some strange reason. Bad monitor! God Bless you, Sir! May God protect you from our enemies!!
Dear HM1 James K.L,
I sure am glad you work at the Naval Hospital. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate the HM's at Portsmouth Naval Hospital. The corpsman are so friendly and most of them are very good with children. Especially those little brats that go to the hospital that scream, scream, and make you want to demand some Prozac for them when you see the doctor. Also, YOU DO NOT GET PAID ENOUGH to draw anyone's blood. UGH!! Thank you, HM1 James. You are doing such an admirable job for America. It's great to have warriors and it's wonderful to have people that can ensure that our troops are fit and rarin to go. God Bless you, sir!! May God keep you out of harms way.
Dear Charney, (What a cool name!!)
Duchess is awesome!!She's a wonderful addition to our Canteen home. We all love her. (Now if she and Ma would just work out the driving arrangements--we'd be set) Linda sure does know how to make you hungry, huh? She should stop that. I will alert the Canteen Food Thought Police that she's teasing you out there. I promise to make her eat TOFU for atleast a week. If not, we're shipping her out to you and you can share some of your "yummy"(Barf) food rations. That would teach her not to tease. Aren't you glad I'm here to right the wrongs. LOL! God Bless you soldier!! May God protect you while you fight on behalf of America.
Dear Joel,
Um, that chicken dance was pretty fun. Did you notice who had their groove on and who should have put the chicken head to cover themselves? LOL! We are thrilled that you wrote us today. After all, we would be so darn bored and we'd have to think of even more ridiculous dances to do. Obviously, you noticed I'm quite inept when it comes to Polka. UGH!! Thank you for your service to America. May God protect you and keep you from danger!
Dear Michael,
Hello sweet soldier! I'd ask how you are, but I'm sure you'd rather be here with me. After all, I'm scrounging in the Canteen Kitchen. (Whispering) Do not tell Snow Bunny and Linda that I ate all the Doritos. I also drank all the Pepsi. I was keeping a promise from last week. (No longer whispering..it's giving me a headache) Anyways, I am glad that you like my Ma. She's divine. As you've already noticed. You are so brillant! Anyways, the Canteen is always honored to have our troops coming in to lounge at all hours of the day. We are here to remind you that your life of bravery made possible this collective group of individuals who are silly, ridiculous at times, but absolutely love our troops. Thank you for writing, Michael. Thank the Z-Tar Posse for bringing you here. I'd give them a *SMOOCH*, but I'll save it for you..*SMOOCH*! God Bless you, Michael! May God protect you while you are protecting our country from imbeciles who want to murder all of us.
Dear Mark,
Thank you for writing us. We are really glad you love Jen's quizzes. She has awesome quizzes, huh? I do really well with quizzes. (Whispering) Especially with the help of tmprincesa. She's a whiz. (Ugh! I am not whispering anymore) I'm so glad that you think we are fun. Where else could you go in the world and learn that chicken dances are cool and the more dysfunctional we are..the better. How about that? Thank you for writing us, Mark. God Bless you for your service to America. May God protect you!
Dear Scully & The Pirates,
That was such a beautiful poem. Thank you very much for sending it. Awesome! Awesome! I could write a book to all of you, but I'll spare you the agony. It is so wonderful to know that you guys just love coming back to see what outrageous and goofy things we have in store for you. Please keep coming back and I'm sure we will have topped whatever outrageous behavior from the day before. I'm so proud of all of you wonderful, Sailors!! God Bless each and every one of you!! May God keep you safe!!
To Our Allies:
God Bless each and every one of you! Thank you for serving alongside America. It has been a really difficult year, but it is made better knowing that we have such honorable, noble, and courageous Allies.
Also, to our Aussie Allies:
We mourn with your beautiful country. The atrocities done to your civilian population was horrendous, unexcusable, and cowardly. We stand shoulder to shoulder with you. We will get those idiots!! We will!!
To Our Israeli Allies:
Our hearts are heavy this night. Another day and night has seen the bloody stains of hatred that was instilled upon the Palestinians from birth. The evildoers are in your backyard, grocery stores, neighbors, or any other place that you venture in Israel. God Bless all of you for your courage to live your lives and not be bogged down by fear. There are many in America that could take that lesson right now. God Bless all of you in Israel.
Thanks kiddo.
Troops! Here's some useless news that you probably haven't heard about while you are fighting terrorists around the world.
First, Michael Moore's new movie "Bowling for Columbine" has been released to the public. Aren't we all fortunate. While you fight and die for our freedoms, this "stupid, white male" is out amongst the people complaining about corporate fraud and he demands GUN CONTROL. I'm wondering what part of GUN CONTROL he feels you may need. LOSER!
They caught him! Then they didn't! They need him to call!! Damn it, just shoot the Sniper and be done with it. Although, they've got to find him first. So? Nothing has changed. Your taxpaying dollars still wither away at the hands of Maryland and DC's finest. Good grief.
Woody Harrelson has taken time off from his butt kissing of Larry Flynt and support of Legalizing Marijuana to tell the world that he's ashamed to be American. That's kind of funny. I'm ashamed he's American too. What a coincidence. LEAVE NOW!
Here's an oxymoron for you: A French Soldier is missing and the French government thinks he's the Sniper here in America. If there wasn't enough reasons to hate the French. Now this. Maybe he'll wave a white flag when he drives by the next time yelling "I SURRENDER", "I SURRENDER".
Newsflash Troops!! Florida is having problems with their voting machines again. I'm telling you..it isn't the machines. It's the people operating them.
Bruce Springsteen is heeling the wounds between Germany and America with a concert. Gag me! I don't want to heal anything with Germany. Just send us the beer and be gone. That's it!
Jesse "The Body" Ventura may resign early. Gosh, he's 4 years too late for that.
That's it for the Roundup of Useless News Tidbits.
God Bless All Of You!!
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