Democrats grow meat in a vat to replace Torricelli on the ballot

9/30/02 | dead

[dead]

A group of Democratic political scientists are growing a pile of artificial meat in a drum in Rahway, New Jersey, grooming the meat as their final hope to save the Senate from the horror of Republican control.

Using collagen particles and human muscle cells taken from "certain people who were not friendly" to the state’s construction industry, the Democrats have grown 275 pounds of the viscous meat/senator substitute.

"The product will have a structure and IQ comparable to the mean average of the current Senate membership.”

The political scientists say pork, beef and chicken meat have also been added to the mix. “We would like to have a product that can pat himself repeatedly on the back with his hoof, while still accepting piles of cash with one of his wing like limbs.

While the effort to get the meat/senator substitute on to the ballot faces many hurdles, the scientists have already started filming campaign commercials for their product. “We’ve selected ‘Not Forrester. Not Torricelli. Just Meat.’ as our slogan.

The lump of meat is apparently pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-education, and full of vitamins and proteins.

“We see no reason our meat product can’t be elected. It's got the correct positions on the issues, and if you look at it in the right light, our lump of meat has a strong resemblance to the Kennedy family. Well, Ted anyway.”

[kezekiel]

"This candidate may not look like much, but he won't cut your social security, like those nasty Republicans...This November, vote Democrat for Senate. Remember: Our beef in Congress means more pork for you."

[philetus]

He was bringing tears to my eyes when he was talking about how much he loves the Constitution.

[okie01]

Semi-believable. And, thus, pointed satire.

You are referred to the ingredient label on several East Texas hot links. As in "Contains...cows lips, udders and other beef parts"...

[jrewingjr]

'RAT: The other white meat.

[TransOxus]

The only vat and media the Rats use will be the multicultural pisspot.

[henbane]

A group of Democratic political scientists are growing a pile of artificial meat in a drum in Rahway, New Jersey, grooming the meat as their final hope to save the Senate from the horror of Republican control.

So far the Dem scientists can't produce anything but a heavy pork-like product that squeals and whines when exposed to sunlight.

[L,TOWM]

That would be

Liberals, The Other White Meat

Use the proper terminolgy, FRiend. ;-)

[rvoitier]

"Don't laugh. Thats how we wound up with Nadler."

When do they expect it to fully develop?

[Saundra Duffy]

LOL!

[sheik yerbouty]

" All these years, I've been disguised as Donna Shalala!

[Eccl 10:2]

Look out for pork-barrel legislation from the pork-barrel legislator.

[South40]

They’d have enough fat for three candidates if they did liposuction on nadler’s jowls.

[southernnorthcarolina]

A meat-like substance grown in a vat?

It's been done...

[Caipirabob]

I put nothing beyond the Dims these days.

Tor in 2002!

[Focault's Pendulum]

Having read read the vat meat thread..I'm wondering how we exactly do ribs...and start all over again.

Just being a bit esoteric

[bert]

I love it....Rat VAM

[Notforprophet]

[OldFriend]

Actually they are cultivating dung.......stolen from Iowa!

[Tom Bombadil]

'Reminds me of a Dave Berry (sp?) column where he describes the French army surrendered to a pound of hamburger.

[pankot]

I respectfully disagree: I believe they are growing a batch of $h-t, using Kennedy crap as a starter along with some Daschle slime.