Posted on 09/19/2002 10:43:03 AM PDT by Nataku X
Hello Freepers, I am a new, full-time graduate student in a masters' computer science student.
Due to the nature of my disability, I cannot keep up at all during lecture. This school does not provide the same services I used to get through undergraduate school (and no school that I know of offering a MS in Computer Science provides this service).
Homework and projects have not been a problem, and book material has not been a problem. However, in 3 out of my 4 classes, roughly 1/3 of the grade comes from the midterm, 1/3 of the grade comes from the final, and only 1/3 comes from the programming projects/homework.
In short, I am very scared about my grades. There are no quizzes and no other tests, so I have no idea what to expect from the professor until midterm day--and I am guessing that a good portion of the midterms/finals depend on what is being said in lecture.
In short, all these fears of being forced to drop out has came on the top of sometimes-overwhelming depression, and I'm not doing so great these days. Just please pray for me, I don't know who else to turn...
As to depression, you do need to do something about it. I am not and do not pretend to be a shrink but do know from personal experience that the farther you go down, the farther it is back up. Your plea is evidence that you are down. Seek help--there are I would bet community programs/church groups/hotlines or whatever to turn to. Exercise and diet too. Look for help now on the depression front.
As to lectures and difficulties in "keeping up", you speak of a disability and lack of help. Have you tried study groups with fellow students? Even though you may be in a competitive field, there are still people with hearts out there and I would think that if you made a plea with a fellow student that seemed receptive, he or she would help. I know. I was in a post graduate program where my group of four included one from the top of the class and two failing students. Both passed. You will too. Worry does nothing but cause stress. Think positive and do all you can. It is not the end of the world regardless what happens. Best of luck and let us know how it goes....
Dropping out due to your "fears?" - It is time to grow up. You may try, you may even fail (sometimes miserably). So what? - get back up and try again.
Theodore Roosevelt is famous for many things among which are his words of wisdom. Listed below, in no particular order, are some quotes worthy of your review.
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat"
"It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds."
"There is no disgrace in failure, only in a failure to try."
"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well." - Des Moines, Iowa, November 4, 1910
If not, did you speak to the professors you have - or make an appt with the head of the depts?
In academia, I would think they would be especially sensitive to people who have disabilities.
Also, you are very concerned about not knowing your grades and what is expected till midterms etc...but you should know that in LAW SCHOOL there is often only ONE TEST for some courses - the FINAL TEST. And you could attend every class, and think you know the material, and be expected to face a completely unknown type of test for your ONLY GRADE.
I am not saying that is fair, but that is true...
At the masters level, I know expectations can be higher - but just think of how much you have accomplished already. Sometimes we don't stop and think about what we can be proud of....(we usually just worry about measuring up)
Hopefully you will get good advice from other Freepers and of course prayers to help you get over this bump in the road ...
Good Luck :)
With all due respect, 2banana, if Nakatu is clinically depressed, your suggestion is misguided.
Depressed people often can't "get back up and try again" no matter how hard they try.
I know because I was there once and depression can be a hell that only other depressives can comprehend.
Think of sitting in a movie theater, terrified as you watch a horrifying scene unfold.
Now, imagine if that feeling never stops....at any time....no matter what....imagine of living minute-to-minute in the real world in that state of mind.
That's what depression can be like.
Nakatu, my prayers are with you.
In grad school, I had a few classes in which note-taking was a make-or-break activity. I found it very helpful to use a small tape recorder to record the lecture. After class, I would listen to the tape (sometimes more than once), and fill in points I had missed in my notes. Once they were in draft form, I sat down at the computer and typed them up, and did any charts, graphs, etc in Excel or PowerPoint, and pasted them in the finished document. Having them typed was helpful at midterm and finals, but the real value of this activity was that, by the time I was done typing the material, I knew it, thoroughly and completely.
It's very time intensive, but it worked for me - And it sure beats trying to cram a quarter's worth of Economics of International Trade on the night before the final.
1) Sign language is a horrible medium for English communication in general, and especially for technical classes. Don't have the time to look up the URL now but there is a page on Galladuet's website says that the average reading level of deaf adults are around 4th grade (and knowing many other deaf people I believe it).
Sign language is beautiful but a bane to a quality education and to the "real world"--by the time I translate the ASL translation back into English, it winds up making not much sense at all, especially if the interpreter doesn't have the faintest idea what computer terms mean and confuse words like "distributed objects" and "distribution" in general.
2) I used a very narrow, specific service to get around sign language in high school and in college--instead of ASL, someone transcribed the conversation using C-Print. This way, I was able to take my own notes and such, and made top grades this way. However, this is a very rare service and not covered under law AFAIK.
Hope this clears things up. Thank you--I am going to go down to the disability service for graduates office right now and talk to them about this.
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