USO Canteen FReeper Style....Childrens Art to our Troops....July 23,2002

Don't be chasing me around with a featherduster now . . .

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils

Back in the days when I ran a breeding and boarding kennel, I also had a few other varmints around, the usual formerly domesticated skunks and ferrets, a badger, a Christmas-present beaver, and assorted other varmints. When the sweet little old lady manager of a nearby exotic pet shop called one afternoon to see if I could provide some animals for a church/school student's production of the Noah's Ark story, I offered to rent a pair of weasels at a very reasonable rate.

And ever since then, have been thought by some folks as the Leasor of Two Weasels....

I know, I know...the constitution prohibits Titles of Nobility for US citizens. Darn.

-archy-/-

Oh, Mr. Magoo! Coochie....coochie.....coo! I want to tickle you! :))))

How to be Annoying

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

Drive half a block.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

Click Here for tons more hilarious
fun pages at WebForwards.com

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Post How to be Annoying links on your favorite thread!

They Better be, TomKow!

hehehehehehehehe

Hi, Misty! You have Canadian relatives too?

I have relatives in Canada, My Mom's Brothers and a sister. and a whole slought of cousins! I'm PROUD of them all too.

You're not annoying! You're so cute!

You laugh, Funny Man! Wait til I get home and I can post graphics! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

She tells that to ALL the guyz!

GRRRRRRRRRR!

It's a working lunchtime for me: read a post, do some work, read a post, do some work, refresh, do a LOT of work, etc....

Thank you two so much for all the "stuff" you bring to the Canteen. Your graphics and skills are wonderful. And the sharing and caring is outstanding and much appreciated.

Bribery!

hehehe! Thanks. Howdy, Miss Clara !

Hi. Kathy! Off. Tonkin didn't get you last night, did he?

LOL!

Howdy, Meekie!

Thanks guys for the most wonderful history lessons. I fall in the same category as several others, not liking history in school. But these lessons are just wonderful!

Hi Misty! I thought you were coming to Minnesota. A front moved through and it's now lovely with temps in the upper 70's and low dew points.

If so, you better hurry, because with MN weather... it's subject to change without notice.

Time Out: 15:30
KMG-365