Palestinian bomb cat picture shocks civilised world

The Rockall Times ^ | Kieren McCarthy

[Texaggie79]

Israel reveals evidence of menagerie of hate

by Kieren McCarthy

The civilised world recoiled in disgust as a horrifying photo of a Palestinian kitten dressed as a suicide bomber was released by Israel yesterday.

It is said to have been found at a militant's home in the West Bank city of Hebron and appears to be genuine. And it is a bleak new symbol of despair in the turmoil of the Middle East. The cat wears a belt of explosives and two bandoliers of bullets.

The Israeli army, which released the picture, says it was found during a search. There were suspicions that it might be part of Israel's propaganda war. But suicide animals are the new heroes of the Palestinian struggle for their own homeland.

The kitten's owners would have trained and brainwashed the feline freak to wear the red bandana and explosives — originally containing nothing more dangerous than sweetcorn — and then at a given moment, lick its genitals to set off the device. The kitten could have no idea of the consequences of its actions until it was too late.

Israeli troops report an increasing incidence of suicide animals, with cats the greatest feared of them all thanks to their agility and ability to climb walls. Just last week, three soldiers were killed when a cow with a hidden landmine in its udder rolled underneath an armoured personnel carrier. And on 10 June, nine were injured, including a man, when a seagull dive-bombed into a hotel foyer.

"It's getting worse," Israeli army lieutenant Archie Sighcoe told us. "Now we have to shoot all animals as well as women and children." Meanwhile, moderate president Ariel Sharon has called on Yasser Arafat to either destroy or reveal the whereabouts of Hamas' zoos and menageries — or pay the price.

[Optimist]

If the "satire" had been that US intelligence was reporting that animals (and I use that term literally here) were trained to commandeer the planes used to attack and destroy the WTC would you think it just as funny?

[archy]

Put this with the "bonsai cat" and there isn't a safe place for felines on this planet! (Outside of the USA, that is, where we treat our pets better than we do our children).

The mined dogs that the Russians used against German tanks during WWII might disagree. And the Israelis have used something similar against terrorists holed up inside buildings and caves.

Of course, dogs are more practical for such things, since they can carry a larger charge, are more easily trained, and have more of a desrire to please their human friends than do the more-suspicious felines.

But the Russians really should have trained their pooches by feeding them under captured German tanks, rather than their own....

-archy-/-

[Sally II]

Of course, Palestinian kitties are driven to such drastic and deadly acts of terrorism because of hopelessness, lack of kitty litter, poverty, and oppression. They still hold the deads to the dark hovels that once belonged to their grand daddies, but are now possessed by the Jews. Part of their rage is due to the fact that their fellow Palestinian kittens are frequently murdered and their blood is being used as a binding ingredient in matzo balls. Allah has promised premium heavenly awards for all kitties willing to martyr themselves for the cause of Palestine: The Koran promises that heaven is filled with pure, white streams of milk, sunlit window sills to relax under at every corner, fresh catnip, and 70 virgin Tom cats waiting on paw and foot on his every need.

[Illbay]

You inhuman CAD!!!

[3catsanadog]

Hissssssss . . . .

3cats

[Texaggie79]

I still love you, even though you are f'ed up. :)

[Austin Willard Wright]

Playing the anti-semite card a la Al Sharpton who always plays the race card and just about as believable

[Texaggie79]

As of now, maybe not, but at least by next year.

[2Trievers]

This thread has the potential to go on for days and days ... it's GREAT! &;-)

[kinsman redeemer]

I showed the pic to a guy in the office. He said, "The People for the Ethanol Treatment of Animals would not be happy with this!"

We both had a laugh over his faux pas.

[Texaggie79]

how punny

[Optimist]

alright, maybe anti-semite was a bit strong....
shortsighted....
blinded....
oblivious.....

[tacticalogic]

The "dog bomb" might work. The "cat bomb" is a non-starter. As soon as you get it wire up and want it to go out, it won't.

[Austin Willard Wright]

OK, those are legit claims. Now...there are certainly anti-semites who oppose Israeli policy (just as their racists who oppose affirmative action) but generalizations in either case don't hold water.

[PsyOp]

Yup. I especially like the one about the land-mine in the cow's udders. Likewise, never trust a cat. They are out to take over the world! They mean to enslave us all!

[Reactionary]

Yes, the kittens of Palestine act out of complete and utter hopelessness. There are few couches to lounge on, few bottles of milk, the kitty litter been confiscated by the IDF, and the dogs have been trained by some fringe Jewish terrorist group to kill kittens on sight. Even the birds have been put in Jewish zoos for decades.

And out of their despair comes the flower of kitten Jihad!

[Michael.SF.]

"The Koran promises that heaven is filled with pure, white streams of milk"

Damn! And me being lactose intolerant!

[Optimist]

If the "satire" had been ... the WTC would you think it just as funny?

As of now, maybe not, but at least by next year.

Unless there were additional attacks maybe? Hmmm?

And you think it should be any different for people who DAILY face the possibility that the car pulling up next to their bus or bus stop might explode? The concept of programming children (and oh yeah wouldnt it be funny if we made fun of the Israeli fear of innocents by joking about cats) TO HATE their neighbor and destroy themselves by sending nails and screws dipped in rat poison (just because an explosion wont kill enough elderly, mothers, school children and babies in strollers) into whatever target is convenient is good satire.

But then, that was almost a week ago. Surely the Jews cant still be sensitive about that, right? Why should the defenders of Israel get upset about ancient history. Besides its a fact of life (well not life, maybe) over htere and if the Jews want to live there thats just the way it is. Now why dont they stop making up all this stuff about terrorists and just leave, huh?

I'll repeat what I said earlier:

the intended ridicule is against Israels intelligence gathering and evidenciary exhibits, and its attacks aginst the harborers of terrorists, not the suicide programming of innocents.

The humor in good satire is in its recognizable truth. The humor from this British source escapes me as does most of the positions the British press has taken regarding Israel.

[Texaggie79]

But it's still funny...... imagine that.

[muleboy]

The humor in good satire is in its recognizable truth.

Thanks for explaining why I am laughing so hard. This one hits on all counts. The Israelis, Palies, and Cats.