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Wedded bliss not a priority for U.S. bachelors (because they enjoy a sexually active single life)
Washington Times ^ | 6/26/02 | Cheryl Wetzstein

Posted on 06/26/2002 8:38:38 AM PDT by truthandlife

Edited on 07/12/2004 3:54:58 PM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]

Men won't commit to marriage because they enjoy a sexually active single life in a social climate that doesn't push them to marry, a new report says. Young men are indeed "commitment phobic," which is bad news for young women who want build a family before they get too old, said researchers Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe, who run the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. "The median age of first marriage for men has reached 27, the oldest age in our nation's history," Mr. Popenoe said. "If this trend of men waiting to marry continues, it is likely to clash with the timing of marriage and childbearing for the many young women who hope to marry and bear children before they begin to face problems associated with declining fertility," he said. There are several specific reasons for why young men are avoiding marriage, Mr. Popenoe and Mrs. Whitehead said yesterday in their 2002 State of Our Unions report, titled, "Why Men Won't Commit: Exploring Young Men's Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage." The report is based on interviews with 60 single men, 25 to 33, who live in four parts of the country. Primarily, young men are enjoying a sexually active single life

(Excerpt) Read more at washtimes.com ...


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To: truthandlife
I have one thing to say to all involved in this study, particularly the interviewees: sex with oneself doesn't count.
201 posted on 06/27/2002 12:24:51 PM PDT by RichInOC
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To: xsrdx
They call it the most expensive real estate!
202 posted on 06/27/2002 12:27:11 PM PDT by philosofy123
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To: LibertarianLiz
I have often wondered about that "50%" number. Do you know what the divorce rate is among first-time marriages?

Divorce rate statistics are tricky to pin down, because they vary widely with region, the age of the marrieds, and the length of the marriage. According to census statistics, for example, marriages where one or both of the couple are under 20 years old have a whopping 85% divorce rate. However, marriages where a couple has been together for more than 25 years have less than a 10% divorce rate, and when the marriage lasts over 30 years, the numbers drop to less than 1%. Divorce rates also drop dramatically as people mature. The divorce rate of 21 and 22 year olds is double that of 24 and 25 year olds...just a few extra years of maturity makes a big difference.

Divorce rates have also been FALLING since the 1970's. While the national average is down about 2% since 1979, that number hides some interesting regional trends. In parts of the south, the midwest, and the rural areas of the western states, divorce rates have dropped by an average of 30% over the last few decades. These numbers are countered by urban divorce rates that have remained steady or risen slightly, but they demonstrate the amazing regionality of divorce numbers.

We also have to include a snippet about ethnicity here. Blacks, though statistically less likely to marry in the first place, are twice as likely to have a lifelong marriage than whites when they actually do settle down. Hispanic couples, probably due to the large number of devout Christians therein, are 30% more likely than whites to have a long, happy marriage.

Oh, and couples who go to church are 95% more likely to have a stable, long-term marriage. Even if the couple aren't particularly devout, the unifying experience of visiting church regularly and the availability of clergy to assist with marital problems makes those marriages far more likely to succeed.

So, the final numbers: A 19 year old, white, non-religious couple in a major urban area is looking at a 90+% chance of divorce the first time around. A black, Christian couple in their late 20's living in a rural area are looking at a sub-30% divorce rate. Your actual national average, nullifying both extremes, averaging the races and locations, and excluding remarriages, should end up in the lower 40% range. I've spent 30 minutes digging through studies, Census data, and NCHS research to compile this, but I'm not going to spend the hours needed to compile a more specific number for you :-)

Oh, and for the record: I am a 27 year old married man, with a 26 year old wife and two children. We've known each other since we were kids, and after half a lifetime of knowing each other and four years of marriage, no major problems have popped up. I thank God for her every day, and shake my head when I hear so many of my peers denigrating marriage or just assuming that it's "all about sex".

203 posted on 06/27/2002 12:27:27 PM PDT by Arthalion
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To: Arthalion
Thanks for your post. I was looking and looking for this article and couldn't remember the keywords. It popped up again, thanks to you. I even looked through my history file , but it wasn't there because I've been reinstalling my Netscape.
204 posted on 06/27/2002 12:33:00 PM PDT by Aliska
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To: nightdriver
Couple this with the feminists attitude, like that stated by Gloria Stienem - "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," and it could make any man back away from codifying a relationship with marriage.

Yes. The lesser known counterpart to Steinem's proverb is "A man needs a woman like a fish needs a gillnet."

205 posted on 06/27/2002 12:33:30 PM PDT by ctonious
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To: rockprof
Exactly - I keep hearing all these young women complaining about men who won't commit - even trying to get their boyfriends into therapy. When young women get together and decide they aren't going to give it away anymore, men will suddenly find themselves able to commit. Amazing that so many women find themselves raising children alone or aborting their own child but still don't get it.
206 posted on 06/27/2002 12:34:20 PM PDT by Let's Roll
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To: Sloth
I'm 41, and I want kids, so it's already too late to find someone my age.

I'm hoping to find a 25 year old history buff.


207 posted on 06/27/2002 12:42:35 PM PDT by Tony in Hawaii
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To: freeeee
So why would any sane man voluntarily enter such an unjust contract? Marriage law must be reformed, or men will continue to shun it. The unjustness of marriage law undermines marriage as an institution. If things continue unreformed, marriage may become a relic of the past.

Amen brother. I've always believed in voting with your feet. I have zero sympathy for the mess they've created for themselves. Marriage a thing of the past? Boo-frikkin'-who. They created the problem, and they can live alone with the consequences. By the way, check out South America, Europe and the ex-Soviet Union. Because once you go, mac - you don't go back.

208 posted on 06/27/2002 12:50:21 PM PDT by ctonious
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To: truthandlife
A woman's ability to get pregnant drops considerably after age 35, and by age 40 half her eggs are chromosomally abnormal, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

I knew a young lady who got married in her early twenties to a man who has led a successful career as a patent attorney. She said at the time that she didn't want any children, she wanted to focus on her career. Well, her own career went nowhere, and then in her late thirties, she decided to have children after all. The first one was normal, but the second, born after she turned forty, has Down's Syndrome and life-threatening heart problems.

If our society didn't look down so much on motherhood, if she had been informed of the much-higher genetic risks to the child of giving birth after the mother turns forty, well, things might have been different.

Please don't accuse me of insensitivity here. Nor should you accuse me of saying that the Down's Syndrome child should not be welcomed and loved. But there was a greater opportunity for her second child to have been born without genetic defect -- if she had had that child ten years earlier, or even five.

There is no need to berate her about this. She probably thinks about it every day. Now.

As for writing this here, I hope people will read these words and convey to younger women who are considering postponing child birth: please be aware about the harm you might bring upon your children, by delaying past appropriate child-bearing age.

209 posted on 06/27/2002 12:51:22 PM PDT by JoeSchem
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To: Tony in Hawaii
I'm 41, and I want kids, so it's already too late to find someone my age. I'm hoping to find a 25 year old history buff.

Dust off your passport. American woman are known as the most demanding of any country. Conversely, American men are universally appreciated because of what they have to put up with. :^)

210 posted on 06/27/2002 12:55:22 PM PDT by ctonious
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To: ctonious
I dunno. I may be too old to learn Russki. :)

All I know are "Da" "Nyet" and "Stolichnaya."
211 posted on 06/27/2002 1:12:46 PM PDT by Tony in Hawaii
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To: Inge_CAV
Thanks for the offer BTW.
212 posted on 06/27/2002 1:23:15 PM PDT by weikel
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To: truthandlife
I am sure somewhere in the 200+ replies to this thread it's already stated, but just let add:

WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a girl that's a secretary where I work that has been living with a man for almost 8 years and is DYING for an engagement ring and is wondering why she hasn't gotten one yet..........GEE I WONDER!! Oh the control it takes not to smack her upside the head...............

213 posted on 06/27/2002 1:26:50 PM PDT by lawgirl
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To: Tony in Hawaii
I'm 41, and I want kids, so it's already too late to find someone my age.

Women marrying across an age gap of 15+ years are most likely looking for a guy who is financially well off, who looks like George Clooney, is a celebrity, or some combination of the three. If you fit into any of those categories your chances of finding a much younger wife are pretty fair.

The alternative is to marry closer to your age, likely with a once-married woman. You can always adopt - either her children (lots of single women your age with kids) or through an agency.

214 posted on 06/27/2002 1:42:51 PM PDT by Denver Ditdat
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To: Arthalion
Wow! Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply --- and the time you spent compiling it. I always thought the 50% figure a little too convenient and that it probably had more to do with the laziness of the media than with the actual figures. Thanks again for the info.
215 posted on 06/27/2002 4:53:49 PM PDT by LibertarianLiz
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To: Phantom Lord
My 10th grade biology teacher once told the class, and directed it at the guys, that if you have a girlfriend and down the road want to get married get to know the mother. She will turn into her mother.
It seems to be a fairly true statement

Honestly ladies, who here has not turned into their mother?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder if this applies to guys as well.
I have seen this in many cases.....alcoholism, the beer guts, bald heads, laziness, domestic abuse etc. of the fathers.
I better compare every man to their father from now on.
Do you think that is really fair?
216 posted on 06/27/2002 5:36:54 PM PDT by MadisonA
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To: Denver Ditdat
I have the utmost respect for a man who can raise another man's kids as his own. I'm not up to it, myself.
217 posted on 06/27/2002 7:12:33 PM PDT by Tony in Hawaii
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To: MadisonA
I wonder if this applies to guys as well.
I have seen this in many cases.....alcoholism, the beer guts, bald heads, laziness, domestic abuse etc. of the fathers.
I better compare every man to their father from now on. Do you think that is really fair?

It's pretty well established that certain physical traits are passed down from generation to generation. Alcoholism seems to be more prevalent in families with a prior history of excess drinking. Observing a lazy or abusive father for 18 years may also influence how a young man conducts his affairs later in life. Yeah, I'd say there is some truth there.

Good genes are passed along as well. I'm fortunate to have a full head of (albeit graying) hair at 41, an age when many of my contemporaries are fretting over their thinning or nonexistant cranial coverings. Examples of a life well-led also seem to have an effect on a man's dealings with a spouse, children, and co-workers once he has left home.

I would have been slightly annoyed at age 18 had anyone compared me to my dad. Two decades plus later, I take it as a supreme compliment.

218 posted on 06/27/2002 9:36:02 PM PDT by Denver Ditdat
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To: truthandlife
Why buy the goat when the cheese is free?

219 posted on 06/27/2002 9:52:58 PM PDT by apochromat
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To: apochromat
Ummmm .... Why buy the whale when the blubber is free?
220 posted on 06/27/2002 9:56:42 PM PDT by apochromat
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