Posted on 06/10/2002 10:50:40 AM PDT by Redcloak
This is the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I've seen a number of people here asking for prayer from other believers. Scripture tells us that this is what we should do in times of crisis; pray one for another. I never thought that I'd be the one having to write a post like this. I need your prayers for myself and my family.
Thursday was the worst day of my entire life. My wife and I were expecting our son to be born next week via Caesarean section. It was scheduled for Wednesday the 12th. My wife went for a last checkup before the birth that afternoon. At that exam, the doctor could not locate a heartbeat. After a we got him out, we could see that he had gotten twisted and tangled in his umbilical cord. My son Forrest had died before he could be born.
I've seen countless news stories about people losing children. Despite having a daughter (She's 5) of my own, I could never imagine the pain that a parent would feel at such a time. I would tried to empathize by asking myself "what if" questions, but I'd find that my mind wouldn't want to go there. I'd shudder and slam that line of thought shut before I went to far and began to get an idea of what terrible things lie in that place. I suppose that the mind won't let you go there because subconsciously you know it's too awful to look at. Now I'm there in that horrible place. I never imagined one could feel such sorrow and pain.
However, in the midst of this great pain, I have had great joy as well. I know that my son is with the Lord right now. I know that he's experiencing joy and happiness far beyond what any of us can imagine. And I wouldn't begrudge him an instant of it. I know that God has a plan for each of our lives. We all have a role to play in His plan. Forrest completed his role and he's gone home. But still, the grief overwhelms me at times. I'll see something of his, a toy or a piece of clothing, and the tears return. I can't begin to describe how much I'll miss him.
There's something else I've learned in all of this pain. However much this hurts me, it hurts God worse. We cannot truly comprehend how much God loves us. And we do not realize how thoroughly he knows what we think and feel. He knows what's happening deep in our souls better than we do. God knows the true extent to which I am hurting. I know that the mind will play little tricks on itself to prevent some traumas from being felt full force and that these little tricks are dulling my pain. I'm not seeing all that there is to see of it. But God is aware of the pain's true magnitude and His love for us magnifies His pain.
I'm trying to keep focused on where Forrest is now; not how he was on Thursday. I need your prayers asking God to help me to keep in the right frame of mind; to not drift off into thoughts of the past. I'm also asking that you pray for my wife. As bad as my pain is, hers is worse. I also need God's guidance in how to help her. I keep remembering the look of panic she had in her eyes as the doctor searched in vain for a heartbeat and how awful I felt not being able to do anything about it for her. Lastly, I ask that you pray for my daughter. At times she talks about how her brother is with God. At other times, she talks how "the doctors are making Forrest better." I cannot tell is she is truly having trouble dealing with this or if it's simply a 5 year old's imagination at work. My wife and I both need God's help in guiding her through this.
Yes, and I join with all the others in praying for God's mercy and loving kindess to be poured out on you, your wife, your 5 year-old daughter (and the OB/gyn) now. May His love be so evident right now that you will talk of it always. May God comfort and carry you all through this dark valley. Thanks for letting us pray for you.
Love,
Lizzy
I am so sorry for your profound loss. May God comfort you all by drawing you into His arms and embracing you with His love and mercy.
May God Bless you and your family in this time of sorrow.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife, you daughter, and the rest of your family.
With sympathy
Lone, Mrs.Lone, & family
Five year olds are such grown-ups (compared to four year olds! ) that it may be easy to consider her far more mature than she actually is. It is around five that children begin to focus on spirituality, death, heaven, - in other words - thinking about concepts that are invisible. Encouraging her to draw her thoughts, and talking with her when she has questions are both very helpful for her grieving at this time.
You mentioned that your wife is also having thoughts of guilt, at times. These thoughts can be so destructive, although they are such a 'normal' part of dealing with loss. Please realize your little girl might also have feelings of guilt, because these thoughts and feelings are not rational, they are just ways that our brains try to make sense of events that are so inexplicable.
Please stay close and comfort each other, giving the gift of your pain to your wife. It takes a strong man to handle his own pain and still have strength to support his wife. I pray for you to have this strength.
You are all in my prayers today. - Jeff
I will pray for you and your family.
Please, Lord, give Your peace and comfort to Redcloak and his family.
TC
God Bless and comfort you and your loved ones.
Our arms ache to hold you, now you know perfect love;
Our ears yearn for your voice, now you sing His praises;
We desire to feed you, now you will never hunger;
We anticipated the pitter-patter of your feet, now you play at His pierced ones;
We dreamed of years of love and laughter, now you will never know pain;
We longed to watch you grow and develop, now you are perfect;
This isn't how we planned it, but we know Jesus loves you and He loves us.
With love and prayers for you and your family,
Hayley (mom of 4 on earth and 3 angels in Heaven)
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