If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

JD86 | 12/06/01 | JD86

[JD86]

If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

I'm an attorney who helps clients with estate planning and other money matters, but I won't claim that I "know it all". I need Freeper advice.

I once had an elderly client who always told his family "When I die, everything you need is in the manila folder". When he died, we searched high and low but we never did find that folder. As a result, it took years to settle his estate.

That shouldn't happen. I am putting together a booklet for my clients - a checklist of sorts - to help them keep track of important family information.

I'm asking for your suggestions. What would you include in such a checklist?

First - the practical. Doctor's name, where's the will, your desires regarding any minor children ... what else?

Second - the emotional. Would you tell your children you are proud of them? To stop smoking? Dump their lousy mate? What else?

Is there anything you would change about what your parents did? Have you made a checklist yet? If so, what's on it?

Also, if you are incapacitated but don't die, what then?

I have a client who has all her medications listed and taped to the inside of her kitchen cabinet and all her family knows where to find it. Do you have any other ideas like that?

Thanks to all in advance for your suggestions. Please post or send me FreeperMail.

[Chemist_Geek]

I recently found out that the EMT guys in the ambulances cannot honor a living will in Kentucky. They have their own special form that must be signed and notarized...otherwise they are required by law to try to keep you alive enroute to the hospital. I learned this from working with Hospice.

The easiest way to handle this sort of thing is a tatoo, across the chest.

D - N - R

If one wanted to be really correct, the entire Health Care Advance Directive could be tatooed, but that'd be uncomfortable to say the least.

[JD86]

That is one way to handle the situation...:) I think I'll check with our local EMT guys and see if they would honor it. It isn't a matter of not being informed, like the patient can't tell them. It is actually the law, they must give their best efforts to keep you alive. That's why they have a very special form to cover the situation. I have one client, an elderly man who lives alone, who has his form taped to the outside of his bedroom door. They can't get into the bedroom without seeing the form. I thought that was an awesome idea. I learn from my clients all the time.

[JD86]

What do you think?

[Chemist_Geek]

That is one way to handle the situation...:) I think I'll check with our local EMT guys and see if they would honor it. It isn't a matter of not being informed, like the patient can't tell them. It is actually the law, they must give their best efforts to keep you alive. That's why they have a very special form to cover the situation. I have one client, an elderly man who lives alone, who has his form taped to the outside of his bedroom door. They can't get into the bedroom without seeing the form. I thought that was an awesome idea. I learn from my clients all the time.

If nothing else, they'd be too busy laughing to do anything invasive. You are correct, though, each "layer" of medical care provider has different legal obligations and must be notified in the proper manner. If one wants a DNR order, fine, but that has to be done properly and everyone, from paramedic to ED to floor, must have their own tees crossed and eyes dotted. Consult with a professional estate planner or lawyer in your area who is familiar not only with the State laws but the local emergency medical services' policies and procedures as well.

Important note to families: Do not get too upset if heroic measures are being taken; the staff (ambulance, ED, whatever) may just not have been properly informed. Remember that the default procedure is to use all heroic measures.

JD86, your client's idea is pretty clever. He should be sure to have a copy of the form on his person, were he to collapse outside his home.

[JD86]

Thanks for your explanation from the medical personnel point of view. That helps with planning, knowing what part everyone plays. And thanks for reminding people to do all this with the help of a qualified professional in their home state. Since every state is different, we cannot address all those concerns here.

[A CA Guy]

If it is in her handwriting and witnessed I think that issue could have been fought.

[JD86]

If it is in her handwriting and witnessed I think that issue could have been fought.

It depends on the state. In some states it needs to be notarized, in some witnessed, in some both, in some none of the above. There is no one rule for the entire country. Each state is different.

[lavaroise]

The guns, who is going to get the guns. THat's an issue of great importance. Mind you, all that estate money is not insured if you cannot secure it with guns.

[reaganite]

"I hope you are still reading....."us lawyers" are giving as much free advice as we are getting...."

Dear, JD86. Sorry if my response seemed rude. I was just cracking up because another Freeper said he/she charged $250/hr. for advice. It was one of those moments when something struck me as hilariously ironic. No offense was intended at all. This did turn out to be a great service and I've bookmarked it. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

[zip]

It was worth the wait. ROFL

[zip]

I have written letters to her for her future birthdays....and for her wedding day...in case I am not here to tell her in person the things I want to share with her on those wonderful days.

I am an emotional type and that almost brought tears to my eyes. I'm writing these Saturday. Thanks. BTW, I'm running an hour late staying on this thread (definately worth it)

[zip]

Good idea. Would never have thought about that..

[nicmarlo]

That's why it's so important to have a living will, making clear that life support is against your wishes (and this can be done with particularities, i.e., life support being justified if the doctor's believe your chances are great you'll recover, or, in the alternative, after a certain amount of weeks have passed and there's no improvement, discontinue life support. It is legal and binding if it's in your will.)

[JD86]

No offense taken. I'm glad you found some value in the thread. Merry Christmas to you and yours...:)

[JD86]

That's why it's so important to have a living will, making clear that life support is against your wishes (and this can be done with particularities, i.e., life support being justified if the doctor's believe your chances are great you'll recover, or, in the alternative, after a certain amount of weeks have passed and there's no improvement, discontinue life support. It is legal and binding if it's in your will.)

Good points and I know what you meant, but please allow me to clarify the last sentence. These instructions need to be in the living will. The regular Last Will and Testament has no effect until after you died and that wouldn't help in your last days. (I know that is what you meant, nicmarlo, but sometimes a poster will take one sentence out of context. Just wanted to make it clear. Thanks for your post.)

[JD86]

Writing the letters keeps me focused on how special my granddaughter is to me. I tell her now....and I'll tell her in the future, either in person or in the letters.
I'm glad you like the idea...:)

[JD86]

I told everyone before that my parents are in their eighties. Another thing that I did last year was to write each of them a letter on their birthday, telling them why they were so special to me, and thanking them for all they had done. As you can imagine, that was a big hit with them. Part of the reason for this thread is to jog that thought for everyone. The only time we have for sure is NOW. We need to make sure our loved ones know how we feel. If Only, are very sad words.

[Publius6961]

Having gone through this recently (in Canada), the following was fun...
Location of car registration and ownership.
Driver's license.
Checking and other bank accounts.
A mention of personal loans owed to others or owed by others.
Funeral and burial arrangements if already made.
Life insurance and other policies.
Outstanding payments.
Property deed or rental/lease agreement.
if renting or leasing, a list of major items not belonging to the rental property, like appliances.
No comments whatsoever on how the children run their lives; if a parent does the proper job it's none of his business at that point.

[nicmarlo]

I know that is what you meant, nicmarlo, but sometimes a poster will take one sentence out of context. Just wanted to make it clear. Thanks for your post

Yes, and thanks. I have a Will not a living will; I should probably get that taken care of-----soon! Thanks.