If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

JD86 | 12/06/01 | JD86

[JD86]

If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

I'm an attorney who helps clients with estate planning and other money matters, but I won't claim that I "know it all". I need Freeper advice.

I once had an elderly client who always told his family "When I die, everything you need is in the manila folder". When he died, we searched high and low but we never did find that folder. As a result, it took years to settle his estate.

That shouldn't happen. I am putting together a booklet for my clients - a checklist of sorts - to help them keep track of important family information.

I'm asking for your suggestions. What would you include in such a checklist?

First - the practical. Doctor's name, where's the will, your desires regarding any minor children ... what else?

Second - the emotional. Would you tell your children you are proud of them? To stop smoking? Dump their lousy mate? What else?

Is there anything you would change about what your parents did? Have you made a checklist yet? If so, what's on it?

Also, if you are incapacitated but don't die, what then?

I have a client who has all her medications listed and taped to the inside of her kitchen cabinet and all her family knows where to find it. Do you have any other ideas like that?

Thanks to all in advance for your suggestions. Please post or send me FreeperMail.

[JD86]

Younger people with children should revisit their choices as to placement of surviving minor children at least yearly

I would also suggest as your children get older that you talk to them about who they want the guardian to be.
A sixteen year old will not stay where they don't want to be.

[JD86]

Thanks for sharing your family experiences. It will help other people see how important planning can be.

[JD86]

SHOW someone where all the important papers (life insurance, tax returns, etc) are kept.

This can't be said too many times. The list, the papers, none of it is any help to your loved ones IF THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIND THEM.

[JD86]

Over 200 posts, where is your next joke?

[Mr_Magoo]

Is anyone caring for elderly loved ones? Do you have special things that you have figured out that you could share?

I have been careing for Mother who is 75 for the last 6 years. In that time she has had 4 paramedic trips to the hospital. Here is something I learned the hard way about. In an emergency, the Dr's need accurate info on all meds taken. The first time Mother was sent off to the hospital we grabbed all her perscriptions and put them in a bag to take with. I watched the nurse take 10 minutes to write them out on the paperwork.

After that experience, I sat down with the computer and printed out a single page with all the vital info on it. I asked her Dr's and nurses what should be changed or added. It now contains:

Full Name
Address
Phone #
Sex
Date of Birth and age
Insurance information (policy numbers etc.)
Medication: Summary (List of ALL medications)
Medication: Daily Schedule (Morning / Mid day / Evening / Night)
Medical History - Includes Alergies and Surgeries
Phone Numbers of:

Next of Kin
Pharmacy
Primary Doctor
Heart Doctor
Heart Surgeon
Orthopedic Surgeon
Dentist

I printed up multiple copies. One is kept in her purse, one with her Meds, one is printed out for each Dr. visit.

A real time saver when paramedics are called.

[ICU812]

Have a handwritten will at a bare minimum witnessed by two people.

My mom had a will witnessed by two people but it was invalid. It didn't turn out to be a big deal since she hadn't been married in 15 years and my brother and I were the only logical beneficiaries. I basically had to sign away all my rights so my brother could become the Adminstrator of the Estate(when there is no will the position is not called Executor) he then had all the power to divide the estate however he wanted. But we're on good terms and he divided it 50/50, no big deal.

But I learned during that process that there is 4 things a valid will must contain, the lack of any one of which will invalidate it. It must be:

• Signed
• Dated
• Witnessed by at least two people
• Notarized

My mom neglected to notarize her will and that is what invalidated it.

[nopardons]

No, it is higher than that ( I've forgotten exactly how much, but sibstancially ) , and a husband and wife can each leave the total amount to their heir /s , so it is DOUBLE whatever it is. Yes, even IF one spouse's demise predates the other's by many years. Check with your lawyer / estate planner !

[JD86]

What's the joke?

[JD86]

When my mother died we took her ATM card and pulled out some cash from her account, not to evade taxes, just so we could buy groceries and pay the rent the next week.

You make an excellent point that the family members will need access to cash to carry them through until the insurance or other benefits are processed.

[Gracey]

I think you can leave an estate of almost $600,000 without tax today.

Used to be $600,000 but congress passed a law incrementally increasing it to $1M. This year, it's probably in the $800,000 vicinity.

[JD86]

I'm sorry your son-in-law had such a bad experience. Unfortunately, there are good guys and bad guys in every profession.

[JD86]

Thanks for the detailed list. It will be a big help to alot of people. I have a client who was taking care of her husband the last few years before he died. She did something similar to your list. She took a piece of paper and listed all his medications on one side and all his hospitalizations on the other side. She always carried that paper in her purse. Each time they took her husband to the ER, she took the paper and handed it to the intake nurse. The nurse made a copy and the wife didn't have to give a medical history every time. When she told me that story, is when I realized how really smart ordinary people are at figuring out how to deal with the challenges of their lives.

Bless you for taking such good care of your mother.

[Gracey]

I know after 9/11 I made certain I talked to my loved ones and told them what they mean to me. My sons are grown but my granddaughter is only nine. I have written letters to her for her future birthdays....and for her wedding day...in case I am not here to tell her in person the things I want to share with her on those wonderful days.

Sometimes expressing our feelings (Republican feelings :)) are some of the most precious gifts we can share with our loved ones. We probably could all be reminded of this, from time to time. Thanks for sharing.

[JD86]

Thanks for sharing what you and your brother learned the hard way.

Another thing for people to think about is the beneficary designee on different documents. For instance, life insurance proceeds goes to who is listed on the policy, (federal law) no matter what it says in the will (state law). That is why it is so important to have a good attorney help with the paperwork. To make sure things happen the way you want them to happen.

[JD86]

Check with your lawyer / estate planner !

Thanks for adding this part!! I was just about to jump in with my disclaimer on tax information but you covered it for me.

[Mr_Magoo]

Thanks for the detailed list.

It saves so much time when needed. And time is everything in an emergency.

Bless you for taking such good care of your mother.

Basicaly, I am selfish. I want to keep her around for as long as possible.

:-)

[JD86]

I want to keep her around for as long as possible.

That's not selfish. That's love.

[JD86]

Third story: Last May my best friend called on a Thursday. Her dad had just been told he had 4-6 months to live and he wanted me to come help him get his paperwork in order. We made an appointment for the next week. On Tuesday, five days later, my friend called to move the appointment up. Her father had just come from the specialist's office and he was given 2-4 weeks to live. I went immediately and talked to one of the bravest men I have ever met. He handled the challenge in a very straight-forward way. In his mind, he had thirty days to get his affairs in order. (The doctor had told the daughter 2-4 weeks, he told the father 4 weeks.) So he set up a schedule and a list and he completed the things one by one. We wrote his will. He was losing the ability to write so we wrote a durable power of attorney so his daughter could sign documents for him. He wanted a living will and we designated a health surrogate. All this was done in 24 hrs. Then he started working with hospice. Within a week he had everything in order. Then he spent the last three weeks of his life spending time with his wife and his children. Sharing time and stories and love. He lived 30 days and 8 hours. And he was ready to leave.

Because all his affairs were in order and his daughter knew where all the documents were and I was involved in all the decisions, the estate was completely settled within 30 days. His planning helped his family before he died and after he died. I think he did a magnificent job.

[JD86]

Those clients, and my own experience caring for my parents, convinced me that pre-planning is important and that the list is critical. In times of emergencies and times of last days, none of us want to be concerned with "paperwork", we want the time and the freedom to really "be" with the people we love.

That's why I started this conversation with my FReeper family. And it is why I am very grateful for every suggestion and every idea you have shared with me.

[Gracey]

That's why I started this conversation with my FReeper family. And it is why I am very grateful for every suggestion and every idea you have shared with me

I personally, owe you a debt of gratitude for this thread. It's obvious, you're a fine, unselfish FReepin person :)