If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

JD86 | 12/06/01 | JD86

[JD86]

If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

I'm an attorney who helps clients with estate planning and other money matters, but I won't claim that I "know it all". I need Freeper advice.

I once had an elderly client who always told his family "When I die, everything you need is in the manila folder". When he died, we searched high and low but we never did find that folder. As a result, it took years to settle his estate.

That shouldn't happen. I am putting together a booklet for my clients - a checklist of sorts - to help them keep track of important family information.

I'm asking for your suggestions. What would you include in such a checklist?

First - the practical. Doctor's name, where's the will, your desires regarding any minor children ... what else?

Second - the emotional. Would you tell your children you are proud of them? To stop smoking? Dump their lousy mate? What else?

Is there anything you would change about what your parents did? Have you made a checklist yet? If so, what's on it?

Also, if you are incapacitated but don't die, what then?

I have a client who has all her medications listed and taped to the inside of her kitchen cabinet and all her family knows where to find it. Do you have any other ideas like that?

Thanks to all in advance for your suggestions. Please post or send me FreeperMail.

[annieokie]

No, no, don't think I will contribute, but will let you know that I have my house in order. Thanks anyway.

Hope your book sells well.

[supercat]

One suggestion I have right off, based on experience twice, one who stands to be a beneficiary should NOT be a trustee or executor.

What and how should an executor get paid? What happens if a named executor can't or won't accept the role?

[JD86]

Most importantly, empty out the safety deposit out immediately before they find out the box owner/renter is deceased. The bank can put a hold on the box immediately if they find out the box renter is dead. (this happened when my dad passed away, and really gave my mom grief, even though her name was on the account). It was a real pain to get things sorted out. This should be one of the very first things you should do, once you find that key.

I do not know which state you live in.....but I would not recommend anyone "clean out" a safe deposit box after the owner has died, especially not in my state of Kentucky. If one spouse is in the hospital and the other spouse goes to the bank, that is one thing...but after the first spouse dies...it is a very bad idea. Please check with an attorney in your state.

[america-rules]

Parents who have minor children must express their wishes, should both parents die, of who should become their children's guardians.

This is what I meant in the above comment on having a complete will !

[Gracey]

No matter how well-intentioned our freeper-lawyer is, we know he's charging the "clients" for this advice. Ha! (Hey, a fella's got to make a living.)

This is too funny but true. However, the freeper-lawyer is not charging lurkers for knowledge and advice obtained simultaneously. Not a bad tradeoff!!! LOL

I alone have received $250 worth of advice,(where do I send the check) and my brain has been jogged to take care of my life/death business :-)

[JD86]

I am glad you have your house in order. Congratulations!

[JD86]

Different states have different laws on how much an executor may be paid out of the estate. Check with an attorney in your state. As for what to do if the executor can't or won't serve....list more than one...first, Mary, if not Mary, then Susie, if not Susie then Mikey....

[Moridin]

Don't forget birth certificate with other important documents.

[JD86]

I alone have received $250 worth of advice,(where do I send the check) and my brain has been jogged to take care of my life/death business :-)

No charge Gracey. Consider it a FReeper professional courtesy...:)

[JD86]

Great point about birth certificates. I was just thinking about the records for our children. Moms just "know" when Johnny had a shot....other relatives don't.
So the list should tell where the children's shot records, etc can be found.

[Tony in Hawaii]

Maybe a stockbroker? Some occupations are more dangerous these days. :(

[Tony in Hawaii]

You have to have lived in the house a minimum period of time before it's sold to take the cap gains exemption.

[JD86]

Second story, I told this in part in the introduction. Several years ago I had a client, self-made, independently wealthy. Lived alone. His wife had died years before and they had no children. But they had nieces and nephews they loved and he left his estate to them. That was wonderful except. Whenever they encouraged him to put things in order, he would always say, "Everything is in the folder. When I die, look in the folder, and everything is in there." After he died, we search high and low. The house, the car, the attic. No folder. We knew the estate was large but we had no idea where everything was. We had to backtrack through the CPA and his old tax returns to find out which stocks paid dividends...then write to those companies. We wrote to banks and stock brokers and asked if they had accounts for him. It was a mess..it took years to finish....and all because we could not find the folder.
Lesson: Make the list...and then make sure your family knows where the list IS!

[A CA Guy]

Have a handwritten will at a bare minimum witnessed by two people. Make sure you include that this will is meant to follow all the rules of the state you are in.

On the bank accounts it would have been good to already had beneficiary down as whoever you have your money going to. If you plan to pay for your burial, have all the arrangements pre-purchased or at the very least have a trusted relative on an account of yours where they have access to monies needed to bury you.

I think you can leave an estate of almost $600,000 without tax today.

Then on another paper put down where everything is account wise or the family will have to wait for statements to come in.

[Tony in Hawaii]

Here's a thought: Why have so many different bank accounts and brokerage accounts and such?

I think it'd be worthwhile to simplify things as much as possible.

[JD86]

Clean Out the Safe Deposit Box before the bank learns of death.

The rest of your suggestions were excellent. However, I cannot advise anyone to empty the safe deposit box AFTER the owner dies, at least not in Kentucky.
It is against the law (at least in Kentucky) and could possibly constitute tax evasion. Better plan....if someone is sick and failing, go to the bank BEFORE they die.

[JD86]

We're over 200 responses, you owe the FReepers another joke...:)

[LUVYA DUBYA 2000]

I have a couple of thoughts on this. My mother inlaw passed away just before Thanksgiving. We knew she had made all of the arrangements for cremation ahead of time. What no one knew before we set down with the mortuary is...NO SERVICES OF ANY KIND.... We were not prepared for this at all. We did Honor her wishes but some of her children and grandchildren are having a very difficult time not having any closure. Please do not do this to your family, At least tell them ahead of time if that is to be the case.

Above all else if you have promised something to someone or given something to someone please put it in writing so there are no questions latter. Grandma gave the same thing to several different people at different times and there is no verification of any of it. Bank accounts will be frozen!! Make sure enough cash is available to cover funeral costs. If at all possible go threw anything that has been passed down in the family and write out a history of that Item. My Mom saved a pair of baby shoes for each of her five children, only problem was none of them were marked we had no idea whos shoes were whos, So it makes them almost worthless.

[JD86]

I'd also tell them not to grieve too long, for I've gone Home to be with the Lord........and I'll await their joining me there. I would want them to know that they were the reason that I lived; the reason I pressed on; the reason I went through thick and thin, challenge, defeat, heartache...............all for them, and gladly. They made my life complete, and without them.........my life would have been empty. I would thank them for being the most wonderful gifts a man could possibly receive, and I only regret that I left too soon.

Thanks for sharing this part. I think it is very important. I know after 9/11 I made certain I talked to my loved ones and told them what they mean to me. My sons are grown but my granddaughter is only nine. I have written letters to her for her future birthdays....and for her wedding day...in case I am not here to tell her in person the things I want to share with her on those wonderful days.

[holyscroller]

My son-in-law's dad (a wealthy California doctor) died, and the son and dad's lawyer were co-executors. The lawyer refused to give the son a copy of the will and estate, and he had to sue the lawyer to even get copies of same. The sad end was that the lawyer cleaned out the estate. (The lawyer had also been advising doctor dad on his investments, and had been investing his money with her son. Amazingly, the son made bad investments, and every penny was lost (in his pocket). The kids had to sue the lawyer (spending their own money to do it) and that (second) lawyer cleaned them out of their savings. Not only did the son not inherit anything, he spent $160,000 just trying to get what was rightfully his. California Bar Assoc. wouldn't do a thing to either lawyer. All this because the father really liked and trusted his lawyer. He must be rolling in his grave at what a total thief she was.