If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

JD86 | 12/06/01 | JD86

[JD86]

If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

I'm an attorney who helps clients with estate planning and other money matters, but I won't claim that I "know it all". I need Freeper advice.

I once had an elderly client who always told his family "When I die, everything you need is in the manila folder". When he died, we searched high and low but we never did find that folder. As a result, it took years to settle his estate.

That shouldn't happen. I am putting together a booklet for my clients - a checklist of sorts - to help them keep track of important family information.

I'm asking for your suggestions. What would you include in such a checklist?

First - the practical. Doctor's name, where's the will, your desires regarding any minor children ... what else?

Second - the emotional. Would you tell your children you are proud of them? To stop smoking? Dump their lousy mate? What else?

Is there anything you would change about what your parents did? Have you made a checklist yet? If so, what's on it?

Also, if you are incapacitated but don't die, what then?

I have a client who has all her medications listed and taped to the inside of her kitchen cabinet and all her family knows where to find it. Do you have any other ideas like that?

Thanks to all in advance for your suggestions. Please post or send me FreeperMail.

[JD86]

Thanks for letting us know there is a special form in Florida. People need to know those things.

I recently found out that the EMT guys in the ambulances cannot honor a living will in Kentucky. They have their own special form that must be signed and notarized...otherwise they are required by law to try to keep you alive enroute to the hospital. I learned this from working with Hospice.

[ICU812]

I also have 3 envelopes that contain my photo, my blood type, a copy of my dental records and xrays, hair samples and fingernail samples. It also contains all the contact numbers that the police or medical examiner will need to reach my family and employment. I want to make it easy on people if they need to identify my body. It might sound morbid, but it's very practical.

You're not an Intern on Capitol Hill are you? :-O

[nopardons]

There are collectors, and then, there are C-O-L-L-E-C-T-O-R-S!

If you collect something whch is " special " / unusual, then you'd best include the names , addresses, and phone numbers ( where aplicable ) of true , acknowledged EXPERTS in the field , on your list. The government auditors / apraisors, of estates, are going to put THE highest price on EVERYTHING you leave behind, BUT, and you knew there was going to be a " but " , often they don't have any idea what they are looking at.

Now, you are handed a tax bill, and / or you've come into posession of X , you know what the government apraisor has claimed it's worth, but is it and IF you want to sell it / insure it, who do you trust ? Right now, IF you collect coins , be aware that MOST coin dealers are NOT trustworthy.

If you collect trains, yes, you CAN go to Christies or Southbys . They will NOT be happy to apraise your collection if you aren't going to auction off your things; however , they WILL do so, if they are affiliated with /a part of your estate planner's organization. The HEAD of Christies' antique toy department, is a VERY nice, knowledgable man ; however , he is headquartered at their home base ( LONDON ) , and knows much more about European trains, than American made ones. You will also have to pay the auction house a cut, IF and when you / your heirs put up the collection for sale. Another caveat ... MOST train auction houses in American , or the dealers in the back of train magazines are NOT trustwrthy ! Know who you are dealing with , and make certain that your heirs do as well.

Some collections ( such as antique musical instruents ) are in such a heady field, that you are going to have problems, UNLESS you know the one, or two American experts in this field.

Now, IF you are planning on leaving anything to a museum / historical society TELL THEM , after you have made up your Will, and DO follow that up, with a dated letter of intent. Make certain that they REALLY will want wqhatever it is that YOU want to give them. : - )

[JD86]

And for the really emotional side, I've left a checklist to help out in my passing, IE, to contact family and friends (and how), things that will be needed, like 15 copies of the death cert. etc.) even to making sure that my spouse eats and sleeps thru (what I would think) would be a hard time.

These are some of the most important things. Now that my sons are grown and on their own, they don't know all my close personal friends...so I have a list of people for them to contact. My sons also travel alot so I have some friends who know how to find my sons if necessary.

Another thing is about notices and obituaries. Where would you want your notices sent? How about your school alumni association? Your professional association? Your church? Your kids need to know. They might not think about it on their own.

[JD86]

Since you live in Oklahoma and I practice law in Kentucky, I will not be providing any legal advice for you....however, you are welcome to take notes on all the good suggestions that have been posted by your fellow Freepers. Would you like to make a contribution to the discussion?

[nopardons]

Something like that. I remember reading about several cases, where the person was brain dead, woud absolutely die, if the plug were pulled, the famoly was for it, and some busybody or other, got wind of it, and stuck their nose in. This causes not only undue heartache, but MONEY ! The stranger is not responsible for anything, and usually has NO business, at all, wih the situation, but is just against having the plug pulled. : - (

[JD86]

These are excellent ideas. Not everyone is willing to do it, but if they are, preplanned funerals are a wonderful thing. My parents have already planned theirs and everything is in a folder....and we know where the folder is...:) It will be much easier for us since they were willing to plan ahead.

[Gracey]

THANKS so much for shaking our brain to this very important subject matter and post. Your purpose for posting has been effective. I hadn't given this subject matter much thought, lately. Looks like I'll absorb more at this point, than contribute.

You're a fine person and a true FReeper for engaging us in what may be one of the key issues in our life, one many of us tend to procrastinate and put on the back burner.

[JD86]

Let me share a couple of stories with you so you will understand why I think this is such an important topic for all of us.

First story, before I graduated from law school a friend's father died....and he had no will. The wife inherited everything because the children signed their shares to her. Eighty days after the father died, the mother died. She had a will and named one of the children as the executrix. She also stated in the will which lawyer was to represent her estate. Long story short...the daughter and the lawyer probated the father's estate....and took maximum fees for it...then they probated the mother's estate and took maximum fees for it. I got involved because neither the executrix or the attorney for the estate would talk to the other four children. It was my first year practicing, the other four children hired me to straighten things out. The executrix had to pay back money, the attorney had to pay back money, and the attorney was disbarred. And all of it could have been avoided with proper planning. So decide what you want to do....and then find a good, ethical attorney in your state and commit your decisions to paper.

[JD86]

Thanks for the kind words. There are several reasons I think about it. My parents are in their eighties....and last June, three of my friends lost their parents in one week. I learned then that lists and preplanning were crucial.

Also, in August my mother fell and broke her hip so I learned about disability with elderly folks. I want to share what I know....and learn what you all know.

[nopardons]

True, but we have all of those things attached to our WILL, so I just lumped it all together . : - )

Oh, and THE kindest thing that you can do, IF you can afford it, is to make your own funeral agrangements and pay for it, BEFORE you actually need it.

When your loved ones die, it is a truamatic time. Emotionally, you are a wreck, and even though you may be logical, brilliant, clearheaded , and outwardly calm , having to choose a casket, etc, the day your loved one dies ( if you are Jewish and the funeral MUST take pace within 24 hours ! ) , or a day or two afterwards ( if you are Christian ) , this is a VERY difficult experience ! I was SO amazed how much easier it was, when my grand Aunt died ( she had previusly taken care of EVERYTHING ! ) , as opposed to when my mother-in-law , father-in-law, and my own parents died.

[Tony in Hawaii]

Same here. I really wish I could have gotten my mom's full life story, what I do know is very interesting. We had talked about writing all the info on the old pictures, and videotaping some of her stories, but we thought we had all the time in the world.

[JD86]

I'm a single parent with two grown sons. I was advised to put the name of one of my children on the account. He wouldn't be listed on the account itself and his name wouldn't appear on the checks, but in case anything happens to me, he would have access to the funds and would be able to withdraw any monies in it.

This might be a good idea in your case. I don't know how large your estate is, and I don't know your sons. If the advice came from an attorney in your state, go with it. If it came from your neighbor who is a plumber....check with your attorney. There may be a better way to accomplish what you want to accomplish.

[JD86]

Is anyone caring for elderly loved ones? Do you have special things that you have figured out that you could share?

[ICU812]

Here's something I just thought of; ATM PIN Numbers.

When my mother died my brother and I were still young and living at home. We were old enough that it was out of the question to move in with relatives but young enough that we weren't financially independent yet(we were right on the cusp of adulthood). When my mother died we took her ATM card and pulled out some cash from her account, not to evade taxes, just so we could buy groceries and pay the rent the next week.

My mother did provide for us; she had life insurance and an 401k with us listed as the beneficiaries but it took a couple months before we saw any of it and it was that cash we got from the ATM that got us over the hump. Without it we would of had to choose between living in our car for a month or begging relatives for the dough(which I'm sure they would have provided but thats not how we were raised).

[JD86]

any secret hidden places that should be known in case of death......

I had a great uncle who used to bury money during the depression. We never did find all of it....:)

[america-rules]

Here's how we in the military are taught:

Have a binder with all your documents and make sure the wife/husband etc. knows where it is. Inside the following is suggested (by bad experiences many have gone through in the military after a spouse died). I suggest the following be kept in the binder and a copy sent to a relative or safety deposit box:

- Will (A complete one not the cheap ones)
- What to do with your body--cremation, where buried etc.
- What kind of funeral, coffin etc. you would like as well as who should be invited--even write the obit if you want to spare the surviving family of this task. Honor guard?
- All insurance policies
- DNR order or living will or whatever you/they prefer
- List of all assets/ bank accounts etc. (They get shut down if they're joint accounts when you die so the spouse won't be able to get at the money and they need.
- List of all credit cards (so spouse can delete the dead spouse and maybe keep the credit they have attained).
- Marriage and birth certificates
- Cash on hand if available/possible (Credit gets shut down on joint accounts within a few days)
- List of doctors, dentist etc. incase they need to help ID the body with xrays etc.
- Other insurance contracts like those extras that come with a house mortage, car, credit card etc..
- House deed or any other paperwork that may need to be changed
- Retirement certificates or any other forms (Vets need DD Form 214) discharge certificates
- Power of attorney to conduct affairs incase of a coma or other problem that would keep you from signing documents--military may be MIA or world trade center victims vaporized or lost at sea etc..
- DNA samples such as hair and fingernails
- Any other instructions you want carried out or even a CD or video of you giving your instructions
- Numbers and addresses of VA and Social Security adminstrations to call on benefits--even if still young

I probably missed something but this should get you started!

[JD86]

Tell them to forward their assets to me via FReepMail. I'll take care of everything...

Your idea does bring a suggestion to mind. It is a good idea to add an alternative beneficiary at the end of your gifts....if all your family members predecease you or die with you in a common accident, then what? You don't want to have an estate and no named beneficiary...or the state may claim the assets. So name someone or something, a church, a school, Free Republic.

[Buggman]

Ping for a later read.

Yours in Truth,

[JD86]

Don't forget the kids. They're a vital part of any plan you do.

You might also think about how you want your children to inherit your assets....all at once, a little over a period of years. Things to think about.