Administration sources report that Fredbird, the St. Louis Cardinals' baseball team mascot who was recently called up for reserve service, lost one of his big yellow feet near Mullah Omar's house in Kandahar this past week end.
The Taliban Education Minister, so far the only Taliban member who dares to show his lint-free permanent-press headgear in public, claims that a large, red, winged object with a T-shirt bearing 'American writing' has been shot down and the remains lie in a minefield where he would gladly take CNN reporters if it wasn't for the fact that they might blow up and therefore cut Taliban opportunities to propagandize by 50%. As a gesture of goodwill, his assistant Abdulla bang-Sheepee, presented reporters with what he claims is landing gear of the fluffy commando craft: a dirty yellow tennis shoe that says 'made in USA' on the tongue.
St. Louis Cardinals team member Marc McGuire denies the reports, stating that "Everyone knows Fredbird has big yellow three-toed bird feet and they couldn't possibly fit into a tennis shoe. Get real."
A Busch stadium groundskeeper who asked not to be identified stated thet "His big footprints have always been a problem around here because he can obliterate a painted baseline in one run. If it wasn't for his habit of chasing the vendors up in the stands and raiding them of 'cold frosty Budweiser,' the infield grass would be stomped flat. Why can't we get him to wear golf shoes so he can fluff up the dirt when he does make it out here?"
The KMOX news editor pointed out to this reporter that "American made tennis shoe hasn't been seen in St. Louis since the eighties, thanks to &*$%&# Chinese imports. Fredbird always wore flashy new duds, because he had to show up the Clydesdales." And to the best of his knowledge, he cannot recall a yellow tennis shoe being worn anywhere in St. Louis, much less by a Cardinal's mascot. "If any ever tried," he said, "they would really be plucked over- almost as bad as a Cub's fan who wears an earing and calling himself a man."
Hey! Our troops have Bin Laudin on the run! Look at him go!