Posted on 09/29/2001 6:47:22 AM PDT by Cagey
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
And luckily, when you begin this maneuver while the speedometer does say 70+, it's impossible for the vehicle to do much more than 15 as seen by the speed of the roadway relative to the vehicle with the camera angles. Must be some quantum mechanics going on there.
(I always thought they looked best in the front yard):^)
ROFL!! And the weird thing is, whenever I am in an office building I have not been in before, I usually look for one of those vents thinking of an escape route.
You can outrun an explosion.
When being pursued by a car in a parking garage, always run down the middle, never try to run between the parked cars.
Getting shot at point blank range will cause the victim's body to fly backwards violently.
You can have the living crap beat out of you, but you will not usually have bruses the next day, let alone have a broken jaw or ribs.
Shooting a car will make it explode.
Kids are always smarter than adults; women are smarter than men.
Tires squeal even on dirt roads.
When backed into a corner with only one bullet left, the shot will always hit it's mark.
But if you are me, odds are it will be some disgusting coconut/raspberry jelly mixture gone stale.
The number of bullets a gun can shoot is determined by an equation with variables D = danger level, V = number of villains and S = whether the shooter is the main character or a sidekick. It has nothing to do with the number of bullets the gun actually has.
Fists break car windows easily. And without hurting anyone.
If the villain has a daugher, she will fall for the good guy.
People can fall off of roofs and not get hurt.
High-powered female executives always wear miniskirts and five-inch heels to work.
thanks........
Illinois, in the country, no cable. Yeah, one of those ten footers. It's still in the yard unused and obsolete (my Dad's yard), I guess it's a memorial to bygone technology. LOL
10. "Let's split up so we can search more quickly."
9. "ARGHHGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGGHHHH-KKKKKKKHHH!"
8. "Let's stick together so no one else gets eaten."
7. "So you mean, we could go back in time and undo everything that's happened?"
6. "I didn't do it! It was an evil alien who took my form!" (NOTE: Also overused on Court TV.)
5. "According to these readings, it appears to be a thingamabobber of some kind -- and a highly advanced one at that!"
4. "We killed it. It's dead. It's all over now. We're safe now and we can finally relax and -- ARGHHGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGGHHHH-KKKKKKKHHH!"
3. "So you mean, we could go back in time and undo everything that's happened?"
6. "No, I'm all right with it, I just didn't expect the chief scientist of a top secret government research project to be so . . . beautiful."
5. "Okay, so there are interdimensional time-traveling alien ghost vampires after all! Just don't say, 'I told you so!'"
4. "Well, Timmy, the universe has been saved -- thanks to you and your furry little friends!"
3. "So you mean, we could go back in time and undo everything that's -- ARGHHGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGGHHHH-KKKKKKKHHH!"
2. "I'm afraid there's absolutely no hope, they're dead . . . no, wait, they're alive! No, they're dead. I'm sure now. No -- wait!"
And the ***NUMBER ONE*** Overused Dialogue Line in Sci Fi Movies . . .
1. "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE WHOLE THING BLOWS!"
In a car chase, in a city, there will be the omnipresent pile of wooden crates, filled with fruits and vegetables, to be followed by stacks of cardboard boxes ... meanwhile, no innocent women or children will be injured.
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